Depression

Trust and depression

• replies: 2

New to Beyond Blue and hope I am able to shed some light & help myself also...21 months ago due to backyard accident, I sustained severe head trauma, resulting in hospitalisation & rehabilitation and a late diagnosis of Dissociative Amnesia in where ... View more

New to Beyond Blue and hope I am able to shed some light & help myself also...21 months ago due to backyard accident, I sustained severe head trauma, resulting in hospitalisation & rehabilitation and a late diagnosis of Dissociative Amnesia in where I lost my entire and complete memory, which also led to severe depression. along with other issues....I remembered no one in my family what so ever, not my children or siblings or even my partner, or my life but due to my family and my children, they were able to fill in the blanks for my medical team of my past history of depression, which I found out I had suffered on and off for many many years....Most recently due to dissociative amnesia, my depression has a strong hold, and often there are days when walking out the front door is just not an option, I would shut myself away from the world and refuse to talk about things..I had problems dealing with just day to day stuff, relearning my life how to walk, look after myself, relearn about the world outside, relearning technology, learning about my past life and discussing it....and that was my worst enemy!!... I had no memory of my past life and what I did learn or what I had memory flashes of I had not dealt with in the past ...so they were carried into the future, which along with D.A has caused my severe depression..So...relearning how to open up and try to explain exactly how and why I feel this way is not easy....why you feel you are in a deep darkened hole unable to see any light above let alone found a way out....I was very lucky to have my daughters help and found a very lovely GP with a mental health back ground but still my biggest problem was trust and dealing with my depression by going on medication ( which at first I refused to do as I was unable to grasp the concept of what had happened to me....my hardest battle besides the D.A. is remembering to trust people enough to be totally honest with how I am coping and confide in them with my daily battles...Opening up and trust is a massive step, some days are darker than others and some days getting out of bed is a struggle, I honestly know that without the help & understanding from family, friends, mental health team and specialists I would be in a darker deeper hole with no way out at all....I do know its a constant battle but its a battle that can be won with trust and the right people on your side....talk ...talk to who ever will listen to you...get it off your chest..open up....

Where has the real me gone?

• replies: 7

Hi all, I've been 'lurking' on the forums for a while and I love reading everyone's posts and I've learnt so much and it's been heartening to discover I'm not alone in that so many other people's stories resonate so much with my experience. I suffer ... View more

Hi all, I've been 'lurking' on the forums for a while and I love reading everyone's posts and I've learnt so much and it's been heartening to discover I'm not alone in that so many other people's stories resonate so much with my experience. I suffer depression, but I've never sought professional help for it. I manage OK most of the time. I have a pretty good quality of life on the whole and I can’t complain much. I have worked out some strategies for caring for myself through the tough times. But one thing I hate about depression is that I think it turns me into someone I don’t like and don’t want to be. It makes me negative, pessimistic, cynical, a bit mean even, I suppose, down on people and situations, assuming the worst. And that’s not me at heart. I was talking to someone today about a mutual acquaintance who was described as someone “very genuine” and “who doesn’t have a mean bone in her body”. And this girl is, she is truly delightful, always has a kind word to say. But the comment just struck a nerve with me. It made me feel old and mean and horrible, and grieving for the old me. I used to be like that. People would describe me as someone without a mean bone in my body. Even now, I’m hardly an “awful” person, but I just long to rediscover the ‘real me”, this girl who is kind and sweet and friendly and a good friend. I feel like she’s gotten lost along the way! Many thanks xxx

Do you have someone who can do this for you?

• replies: 10

Hard times

• replies: 3

Well have been suffering from a depressed state i made my way to doctor to try and get help after talking to friend. The doctor put me one medication the first 2 week where hard but stared to feel stronger in myself after 3 weeks my doctor increase t... View more

