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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Lost_hope The ongoing battle
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’m Russ, I have battled depression and anxiety since a teeneager and still now at the age of 41 find it hard to find a happy memory. I’ve tried many antidepressants and have had tms and currently on an antidepressant plus a benzodiazepine and mu... View more

Hi, I’m Russ, I have battled depression and anxiety since a teeneager and still now at the age of 41 find it hard to find a happy memory. I’ve tried many antidepressants and have had tms and currently on an antidepressant plus a benzodiazepine and muscle relaxer for the anxiety. I’ve tried everything in life from a extreme fitness to alcohol abuse to big holidays, expensive cars what ever I though would make me happy, I’ve had relationships but feel my inner demons end up subconsciously destroying them. I’m high functioning but dam the lows are low and harder to control especially after a recent break up. I have never written on any of these things before but I’m lost, I’m so very lost and tired of the fight and putting on the happy face. I’m afraid to die but I’m afraid not to as I believe someday it will get better but I always feel like I’m just out of reach of happiness and then it grabs me and drags me back into the abyss, and that’s a scary place cause each time the fight to get out takes a little more of your soul.

imbadwithnames Having a rough night tonight
  • replies: 4

I am currently still in hotel isolation (day 7 of 14). I did some looking for places to live tonight because my family is already making me feel like a burden and setting rediculous rules for me just so they can control me and my movements like I did... View more

I am currently still in hotel isolation (day 7 of 14). I did some looking for places to live tonight because my family is already making me feel like a burden and setting rediculous rules for me just so they can control me and my movements like I did when I was a child, and I haven't even moved in yet! I found some really cute places, so naturally I looked for jobs in those places. Nothing. Then I looked for work in the whole state. Nothing. Every single job requires experience of 2 or more years, which I don't have, plus I can't get experience because noone will hire me because I don't have experience and I get stuck in a loop. I won't be able to get a place to live without a job, even though I would only move into a place where my financial benefits from the government would easily cover it and I would be able to survive, landlords don't care about that and only look at job income, when there is none, you don't get approved which is stupid but anyway, that's an issue for another day. I hate that the world has become who do you know ratehr than actually looking at qualifications and working with people, expanding your horizons ect. I am starting to get pains in my legs from the lack of exercise and walking. I tried to do stretches today but I don't want to do too much because I don't want to disturb the person below me, and the balcony is locked so I actually can't do literally anything. I don't want to move in with my family, I still haven't got my bond back from my abusive ex-housemates (I wasn't on the lease so it should have been given back to me immediately but again, abusive. They are being difficult for the sake of being difficult), I feel tired and lonely and I just want to be able to survive without all this stress and stuff in my life. Housing is a basic human right, the fact I cannot get it even when I can afford it is a joke. I have plenty to do in isolation so its not so much that that's bothering me, I just... idk. I wish I could live and survive but I am socially autistic and struggle to make friends, therefore no connections, therefore the world tells me I'm not allowed to survive. All my friends are international and different time zones, which isn't helping. One of my closest friends has health issues and isn't online so I can't even check and see how he is. Life just sucks.

TrfrmBne My brothers lifelong severe depression & schizophrenia - just after some advice/thoughts/ideas
  • replies: 3

I’ll try to describe the situation and keep it short and concise. I apologise if I have broken any rules. My brother has been battling depression/mental health from the age of 17 (as to what I can tell). He is now 34. He was a talented, popular, life... View more

I’ll try to describe the situation and keep it short and concise. I apologise if I have broken any rules. My brother has been battling depression/mental health from the age of 17 (as to what I can tell). He is now 34. He was a talented, popular, life of the party, good looking bloke, a ‘natural’ at all board sports and a great musician. He finished high school at the age of 17 then completed a 4 year Electrical apprenticeship. Toward the end of the apprenticeship the early signs of low self esteem were beginning. Always doubting himself, asking family members if he 'was an idiot' or 'sounded like a dickhead’. He completed the apprenticeship but has not worked since the age of 21. 13 years now. Lives with my parents in the same bedroom he grew up in. He daily routine is this: sleep until 5pm, drink 1 litre of coffee, go back to his room, closed the door, closed the blinds. Once complete darkness, he takes the family dogs for a walk for 1 hour. Sometimes taking a skateboard with him. Then eats dinner that my mother cooks by himself in his room. He has a tablet with wifi. But other than that I cannot get into the room (he locks it) to see what else it in there. He never goes out in public. He rarely talks to my parents. I feel like my parents are “enabling” him to continue this down this path. They feel that he is going to “snap out of it” one day and that is all that can be done. They provide him kind of healthy food, fuel, a car and free rent. He is incredibly skinny almost malnourished. He rarely talks to me. I have been to multiple mental health facilities here in Australia over the years to see what can be done. I have been told that unless he is physically hurting himself or others there is legally nothing that I can do. I feel it has been long enough and some drastic change has to occur, eg get the men in the white coats to forcibly remove him to a mental health facitliy. Whether or not that is a good idea, I am not sure. I have been living in a different city and overseas, but try to visit as much as I can. Has anyone else been in this situation and is there anything I can do to help? Thank you in advance, I hope all is well. T

