Diagnosed with Bowel Cancer

[lilly2016]

Hi, I haven't been here for a while, I used to be part of the forums struggling with Depression and anxiety, well I'm back. I am terrified of my latest diagnosis of a large cancerous tumor in my bowel which needs to be removed in the next few weeks after delays due to just how busy the hospitals are. I'm scared, I'm anxious, I'm sad, I can't think straight, I'm in pain at times but have strong medication. I have addictions I need to stop pretty much asap! I pray, I cry, I shake and deeply hurt by hurting others by my diagnosis. I think of chemo all the time, the operation, my life. I'm not coping. I haven't told my father and don't know how to, his old and already lost his wife his brother, 2 sons and grandson in the past ten years. I know you can't do anything about any of this but if just one person could pray for me I would be grateful. I'm sad by what this virus has done to the world, the heartache it has caused for so many people, the personal stories I hear, the depression lockdown is causing. I try make the most of the times I feel okay, both physically and mentally but I just fall to pieces sometimes. I'm trying to be strong and pray the lord will give me the strength I need. I'm not brave, nor do I think I deserve the love I get sometimes for some reason, but please look after each other and help each other, please do something kind for someone because it makes so much of a difference in someone's life. We are all in this together. Thank you for listening. Xxx

[lilly2016]

Thank you Deep Blue, I needed that, well see what happens, it's a very dark and difficult period for me, but I'm just going to try and get through this first and go from there. I'm going to post about how I feel in a few days. Thanks again.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear lilly,

I don’t know the time you will have your operation today..I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you with lots of care and prayers...

Please try hard loving lilly to put your trust into the hands of the professionals...and surgeon...They want the best for you as we all do here...

Sending you a warm comforting hug, with my care and very kind thoughts...

Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Dearest lilly...

Just popping in to tell you that the right words now are hard to say while your going through a serious operation...

Just to let you know sweetheart that I’m sitting with you holding your hand in prayer.....

Hugs lovely lilly...

Grandy..

[lilly2016]

Hi Grandy,

Im back from hospital today, 2 weeks I spent in hospital and it was horrible to say the least, but I made it through the operation but still in pain, but I have strong pain medication, not that I feel it as I've been on strong medication for weeks now and it hurts my tummy after I swallow it, like burning a hole in it. My back is sore from laying down and I have to inject myself everyday with a needle, which I get my partner to do as I have a needle phobia. I start chemo in two weeks when I heal properly and I'm scared. My depression was not so good in hospital I hardly said a word and would find myself crying but I still managed to have a laugh. I felt bad leaving the others behind in hospital, they are so brave. I feel strange to say the least. I hope you are well.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear lilly,

So many times I wanted to pop in and ask how your going, but was a little afraid that I would be annoying you...I was so very happy to see you have posted hear, and I want to thank you so much for doing so, I was getting quite concerned about you...

If it’s okay..I’ll pop in tonight..I just got home from my volunteer job..and checked on here..seen your post and wanted to acknowledge your post before I had a shower and freshened up...

Oh it’s so good hearing from you..🌹..

Be back soon..lovely lady..

Grandy..

[yggdrasil]

Thank you so much for sharing your situation on here. It sounds so scary what you're dealing with. I really hope you get through treatment ok and you're able to manage the depression. Wishing you the best 🙂

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear lilly,

Im sorry I didn’t get back here last night...I fell asleep on the lounge...

Awe sweetheart of course your scared..and your crying..it’s heartbreaking knowing what your going through...I’m pleased that your partner is doing the injections for you...I know they hurt and I’m deeply sorry..

Maybe before you take the strong meds have something to eat..or even take it in the middle of your meal..not sure but it might help with the burning pain..

You also are a very brave person lilly, it’s hard what you’re going through..Please...lean on your partner and family as much as you can...I only wish that I could also be there to look after you in person...but I’m only able to support you with my words..

The most important thing now and through chemo..is to eat as healthy as can...and reach out to your Drs. If you are struggling to much with both your physical and mental health....

Does the rest of you’re wonderful family know what’s happening to you now?...If not lovely lilly, please let them know, because they will want to be their to help you..to give you their love and support...

