Stuck between a rock and a hard place, and for I freely admit that this is my doing...sortof

[Dennis38]

Ok well of late been doing pretty good managing myself and my depression, doing DDP Yoga, riding a bike all in the name of getting rid of my walking cane (and man getting fit hurts!!). Well along comes my nephew in law and his wife and they moved in, they got kicked out of the place they were living in because of the fact that it was being sold (not to mention they lied and told the land lords/real estate people that they only had 2 dogs when in fact they had 6 dogs, 3 cats and a few birds). Well it happened faster then they were ready so I said they could move here, once they got rid of most of the animals especially since the wife and I already have one dog. Anyways, the kids (and the "kids" are 40 and 39 but really they are still kids in my eyes which I am only 39 lol) moved in, for a temporary place while they look for a new place to live. Well come to find out the Nephew in law's wife is in stage 5 kidney failure and needs to be on dialises and needs a new kidney. They have been trying to find a new place, well sort-of trying,

The kidney people said she needed another address closer to them (they were living in Bathurst and that is where the kidney doctor is in) in a month's time. NO way in hell will that happen so I told the kids to relax and they could stay here until everything gets properly sorted. As she has to go in ASAP to have the dialises set up soonest (surgery and all that).

So once again doing the right thing turns around and bites me in the ass. So now I have 5 dogs, and three adults living here. My wife is menopausal and lashes out a lot of times before she can control her mouth, which means I am the one that gets the lashing. This does not help my depression one bit especially when I lash back at the wife then I feel like I am a total heel because I should be in more control then she is, this will not rip myself and the wife apart I know that, but ugg it really is putting me once again in a black mood as I try to keep the peace. Why is it that when we do the right thing it always bites us in the ass or is that just me? Last time I did the right thing by not sueing the lady that ran me over it just got me over 250k in debt a shattered body and mind.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Dennis38,

Yep, quite a pickle and as you have mentioned, your doing (sort of).

You are smart enough to know that there are things you can do to mitigate the effects of your depression, because you are doing them.

I understand your need to provide family support and that wifey may blow a fuse but won't leave town over this.

That all said, end stage kidney failure is very serious and I imagine consuming most of your nephew-in-law and his wife's time and thoughts. They are in your house enjoying your generosity. I imagine they do not wish to cause grief.

For what it is worth, I say their pets have to go. Not necessarily to doggie heaven but to someone else that can be responsible for that burden while you focus on helping them.

Anyway, there are obviously many options and some of those would be much more ruthless than my suggestion. It is, though, only a suggestion. I do think there is no reason for your generosity to impact negatively on your health.

Keep posting if you want, I'll look out for your posts. Good luck.

Kind regards, John.

[Dennis38]

Thanks John

And Yeah getting rid of the dogs would be a nice idea but they are highly bonded to each other (both the humans and the dogs lol) So we are stuck with them and my dog actually likes them even the little yappers so once again stuck between a rock and a hard place. And I will agree with you that the end stage thing is a heavy burdern to them and I have had to kick them in the butt more then once to get them to go and do something so they are not just sitting in the house worrying. And as for the many options all of them are a bit more ruthless then what I am willing to do to these kids. Ugg I call them kids but they are my age but to be honest I view them as over grown 10 yearolds on a good day simply because of their poor choices and lack of thought that they put into some of their more serious choices that they have to make.

As for controlling the Depression I am finding that DDP Yoga I actually helping maintain a clearer head. Amazing what happens when we over tire the body trhough exirces and see physical change to ourselves that it improves the mental state a bit.  Also doing a few other things to help and focus my mind on other things then what I KNOW will set me into a tailspin.

[Neil_1]

Hi Dennis

Although it’s good to hear from you again, it’s not really – if you get my drift, cause if we weren’t hearing from you, then the assumption would be that you are ‘going ok’.  But as you’re back, well … ‘nuff said.

