Depression- our ultimate goal.

[white knight]

We have quite a large community here. So many people suffering depression. Most have several symptoms in common, lack of motivation, worthlessness, sleep and more sleep, moodiness and the list - well I've only scratched the surface.

Sadly (and I wont ignore it) many mentioning they want to give up on life. And of course, that there is nothing left that  stimulates them. Yet, this is so totally wrong. We know in our hearts and logic that there are things you can do in life that will leave you breathless with excitement, place a smile on your face for days with you ringing all your friends to tell them and some experiences that will be lifelong memories. Yet for the deeply depressed this sadly is all irrelevant. Either their depression is so deep they dont want to even entertain the ideas or physically they are drained by meds.

What I want from this thread is for you to dream, to open up your cloudy mind to what is possible when you are in the depths of sleep or despair. As you lie there in bed have simply thoughts, simply plans to chase those experiences when your cycle has run its cruel course. 

So you wait till then. And a day comes when you are feeling not bad. you look at your partner and tell them to find the nearest hot air ballooning business "we are gunna fly".  Or hire a speed boat, light aircraft or helicopter flight, lunch at a revolving restaurant anything for that "buzz". Totally out of your comfort zone? you bet ya.

On the wrong tram? tell me, criticise me, suggest anything, talk, say it, I dont care, I am willing to take anything on the chin with this. Frankly, I will do anything to make progress with one person and I hope that person is you. Why?

Because yes, I've been there, I've come out the other side and managed my depression to a more stable level but I never forget those times and I will fight like hell to never return there. I want you, the reader to do the same, to travel on the same journey I've endured, to hold the hands of your family and run with them ....into the sunlight as one, laughing and loving.

You will not give up hope. You will wait for that day of calm and end of cycle peace to arrive and you will show that black dog where to go. And your partner/children/family members will look at you in awe, because you would have done activity that is not parallel to the symptoms of your illness. You will do it because you can, you will never give up. Your kids will love you for trying.

You will fight like you've never fought before.

[HA1]

A nice post.

Going through a bad patch, during which time I have realised and accepted that maybe I will not get much better; but, I may probably be able to manage it.

As you have discussed on another thread, who are we when we come out on 'the other side'?  I now know that I have been sick for a long time - this is all I know.  Who will I be when I come out 'on the other side' ? Not myself, that I know.

[Neil_1]

Tony (WK)

I have just stopped by (and wasn't "logged in" to just have a quick look) - as I'm on the brink right now. 

My mum is dying from cancer and all signs she will not make it through this coming week.  I'm shattered and gutted behind thought.

But my friend, I read your post and something in it resonated within me - my eyes are constantly red and sore, but there was something that made me want to respond - just this once.  After this, I don't think I'll be back here for a little while.

Dear people on Beyond Blue - DO NOT GIVE UP ON LIFE.  You have only ONE chance at this - you are living at the moment - PLEASE keep doing just that - LIVING.  But as Tony suggested - do MORE.

My Mum does not want to die.  I do NOT want her to ........ (I can't even write it).

I know, we all suffer from our various mental illnesses, but it doesn't mean that we can't find some kind of thing to enjoy in our lives.  Be it the smallest thing, damnit, get a yo-yo and learn to "walk the dog".  Or some of the suggestions that Tony provided.

I know above all else, that our minds are suffering EVERY day with this evil disease and it hurts like all hell - it really does.  And I'm about to experience .... sorry, I can't even go there.

But dear friends, I lost my Dad (7 years ago to leukemia) and now my Mum has been long suffering with cancer and it seems the end is nigh - but dear people, we are all different ages and at different levels of our own mental illness - but that doesn't mean we can't try to find SOMETHING that might bring some joy into our lives.

This is a BRILLIANT thread created by White Knight (Tony) - push this one on and reach out to each other and even put forward your OWN suggestions.

Bye for now, I've met none of you, but at this current moment, that means jack sh*t - I love all of you.

Neil

[white knight]

Hi AOK

" I now know that I have been sick for a long time - this is all I know."  That quote in the very least 'K' means insight of your illness. That, in comparison to many is a Godsend. So build on that, it's a head start you may not view as being one.

The 'fight' can also include tenacity in prolonged treatment, trying different meds etc. The fight is the same, the one direction.

Honour in persistence.

[Mares73]

Dear friends for those of you who read Neils post above & would like to send a message of support-there is a thread called "Neil-followup" on the Community Board forum. Just thought I'd let you know that Neil has replied to several posts under that 5th read about what he is going through at the moment. Just thought some members would like to know...Mares x

[ontarioguy35]

Hi White Knight,

What a brilliant idea for a thread.  Thank you. 

The 'black dog' has chased me for far too many years and has crippled my confidence.  When I was younger, I used to tell anyone that would listen that I would publish a novel.  Although I've completed two manuscripts already, I've been working on a fictitious novel, with the intent of exposing the difficulties and struggles that depression has created in my life.  I'm nearing the end of it and I find my depressive mind is starting to kick-in (anxiety as a result of the shame depression is trying to convince me I'll feel about opening up about this illness to certain people).  I find that one of the main things I'm trying to combat and manage is simply just finishing what I start.  Either or (and whether I chose to publish it or not), I will finish this project, then move forward with my life.  I'm currently unemployed, so the next step is to get back into the labour market and really face my anxiety.  I've also been single for a year (while I took some time to try to understand this sadness), so I'm also really looking forward to opening-up and allowing myself to start 'trusting' myself to date again.  Just writing this down on here is exciting for me White Knight; thank you.  I need to keep focused on the positives in the future, as I'm not at the completely sunken level of depression at the moment, however, I'm wise to the fact that I can get stuck in that quick-sand if I don't keep a firm grasp on this illness.

Once again, thank you!

[Joya]

Wow you really opened my eyes by saying depression will trick you into believing something, I've never considered it tricky but it is! It really is! I wish you well on your novel, I'm sure it will shed a lot of light on this thing called depression!

[white knight]

Hi all,  this seems to have struck a cord. I'm so glad. It is a place many can go this forum, to be at home. A place of no harm, anonymity and peace.

What Neil is facing at the moment is a place we all experience at various times in our lives. What better comfort we can give to another loving soul but to be here offering a few words of love and support. It's bad enough dealing with our day to day struggles let alone enduring the pain of grief. Hang in there mate, all will be ok.

Thankyou Ontarioguy.  Your words are wonderful and reassuring. Great to see you here. I too have written a manuscript called "Black clouds dancing" about three characters inside my struggling to survive in the one body. I must, now that I'm retired, finish it. I've edited it 6 times now.

[Little_Rascal]

White Knight you are such a top bloke!!!

you're responses to my posts have helped heaps and this post just illustrates the strength you have, you're an inspiration.

Cheers 🙂

[Guest_9466]

Dear White Knight, AOK,

Firstly, WK, interesting thread, thank you for starting it.

AOK, You wrote "Who will I be when I come out 'on the other side' ? Not myself, that I know."

I would like to share with you that when I came through 'on the other side', I actually found a more interesting me......one that is fun to be with, one who loves to laugh and who likes to enjoy life to it's fullest. I found myself being courageous, willing to give most things a go especially budget travel. The kind of travel I did is the shoe string kind and just recently, I decided to travel solo and I also decided when the opportunity  presents itself, not only to stay in backpacker's hostel but also in a mixed dorm. Admittedly, I didn't do it willingly at first but it was either staying in a mixed dorm for 11 Euros or pay 45 Euros for a room. Guess which I chose.

So, I think what you would find may be a much stronger you and one who is willing to give life a go.

MG