Well have been suffering from a depressed state i made my way to doctor to try and get help after talking to friend. The doctor put me one medication the first 2 week where hard but stared to feel stronger in myself after 3 weeks my doctor increase the dosage. Then all down hill I had trouble sleeping even if I did sleep felt like I didnt. Felt like something was in my head. I don't want to eat because of hunger but becouse of pure tast so just want sweet and salty food. I returned to doctor after 3 weeks on new dosage doctor said need to stick with it . I have felt my life get more down and foggy I have exteamly vivid dreams I wake up and think it's realy then few times I have been at work and I have felt like I'm some where else (feels like 10 min but no one notices) so get confused what and where I'm. As I was unhappy with my doctor so I decided to try a new one he basically was confused what I wanted he said you got medication you will get better stick with it. So again I feel like there no help. after a few weeks I opened up to my friend that not having luck with doctors so she recommended one so here I go again. He sound very understanding and ask questions and was genuine and said that medication need change from evening to morning. And also had blood tests for few basics so after one week felt had some better sleep got my blood results back nothing out of ordinary. So I asked for further help so he said he would send a referral away and they will contact me it's been like 3 weeks. Mi feel like I try but don't get anywhere I just feel like want stay a sleep and dream of a better life

Depression- our ultimate goal.

• replies: 32

We have quite a large community here. So many people suffering depression. Most have several symptoms in common, lack of motivation, worthlessness, sleep and more sleep, moodiness and the list - well I've only scratched the surface. Sadly (and I wont... View more

We have quite a large community here. So many people suffering depression. Most have several symptoms in common, lack of motivation, worthlessness, sleep and more sleep, moodiness and the list - well I've only scratched the surface. Sadly (and I wont ignore it) many mentioning they want to give up on life. And of course, that there is nothing left that stimulates them. Yet, this is so totally wrong. We know in our hearts and logic that there are things you can do in life that will leave you breathless with excitement, place a smile on your face for days with you ringing all your friends to tell them and some experiences that will be lifelong memories. Yet for the deeply depressed this sadly is all irrelevant. Either their depression is so deep they dont want to even entertain the ideas or physically they are drained by meds. What I want from this thread is for you to dream, to open up your cloudy mind to what is possible when you are in the depths of sleep or despair. As you lie there in bed have simply thoughts, simply plans to chase those experiences when your cycle has run its cruel course. So you wait till then. And a day comes when you are feeling not bad. you look at your partner and tell them to find the nearest hot air ballooning business "we are gunna fly". Or hire a speed boat, light aircraft or helicopter flight, lunch at a revolving restaurant anything for that "buzz". Totally out of your comfort zone? you bet ya. On the wrong tram? tell me, criticise me, suggest anything, talk, say it, I dont care, I am willing to take anything on the chin with this. Frankly, I will do anything to make progress with one person and I hope that person is you. Why? Because yes, I've been there, I've come out the other side and managed my depression to a more stable level but I never forget those times and I will fight like hell to never return there. I want you, the reader to do the same, to travel on the same journey I've endured, to hold the hands of your family and run with them ....into the sunlight as one, laughing and loving. You will not give up hope. You will wait for that day of calm and end of cycle peace to arrive and you will show that black dog where to go. And your partner/children/family members will look at you in awe, because you would have done activity that is not parallel to the symptoms of your illness. You will do it because you can, you will never give up. Your kids will love you for trying. You will fight like you've never fought before.

Feeling empty

• replies: 16

Hi Geoff, Thank-you for showing me how to start a new post. I have replied to the previous one, but I will continue writing on this one. Clotilde

Hi Geoff, Thank-you for showing me how to start a new post. I have replied to the previous one, but I will continue writing on this one. Clotilde

Depression affecting decisions which could help come out of it

• replies: 3

Hi Does depression affect decision making so badly that when presented with an opportunity to come out of it, I cant. The mind become so negative that cant see any positive even in the best opportunity and then decide against taking it. It is terribl... View more

Hi Does depression affect decision making so badly that when presented with an opportunity to come out of it, I cant. The mind become so negative that cant see any positive even in the best opportunity and then decide against taking it. It is terrible, what to do?