So with the ‘kids’ that are living with you – is there any kind of end date given for how long this period might be for?   I’m guessing that where you live is closer for them in regard to the kidney doctor?   If that’s the case, then that makes for any potential move out for them to be not so easy – as it’s a case of convenience for them as well as the kind uncle putting them up during this time.

It’s great that you’ve found this DDP Yoga to be beneficial to you and I agree 100% that a change in the physical state of our body DOES have an impact on our mental state;  the more that we’re able to do things, “any” kind of exercise and looking after our body, yes this does help our mental state of mind.  So I hope that you’re able to continue on this path – just little bits at a time.

Re:  the dogs, I hope that your nephew is on the pooper-scooper patrol either each morning or evening.

Kind regards

Neil

[Dennis38]

Hi Neil1

Yeah I know what you mean and for a while I was doing ok, then all this crap happened. The Yoga still helps when I can get myself to do it, part of the problem with myself is when my plans (and I did have some plans) get screwed like they have been I find that I have no motivation. Still trying though and that is what is important to keep moving forward instead of just spinning my wheels and thinking dark thoughts.

As for pooper scooper patrol no chance in hell on that, he is lazy. Ah well we will ride this storm out as always. As I have said before I am still alive thanks to love and God's good grace so I will try not to disappoint myself again.

[Neil_1]

Hi Dennis

We’re battlers;   and yes, when the seas get bigger, unfortunately it is a matter of having to ride it out (as you say quite rightly) “as always”.   Kind of like that old saying, “If you want something done right, do it yourself”.   Although I’ve never used that personally – because those words just do not go together at all;   “Me and do it yourself and making it right” (no handyman).

Is it possible when you say you make plans and they get screwed, could it be that those plans (or possible goals) are too big and hence they’re never achieved?  Although I’d be surprised by this cause all my dealings with you suggest that you are a pretty clear thinking and sensible bloke and so maybe your plans are screwed over by other devious and unpredictable sources.

Moving forward – tiny slow steps and perhaps smaller plans or goals;   or even reduce the number of plans or goals;  to concentrate on not so many.

Just thoughts anyway.

Neil

[Dennis38]

Hey again Neil

I have learned to make small goals and or plans as the bigger they are the more chanses for failure to happen but for some reason even my small plans get screwed, like turning my mother in law's room (who passed away around 4 years ago) into a work room for mine and my wife's business was blown out of the water when the in-laws moved in. Its a small thing I know but the small things are what get to me because of the fact that they all add up to be big things if you know what I mean. Just means that I am stuck taking over the kitchen table, well part of it at any rate. Just gets really frustated when it seems that even the simpiest plans of mine go massively wrong! But as I said I will keep moving forward and will continue to ride this storm out in my little dingy even if I have to use my hat as a pail to keep bailing!

Hope you are well as you can be Neil and may the wind always be at your back! And the sun warm on your face!

Dennis

[geoff]

dear Dennis, I will only make a short reply only because my mind is not totally clear after my op, but other  than whatJohn and Neil has said, and by the way they plus a couple of other people must have have done a fantastic job within the last the  2 weeks, not to say they have also carried on an enormous role as usual.

The only point I want to make to make is that your nephew and his wife lied to the landlord about the number of animals and that they were thrown out because the house had been sold makes me wonder, because if this happens then the real estate ( if it has gone through them) normally find them another place, so I wonder if they hadn't paid their rent.. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi Dennis

I must say that on this site, I’ve come across so many awesome people.  People who I would be proud to know in person and would really enjoy being able to sit and have a drink with.  I’ve added you to that list.  You’re just down to earth, as I said before, a battler who just wants to get through this thing in an ok fashion.   “The wind at your back and the sun on your face”;  sounds like a line that Captain Jack Sparrow might have said in the movie Pirates Of The Caribbean.  🙂   🙂

Cheers

Neil

[Dennis38]

Hey Geoff

What op did you have if I might ask..been shall we say a bit self involved of late to really be on the forums here, what ever it was I hope it helped what ever was ailing you! And I wish you a speedy recovery!