Bipolar Depression

Darls · ‎18-11-2020

Hi, I am new here I have bipolar and at the present, I am suffering from depression and anxiety really badly for now 6-weeks. My anxiety and depression have eased and it seems to be lingering on. I am just wondering if anyone feels the same? I feel very much alone in that some of my siblings and friends do not understand what entails in depression bipolar and that I should get over it by being positive in life. My dad has been staying with me has been wonderful. He understands my condition, he is getting older and somehow I need to learn to look out for my triggers and to prevent me from getting worst. The one thing I have learned this time around that my anxiety is a trigger for psychosis. At the 2nd week, I had an increase in my mood stabilizer and another increase in my mood stabilizer on Saturday 5th week. My housework hasn't been done. My dad has been with me the whole time as I have been suicidal. even a shower is effort. Mental Health Unit doesn't want me to go into hospital and they want me to stay out of the hospital to recover. It is so hard on my dad, God love him. I did have a breakthrough on Saturday (14/11/20) and I thought I was better and then Sunday I woke depressed again. I had an increase in my mood stabiliser on Saturday which I been thinking that maybe the contribution to the downfall? It will take up from 2-weeks to 6-weeks to feel the effects of the med increase. My dad understands which is great and I have support from my case manager. Some of my siblings and friends think if I walk and keep busy it will go away but anyone with depression who have bipolar knows that far fetch. It all comes down to medication and for the neurotransmitter imbalance to balance out in the brain. I recently lost a friend because she felt I was bringing her down, it's sad that that friends and family will turn their back on me because of this sickness. I just wish to be well again. Does anyone else have problems with family and friends understanding bipolar? If I thought walking will take away my bipolar I be out there every day. I know its important to exercise for bipolar but when you are so unwell with depression and anxiety it is the last thing you want to do. Medication is crucial for mental wellbeing for bipolar. I don't understand the lingering of depression it's overwhelming and out of my control.

Sophie_M · ‎18-11-2020

Hey Darls,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. We are really glad that you found us, and decided to reach out here as we know how tough it can be to do this for the first time. It sounds like you've had a really difficult few weeks trying to manage these really intense feelings of anxiety and depression, and we are so sorry to hear that it's been such a struggle lately. It's great to hear how supportive and understanding your dad has been for you through this, but it's unfortunate to hear that your other friends and family are not as understanding around your diagnosis of bipolar- and that they have turned their back on you as a result. Please know that you are not alone here, and many in our community have had similar feelings and experiences, and understand. Our thoughtful members are here to offer you as much support, advice and conversation as you need through this difficult time.

Please also know that there is always extra support available to you between appointments with your mental health team, whether it's from our kind and understanding counsellors at Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636), as well as our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). Please do feel free to use these services as often as you need to talk things through, or when things are feeling like too much to cope with.

We hope that you can find some comfort in these forums, and in the words of support and advice from our caring community. We're all here for you, and we hope that you keep updating us on how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.

sunnyl20 · ‎18-11-2020

Hi Darls,

I'm really sorry to hear that you are struggling, it sounds like things have been pretty difficult recently. I understand mental illness can feel so overwhelming and isolating sometimes, but please know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. I am really glad that you have got the support of your dad and your case manager. It is hard when friends/family are not understanding. You are right, bipolar is not something you can just "get over", and while exercise can be helpful, it is more complicated than that. Adjusting to medication and finding the drug/dose that fits for you can take a while. It can feel really tough when friends/family don't get this or when they are impatient with the process. I'm sorry that your friend turned her back on you, that must feel really horrible. Please be kind to yourself, give yourself the time and support that you need, look after yourself.

I would encourage you to have a search through some of the other bipolar-specific threads on this website, you may find some helpful advice and words there.

Take care and please don't hesitate to chat more if/when you feel up to it.

Darls · ‎18-11-2020

Thanks, Sophie, I like this idea of forums and to reach out for help. I know I am not the only one that is suffering..

Darls · ‎18-11-2020

Thanks Sunnyl20, it is lonely and that is great to reach out..

Darls · ‎19-11-2020

Hi, Why is my bipolar is unstable? It has been a year of mania, psychosis and deep depression. When will it balance out so I can get back to my normal life? I feel like that I won't get better. I have had a shortlived breakthrough but I keep going down to depression/anxiety. I feel like a burden to my dad that has been with me for 6-weeks. I find you can't force to be well it is like waiting to be well, I been told to be patient, it is easy to say than be done. I know I am not alone with this, it is good to go on the forums I can read and reply that I am not the only one suffering here.

I am adapting to an emptiness that I fulfilled this year. I am 49 and divorce and I thought to give the dating sites a go, my friend that introduced me to the dating sites has turned her back on me yesterday she doesn't want to be my friend because I am bringing her down. Nice hey, not. I was there when she was sick and I was there when she lost her licence from speeding. I drove her around for 3 months and I go down with my bipolar she doesn't want to know me. You get to know who likes you or not when you get sick. So from December 2019 to October 2020 I was on dating sites, and I was scammed every time, I fell into these men trap because of my kind heart that I have and the vulnerability of Bipolar I was not thinking straight. So now I stay away from dating sites they are full of scammers. You do hear the good stories of couples getting together but my experience on them have been not good that has contributed to why I have so many episodes this year. I feel it bought me to stand still of trying to adapt in not talking to these men, I enjoyed the attention it bought to me. I need to fulfil that emptiness to something else.
I would like to know if anyone else feels like their depression/anxiety won't go away? Am I the only one thinks this way?

sunnyl20 · ‎21-11-2020

Please know that you are definitely not alone in feeling like your depression/anxiety won't go away. Unfortunately many feel those same feelings of hopelessness. There is always hope though, even if you cannot see it right now. I don't have the answers as to when or how things will balance out and why things are feeling so unstable for you right now - your doctor/mental health team are the best people to talk to about this as they are qualified and they know you best. You are right, being well isn't something you can force and it is a slow, non-linear process that you have to work at for what feels like forever. It is easier said than done, but with the right support, it is possible.

I am so sorry you have had bad experiences with dating and feel that you have been taken advantage of. Fulfilling that emptiness with something else is important - is there anything that has helped fill that void in the past that you can think of?

Please don't lose hope Darls. Take care. We are here for you if you need to talk.