Guest8701 Lost my mum
  • replies: 2

I lost my mum a couple weeks ago to cancer and I feel like I’m slowly losing myself, she wasn’t just my mum but my best friend we done everything together and now I just feel so empty like I have a hole in my heart words can’t explain

I lost my mum a couple weeks ago to cancer and I feel like I’m slowly losing myself, she wasn’t just my mum but my best friend we done everything together and now I just feel so empty like I have a hole in my heart words can’t explain

Smiley1982 Feeling low / can’t shift this brain fog
  • replies: 5

Hi, I live in a small rural country Qld town. I’m 38 and have worked at the same job for 25 years. I don’t enjoy the job anymore. It’s not me. I don’t enjoy my fellow work colleagues company anymore, I just feel like I don’t fit in. Manager under the... View more

Hi, I live in a small rural country Qld town. I’m 38 and have worked at the same job for 25 years. I don’t enjoy the job anymore. It’s not me. I don’t enjoy my fellow work colleagues company anymore, I just feel like I don’t fit in. Manager under the boss in my office, who I work with the managers wife. She had only been there 5 years, thinks she knows everything and gets the royal treatment because of her husband being the boss. She is also very negative and only talks negative to me. She will even ignore me in the office, like I don’t exist, plus repeats everything ever I’ve says. My other work colleague has been there 20+ years and knows everything and is the centre of attention. She gets all the praise for all the effort I do behind the scenes. Plus she also tells the boss that I make mistakes all the time and am hopeless at the job. so currently the whole office gets along, except me, as I’m over the drama and being accused of doing things wrong all the time. Which I have defended in the past, but after 15 years, I would have thought I wouldn’t have had to defend the job I do, so I don’t anymore. we are currently going through a whole new workplace computer system, so all learning something new, with very little training. I’m the youngest in the office and would have thought I should be picking up, however I am not. I’m slowly losing control and hating my office job more and more every day, The boss pulled me aside on Friday and wasn’t nasty and I actually can’t remember what exactly was said, but something along the lines of - I need to be more supportive in the office of my work colleagues, as they have worked very hard and worked some very long hours to ensure the company is still running. They were asked to work longer hours - 15 hour days for the week, plus a Saturday shift as well, all overtime, they also enjoy starting work at 5am, whereas I usually start at 8 and finish at 4. I’m on salary also, where as they are on wage & overtime. I get the impression I’m getting pushed out the door. Which this is ok, as I don’t want to be there, however I would like another job to go to. During these trying times, I’m not sure it’s easy. Thank you for your time. It’s just nice to get it off my chest.

grenadejumper Help
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m S. In 2018 I got diagnosed with depression after walking out of class crying and asking my dad to pick me up, he suggested that we go to the medical centre, he didn’t know what was wrong. I privately asked for a depression test and I got diag... View more

Hi, I’m S. In 2018 I got diagnosed with depression after walking out of class crying and asking my dad to pick me up, he suggested that we go to the medical centre, he didn’t know what was wrong. I privately asked for a depression test and I got diagnosed. After getting diagnosed I got put on medication and I continued to get prescriptions till the end of 2018/early 2019 when I suddenly decided to stop taking it because it wasn’t working for me, it didn’t make me feel any better and I felt like less of a person. I went to one session with a therapist and another with a psychologist but I felt too embarrassed to go back because my mum was with me both times and I was so ashamed. Near the end of 2019 (November maybe?) I woke up one day feeling little to no emotion and it was a shock. Up until that point all I felt was this heavy weight on my chest like my body was logged with water and there was only underlying sadness but I woke up empty. I’ve been like that ever since, I can barely feel emotions and it’s like they’re behind this wall. Sometimes I feel a flash of anger and then it’s gone in the next second because I realise it’s pointless to get angry, I still feel the constant sad and dull feeling but it’s more in the background and I mostly feel empty. I think I suffer from emotional detachment. In the past few days I’ve been getting worse, I thought I’d been coping well but it’s like this wave of depression has knocked me off my feet. I know that I need medication (probably a different kind), I know that I need a therapist or psychologist but I’m too ashamed to ask my mum. All these problems that I have and all that’s stopping me is disappointing my mum because I’m too embarrassed of my own depression even though it runs heavily in her side of the family. Everyone around me acts like I’m fine but I’m not, there’s always this inner turmoil happening and I can smile and laugh but it doesn’t feel real. I can feel the humour in the joke and think it’s funny and get it but I don’t feel happiness when I laugh. I feel comfort with my friends but not happiness. I feel like my parents forgot that I have depression and that they think it’s probably “gone away” in some sense but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do but I know that I need help. What do I do?

