Depression- our ultimate goal.

[white knight]

We have quite a large community here. So many people suffering depression. Most have several symptoms in common, lack of motivation, worthlessness, sleep and more sleep, moodiness and the list - well I've only scratched the surface.

Sadly (and I wont ignore it) many mentioning they want to give up on life. And of course, that there is nothing left that  stimulates them. Yet, this is so totally wrong. We know in our hearts and logic that there are things you can do in life that will leave you breathless with excitement, place a smile on your face for days with you ringing all your friends to tell them and some experiences that will be lifelong memories. Yet for the deeply depressed this sadly is all irrelevant. Either their depression is so deep they dont want to even entertain the ideas or physically they are drained by meds.

What I want from this thread is for you to dream, to open up your cloudy mind to what is possible when you are in the depths of sleep or despair. As you lie there in bed have simply thoughts, simply plans to chase those experiences when your cycle has run its cruel course. 

So you wait till then. And a day comes when you are feeling not bad. you look at your partner and tell them to find the nearest hot air ballooning business "we are gunna fly".  Or hire a speed boat, light aircraft or helicopter flight, lunch at a revolving restaurant anything for that "buzz". Totally out of your comfort zone? you bet ya.

On the wrong tram? tell me, criticise me, suggest anything, talk, say it, I dont care, I am willing to take anything on the chin with this. Frankly, I will do anything to make progress with one person and I hope that person is you. Why?

Because yes, I've been there, I've come out the other side and managed my depression to a more stable level but I never forget those times and I will fight like hell to never return there. I want you, the reader to do the same, to travel on the same journey I've endured, to hold the hands of your family and run with them ....into the sunlight as one, laughing and loving.

You will not give up hope. You will wait for that day of calm and end of cycle peace to arrive and you will show that black dog where to go. And your partner/children/family members will look at you in awe, because you would have done activity that is not parallel to the symptoms of your illness. You will do it because you can, you will never give up. Your kids will love you for trying.

You will fight like you've never fought before.

[annoyed]

I don't want to give up however I see no other option to the constant suffering and pain...

Feeling like I don't deserve a small flat or house of my own where I can relax after a hard days work and be able to invite friends over without my friends worrying that they are being judged as not worthy to be my friend and myself as not worthy to be their friend.  I AM WHO I AM & I'M DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN!!!!

LET ME ENJOY MY LIFE !!!!!

[annoyed]

Do I NOT DESERVE TO BE HAVE MY A PERMANENT JOB SO I CAN BUY MY OWN FLAT OR UNIT ????? I feel like I'm being punished for wanting to be independent and be able to mingle with friends and then come home to a place I can relax in after a hard day of work....

Sick of being told what to do. Im over 30 years now and I want a life of my own...  Yes I'm responsible, have proven that time and time again. I don't do drugs or anything illegal, I just want to work hard in a permanent full time job and be able to build a small unit or flat of my own to relax in and be able to invite my friends over and hopefully be able to clear my head enough to meet a nice genuine single gentleman to marry... 

This appears to like it is NOT going to happen ever......

[geoff]

dear Annoyed,this is such a sad comment by you, I know that it's 2 days old, but there are many times when we just get caught up in all the current posts that comments like yours and indeed many others get pushed onto the next page, so unfortunately get missed so I am so sorry but I just wanted to try and make you a bit better, but I'm not sure that will suffice.

We do go through life working hard, playing or partying with our friends, eating drinking sometimes in a healthy way, but mostly not, some friends come and go, some succeed while others don't, but it's more about what we want or think that we want that concerns us the most.

Our dreams seem to be too far-fetched out of reach and impossible to even consider that they could ever happen, but we never know what lurks around the corner.

We can assume ( and I don't like the word but I will use it ) that nothing positive is ever going to happen, and it never will when we feel depressed, but if you are expecting that some gorgeous man is coming down the footpath, there is no reason why he won't.

Sure we all hope that the dream of our life will be there and fall in love with us, but doesn't everyone feel this way, I certainly do, but now I am too old, but that doesn't stop me from still dreaming, but being your age is the prime age, a young but mature person, so dress yourself up and enjoy the prime spotlights or venues. L Geoff. x

[dougall]

Hi, you mention you will not know who you will be when you come out the other side, life is a journey and we all change in different ways, we are still who we were at our core when we were born, you will come out understanding more off what is inside you and know how to talk to other people going through the same thing.  I look in the mirror and I don't know that person as I have not accepted I have grown older, I do suffer from mental issues, I do suffer from emotional issues, when I don't look in the mirror I know who I am yet the person looking back at me is a stranger.