I have days where I cry and cry, but I can pull myself out of it enough to have a semi-normal life

• replies: 1

Hey all, I'm 31, 2 kids (9 and 4, both autistic).Diagnosed post-natal depression aged 24. Depressed from age 15, anxiety from age 5.My son's therapists when he was being diagnosed with Autism said that I would be diagnosed Aspergers (now autism) if I... View more

Hey all, I'm 31, 2 kids (9 and 4, both autistic).Diagnosed post-natal depression aged 24. Depressed from age 15, anxiety from age 5.My son's therapists when he was being diagnosed with Autism said that I would be diagnosed Aspergers (now autism) if I'd been assessed. I've just come out of an almost-9 year relationship with a guy, who got more and more verbally abusive and controlling as the years went by, and escalated to his worst once we'd split (almost 3 months ago now). He finally moved out 2 weeks ago. I also lost my close friend around the same time - she got angry because I was being "selfish" and focused on fixing my life after my breakup, rather than "being there" for her (she also has depression) and sent me a hate-filled letter blaming me for her feeling suicidal. So that's my basic story. Lots more to it, but that's the main stuff. My depression has been medicated on and off for years, my last medication was about 2 years ago. I've been coping reasonably well without it, other than the last few months since the breakup. My new boyfriend is amazing, but he just doesn't always seem to get that I can't pull myself out of it. I'm trying, I really am, but it's not that easy. Granted, I do a lot of things that make my depression worse, like read the blog of my ex-friend. It's almost a compulsion. The thoughts of self- harm are hard to ignore, but I AM ignoring them. I' m not suicidal, but self- harm has been one of my coping strategies for years - it's been about 5 weeks since I did, and before that it had been about 6 years. My depression is by no-means under control, but it's under control enough that I don't do anything silly. I have days where I cry and cry, but I can pull myself out of it enough to have a semi-normal life. And my kids are always well cared-for, even on my bad days. Hi all beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

I don't want to burden my friends and family

• replies: 8

I have been interested in a support group for a short while and think joining a forum would be a good way to start. I have had depression and anxiety my whole adult life .My father had the condition - so it is hereditary. (My sisters have had it too ... View more

I have been interested in a support group for a short while and think joining a forum would be a good way to start. I have had depression and anxiety my whole adult life .My father had the condition - so it is hereditary. (My sisters have had it too and we have talked in the past, but is not something I feel I can discuss with them further. I had recently come off my antidepressants a couple of months ago which I 've been on for years (far back as 2000 when my mum passed away) and feel I can manage without them, however still have things to deal with and I feel it is helpful enough just to vent those issues to others who would understand and may even feel the same way. I have a husband and 3 children (youngest 15) but feel very alone with no one (esp female) to talk to. My daughter is now living overseas and can only mssg her for support but don't want to burden her as she is only young. I don't want to burden my friends either but they u/stand I have the condition. I feel they are not exactly like me and like or don't like the same things as me. What I really want is somewhere to vent my feelings and be reassured I am normal. Anxiety has been an issue at times a bit more often as I've gotten older and have irrational anger my whole life that occasionally flares up but I manage this now by teaching myself to control it. I have issues and always want to know people just like me (same as soulmate, if you like) that have the same likes and dislikes of what can also be trivial things. This makes me feel very alone not knowing people who feel this way and then I question that there is something wrong with me, again adding fuel to my low self esteem. I have been a perfectionist my whole life which more often than not is good thing. Don't know where else to start but love to hear from others who feel the same.

Diagnosed just today & it now explains alot

• replies: 4

I was diagnosed with depression today; I suspected that I was depressed but now I feel like a failure by actually admitting it! Crazy thoughts I know, but its hard to get that stigma out of my head. I have always had to be the strong one in my family... View more

I was diagnosed with depression today; I suspected that I was depressed but now I feel like a failure by actually admitting it! Crazy thoughts I know, but its hard to get that stigma out of my head. I have always had to be the strong one in my family. Other people see me as tough, practical with a common sense approach to life. It was extremely difficult to admit to my husband that I am suffering depression & it seems that I have been struggling with this for many years, but just didnt realise it! I am embarrassed that my tough outer shell has finally crumbled & I am dreading it when any of our friends find out. I dont think that I can cope with the gush of "love & pity" that I am likely to get, nor with the knowledge of the whispers that I am emotionally unstable & cant cope with the pressure etc. You see, I feel guilty because my husband has just commenced aggressive chemotherapy for cancer so I should be the rock for him - not the other way around. I know that my parents in law will think its all an act; that I resent the fact that hes getting all the attention but that is definitely not the case. I want more than anything to be able to support him through this journey, but just dont think I can...