SBBZ I'm such a failure
  • replies: 10

First time posting here. English is not my native language, so hopefully what I'm about to say makes sense. I have been in Australia for over 10 years, going to uni first and then settled down to work. Met my lovely wife at uni and got married 5 year... View more

First time posting here. English is not my native language, so hopefully what I'm about to say makes sense. I have been in Australia for over 10 years, going to uni first and then settled down to work. Met my lovely wife at uni and got married 5 years ago. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 12, and experienced many ups and downs but never really been properly treated until moving to Australia. Uni was relatively smooth sailing apart from one depressive episode that I came out of after a few months, without treatment. Working life is a lot more bumpy, with increasingly frequent episodes. Almost every time, my depression was triggered by work, usually by a new job. Then I had to quit the job because I just couldn't handle the debilitating and paralysing feeling it brought. The depression goes away after a few months, with the help of antidepressants and talk therapy. After 3-4 episodes during my not-so-long professional life, it was triggered again a few months ago by a new job. I just couldn't accept the fact that it's back again and again like groundhog day. I feel so hopeless that I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks. The hospital environment was not very ideal and I was discharged because I was deemed stable. Quite a relief for me because I felt extremely uncomfortable in the ward and I couldn't manage to sleep much at night. I started to feel better after the discharge and went back to the job part time, only to realise that I just can't handle it, even though the team was very supportive and flexible to accommodate me. The nature of the job just made me anxious and unable to focus, think clearly and feeling nauseous the whole time. I resigned AGAIN. I'm such a failure! My career hasn't progressed much over the years, and now I end up with yet another gap to explain to future employer. I just can't do this any more! I even contemplate changing career, but wouldn't that be another escape? Plus, with my current state of mind, I can't think of anything I'd like to do anyway... I have a supportive partner, a good GP and psychologist. I know I tick all the boxes for depression and anxiety, but I sometimes think I'm just using them as an excuse to by lazy. Sorry for the rambling. Already reaching the limit but I have a few more paragraphs to add ...

kelpie5 Help with bad dreams
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I'm currently in lockdown in Vic. I've lived with depression (and anxiety when things get bad) most of my life. It's been a tough year and I've had some really really low points, but I think I'm doing ok, considering. I meditate, try to move ... View more

Hi all, I'm currently in lockdown in Vic. I've lived with depression (and anxiety when things get bad) most of my life. It's been a tough year and I've had some really really low points, but I think I'm doing ok, considering. I meditate, try to move and try to make sure I reach out to people (I live alone). Even on 'good' days though, my dreams are terrible. I've always tended to bad dreams (it's often a first sign of depression getting bad). I started keeping a dream journal just to figure out why I wake up feeling awful and I've realised this is happening every night right now. It's really wearing me down. I get to sleep ok, and I wind down before bed. But every morning I wake up with a brain full of stress, from fighting, screaming, being lost, being chased - you name it. No matter how ok my day has been or if I've managed to walk, and meditate and do the right things it all comes out at night (and usually early morning just before I wake up). It's making it impossible to get going in the morning - I lie there trying to calm down, to process and remember the grief/fear/etc was in a dream. I lie there and name everything in my room to try to ground. It's just hard enough to get through the day and I feel like I'm starting so far behind. It doesn't seem to matter - I have a day of exercise, meditate, eat well - bad dreams. I have chips and wine for dinner and binge netflix curled under my doona - bad dreams. My subconscious is not giving me a break and it's hurting. Just reaching out to see if anyone has any insight or advice to help get through this, because it's really getting to me. Thanks for being there and my care and support to everyone out there, Tired in Melbs.