[dougall]

Thank you for your post, it was a brave thing and I am proud of you.  It brought tears to my eyes.  We can all relate in someway to each other, it is a shame we cannot do this is real life and not on a computer. Openness is a quality we should all strife for.

[dougall]

Thank you

[renmon]

Hi WK,

Thank you for your message of encouragement and I absolutely agree with your sentiment. I'm experiencing a very debilitating period of anxiety and depression cycle at the moment and I am fighting it with everything I can. I have tried eleven medications and am unable to tolerate any of them. Apparently I'm in the 0.01% of people that react to all side effects, including a particularly nasty case of serotonin syndrome. I'm a single parent with two kids and no family support, very little social support. I'm unable to access respite as I live in a regional area with high drug dependency issues that take precedence over people like me who don't have drug or alcohol issues. When I'm not well each day feels impossible to live through. My memory is useless, concentration is erratic, lethargy and nausea take over. But you know what? I have never NEVER not got out of bed for my kids for one single day. When I was unfortunate enough to develop this disease I made a promise to myself that I would give them the best life lesson they will ever learn, one that was never given to me. And that is resilience, perseverance, self compassion, cherishing your good experiences can all get you through anything in life. When I feel that I can't do something for myself in the grips of being unwell I turn to others for motivation. What if I can make it easier for someone else going through this, just by being the example of living through it? Riding the constant wave of depression/anxiety without the assistance of medication is truly awful. I would always recommend to someone if they are well enough to try to manage without it but you also have to use whatever tools are available to help you live as you want to. Whatever works for you, do it. I walk my dog every day and I take my kids out every weekend, no matter what. Some days I cry the entire walk with my dog, or I have to stop to throw up from the anxiety of being outside but I still do it. I might not be able to push my kids on the playground swing or swim with them in the pool because it's too much for me, but it's bloody amazing they are wonderful wonderful children in spite of the gaps in my parenting due to my illness. I am a whole person separate to my illness and my person is lost when I'm unwell. I am an intelligent, kind, funny, generous person whom many people love and I miss myself when I'm gone. So I work as hard as I can to make sure that's never a permanent option.

[white knight]

Hi all,

I commenced this post on the 12th October, 12 days ago. It was posted during a good time for me, very little sign of depression or bipolar symptoms. It is easy to post a positive thread during those times.

Last week however I had a down period. It only lasted a couple of days thanks to proper medication whereas once it would last 10 days or more.

During these down days I kept reminding myself of "my ultimate goal" one step at a time, hour after suppressed hour. It was really hard. My thread here was no magic bullet. Nothing is a magic bullet. But what alternative is there?

There is only "up". I will never contemplate "down". I did once and had I gone through with it many family members and friends would have suffered. I dont even like that last sentence. It is now foreign, unacceptable and doesnt exist in my thinking.

So I fight on. Will and determination makes me get through.

[dougall]

We are all strong in our own ways, sometimes other people don't recognize it as strength but something to avoided.  It takes strength to talk about things, it takes strength to admit you have failings, it takes strength to get up each day, everyone has the strength in them it is just different in each of us.  I was in a very dark place and thought the only way to make other people happy was to not be here.  I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.  I got over that and each day is hard and I am glad you have a support group you can rely on, I do not have this so this forum is helping me know there are people out there who care.  It is hard to explain to someone who does not suffer mental problems the reason we react the way we do, sometimes we don't even know.  I am glad you are aware of your strengths.

[white knight]

Dear Renmon,

Thankyou fo your words. You yourself are an inspiration. Your determination to keep going, to continue with your routine of getting out of bed each morning for your children.

If only I could paint a picture of what it is like to be debilitated by depression and hand that picture to those that have never had it. Then again there are some people with physical issues that we wouldnt know what that is like.

Dougall-  your comment that " I was in a very dark place and thought the only way to make other people happy was to not be here." is exactly the comment that makes me forge ahead to post her often. For that comment is indeed a very sad one. If we here can help one person sway away from such thoughts then there is success.