I will always be here with you..as much as I can be..

Keep your faith, and believe that you will get through the upcoming treatment..with a positive mind...Which is so important to have...it helps so much more then we will ever know...I am with you always in spirit and praying daily for your full recovery....Holding on to your hand in prayer..

Sending you my love, my care and some warm gentle hugs..💜🌹🤗🦋.

Please Talk here anytime you feel up to it..We are here for you...

Grandy..

[lilly2016]

Hi Grandy,

Thank you for your reply, lovely words and kind thoughts, you can never annoy me. I'm glad your still volunteering, it's lovely that you do, it makes a difference doesn't it. I wish I could volunteer but I must get into the right headspace first. I struggled in hospital but it opened my eyes a bit, in many ways, you become so dependent on the nurses and when you encounter a really kind nurse, it just makes your day, being kind to one another is just so important. I felt you holding my hand and I thought of you on the day of my operation, I was terrified that morning. My mum has passed away but I thought of her too, just being beside me. All sorts of things go through your mind before an operation, it's best to try and remain positive but it's also difficult to do. I could hardly hold a sentence together in hospital, my anxiety got the better of me for which I felt disappointed about because I wanted to help others that were just so sad, in saying that, I did my best. I'm still here for now and feel fortunate. All my family are aware now of what I'm going through and your right, it is a relief, it hurts them but they needed to know. My brother flew down to help and I'm just so grateful he did, I really needed that. I've been thinking about every special moment in my life lately, really feeling grateful for my life and all the wonderful happy times I've had in my life, thanking God. I need to make alot of changes to my health, it's going to be a tough ride. Feeling sad, a horrific thing happened whilst I was in hospital, an old friend of mine was murdered by her ex partner, you probably seen it on the news, her name was Lynda and without a doubt was the kindest soul ever, she was a living angel. I went to bed thinking of her and woke up thinking of her, so you know my depression hangs in the balance today, this world is cruel sometimes and it hurts. I have to make the most of what I have Grandy, you never know when your time is up do you. I just want to be the best person I can possibly be. I hope God can help me with that. I thank you so much for your support during this rough time I'm having and everyone else's support too, thank you everyone. I will keep you updated on my journey, this cruel twist of fate being handed down to me, but knowing I'm not alone and there are others going through the exact same thing. 🌹

[Ggrand]

Dear lilly,

That is very sad news about your friend Lynda...I’m so sorry about your loss..she sounds like she has a beautiful heart..I am truely sorry sweetheart....I don’t watch the news and I’m very selective on what tv shows I watch...

I was so very relieved when you posted here...I have never had any operations..I think I would be a cry baby..just before they put me under...I think you’re a very brave and strong person...With your faith, determination and belief that you have does help in recovery...My prayers are with you each day/night beautiful lilly...

What a loving and caring brother you have..to fly in to see you..I am so happy that your family knows now, and will be their with your beautiful partner to care for you..that’s gold...

Please don’t be disappointed in yourself..Depression is hard at anytime to manage without the added stress of what you’re going through...just try hard to keep your mind as calm as you can...Thats probably very hard for you right now...I believe that sitting out in nature and connecting with it..helps our souls and mind heal...God made it beautiful for us to enjoy it..his lovely orchestra is the birds, cicadas, wind, and the many other creatures, that live in it..

Yes..dear lilly, it may be a tough ride, with your loving partner, your family and friends all helping and caring for you..I’m sure you will be able to manage it....I’ll always be holding on to you lovely lady...you have touched my heart so strongly...

Whenever you need to or feel like chatting about anything at all...Please do so..I will try my best to support and care for you the best I can...

Please lilly for now..rest as much as you can..and look after yourself...My daughter in law handled chemo well...and didn’t feel that sick with it...I think it effects people differently..I’ll continue to pray for you dear lilly, if that’s okay..

My kindest wishes with my care..

Grandy..

[lilly2016]

Thanks Grandy,

I have been struggling the past few days with things but hopefully things will seem better tomorrow. I'm very confused about how I feel right now, but I'm putting on a brave face and will continue to do so. Thank you for praying for me and thinking of me. Talk soon.