cynaax I can't help but feel empty
  • replies: 3

Hi all, this is my first post here so sorry if it's a lot Over this year I have been battling with severe anxiety, from around March. when it first started, I would get the occasional panic attack, which started with everything feeling like it was sl... View more

Hi all, this is my first post here so sorry if it's a lot Over this year I have been battling with severe anxiety, from around March. when it first started, I would get the occasional panic attack, which started with everything feeling like it was slowing down, a tightening in my chest, then my heart quickly racing and I would run down the stairs thinking I was going to die, and that I could no longer control my body and such. Last month it reached it's worse, I had gone on a long string of feeling normal again, if not happier than I was, since I thought I beat my anxiety or something similar to that. However then I started getting numerous panic attacks one night, I couldn't sleep and my anxiety was at it's worst it has ever been, I ended up not sleeping properly for a week, not moving much and constantly slipping into a panic attack whenever I had to get up. That's when I realized that what I was doing to suppress my anxiety was no longer working, and that I had to change my approach otherwise I would constantly feel like this. Due to that, I have changed a lot over the past month, I decided to seek help through my parents/grandparents, I started seeing a doctor regarding my anxiety, and am seeing the same doc each week to check up on me to see how I'm going. I have been diagnosed with GAD, and I've been referred to headspace to start seeing a therapist. I'm a little worried, but I know it'll work out in the end. However until recently, I've started to feel like everything is a constant lucid dream, and that nothing is real and I'm only floating through life. Due to that, it feels like I'm numb to emotions, when looking at myself it feel like I'm staring in a void. When I spoke to the doctor about it, he said it's called depersonalization and that many people with anxiety feel that way from time to time. Which has made feel a bit better about it, knowing that I can relate to people, however I feel like I constantly feel that way, even though my anxiety isn't bad at that point in time. I feel empty, it feels like I'm starting to lose it mentally, I'm thankful to myself for my improvement, however I just don't feel happy anymore and I feel like it's only getting worse to the point where I won't ever feel normal again. I like talking like this, but lately whenever I talk about things like my anxiety, or how I'm feeling, I can't help but feel guilty and sad about it. Thank you and hope you are all doing well! -Anthony

SashaS Numb new expecting mum
  • replies: 1

I’m in mid 20s and pregnant with my 1st child. I moved here a year ago alone with no fam/friends here. I am numb or not myself. I just seem to block everything or I just switch off the emotions like a weird ‘no feeling’ autopilot I now live in, witho... View more

I’m in mid 20s and pregnant with my 1st child. I moved here a year ago alone with no fam/friends here. I am numb or not myself. I just seem to block everything or I just switch off the emotions like a weird ‘no feeling’ autopilot I now live in, without even trying. This baby was unplanned. I was not sad at first but now I constantly feel the pressure of not being ready and that I am going through this on my own. I don’t live with my partner and to be honest I am not sure we will stay together. He hasn’t done anything wrong I am now no longer intimate and have lost my feeling of connection and love. He is mostly supportive. He can say things lately with good intentions but I take it as I am not good enough and I know he doesn’t understand unintentionally he has added to my own feeling of worthlessness. I wish he could understand my feelings. I used to be able to manage stress, I now no longer seem to be coping and I don’t even really care that I’m not, I have accepted I am in a bad place. I cry and worry a lot about not being ready/prepared to be a mum. At one point I was ready to give baby up because of how useless I feel. I couldn’t. I feel like a terrible person for considering it but going through this on my own is scary for me. Im in my 2nd trimester. I have a lot of anxiety and am socially withdrawn now. I clean a lot now I think to avoid myself but I don’t know. I have thoughts of just disappearing and wishing I wasn’t in this situation or any, I would just like to not exist as it is exhausting. Everything I do now feels like an exhausting battle and Im too tired to fight. My usual positive outlook is gone. I normally do not dwell and I dislike self pity and I can not bring myself to call a councillor because I have a lot of social anxiety about talking to strangers. I feel worthless and almost no emotions about being pregnant. I feel crazy or like a robot. I have not felt happy about anything for weeks now just coasting life like I am not even me anymore. I wake up throughout the night and I am constantly hearing noises that feel real but looking out my window nothing’s there or no one else hears them. I use to feel full of life and the world was my oyster, now I don’t feel much at all. I think I needed to let this out and I wish reading it over I felt something, but I don’t. I don’t know what is next for me. I won’t seek help, I can not do it. I am not worried about myself. Just want some peace.