Destroying my family and friend relationships :(

[Raia]

My depression is contributing to the breakdown of my relationship with my partner. I try so hard to explain what I am going through to him but he never seems to understand and tells me I am fine and that there is nothing wrong with me. Why do I feel like there is more going on with me? There is a distinct line between managing on a daily basis with your emotions having highs and lows, and dealing with depression, separation, trauma, loss and grief? Or am I the only one? I feel like I am alone on the subject of depression within my family and friends.  

[shay2]

Hello Lovely x

So I want to start of by saying that however you're feeling is real no matter what your partner says.  I know you care about him but he can't see inside your brain and can't see how you feel, only what you choose to show him.

Deep down he is probably just as worried as you and misses the happy you.  Depression is serious and I recommend going and seeing a therapist as they can really help you out and give you some tips to get out of your dark time.  In the mean time, maybe try sitting your partner down when you aren't stressed or busy and try to explain what is going on and that you're trying to help yourself.

Please remember that you may feel alone but I promise you're not at all.  I have personally suffered with depression for 4 years and I thought I was so alone but I finally opened up to a friend and she told me that she had also been depressed and was seeing a therapist and it took a huge weight off of my shoulders knowing that I wasn't alone and I had someone to talk to that understood and wouldn't judge me.

I just want to say how proud I am of you to come on here and share your experience and face your hurt.  Please put yourself first in this relationship and make sure you're alright.

-Head up princess, x 

[Raia]

Hi shay2,

Thank you so much for that, your so right. He says he misses the old me and I do too. I have been seeing a therapist for a little while which has helped me greatly but I find myself having moments of never ending crying.. which in all honesty becomes so exhausting. All it takes is for someone to ask how I'm doing and I become a never ending waterfall. 

I really do try so hard to cope but some days just seem worse than others which can be triggered by the smallest of things.  

I find it difficult to express what I am going through with close family and friends who make life seem and feel so easy and normal. They often reply with, all you have to do is.....,....,...,..... which absolutely annoys me 😕  

Its really not that easy and I've found myself withdrawing from their company and finding other opportunities to do things by myself. I am so glad I reached out and shared my story, this has lifted me in spirit so much more than what I was feeling before I posted in the forum, pretty sure I was having a panic/ anxiety attack over it haha..

x thank you for your response x            

[Zeal]

Dear Raia and Shay,

I'm sorry to hear about the breakdown of your relationship Raia. Some people find it harder than others to deal with depression/mental illness in others. Perhaps you two could have a relationship break, and then try to recommence the relationship after a duration of having time to yourselves? Hopefully if you two do break things off, it will be amicable, and you will be able to be on somewhat good terms. It sounds as though your partner is struggling to accept the fact that you have a mental illness. Like Shay said, mental illnesses are tricky, as others cannot really "see" what's going on with you emotionally.

You are definitely not alone in this. Depression is a common mental illness in Australia, and it often affects relationships, whether they are with family, friends, or partners.

Shay - I would just like to say that your response was really kind and helpful. To be able to give that sort of advice at your age is pretty amazing. I'm so glad you opened up to your friend - that is a major step forward!

I wish you both the best 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[shay2]

 Hello again Raia,

 I'm glad that my input has helped you even if only in a small way.I know it may feel weak but there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying your little heart out sometimes, crying can help release some of that sadness and make you feel better.  

 You mentioned that the smallest things trigger your emotions, it may be hard to pin point these exact triggers but if you can than it may make it easier to avoid them or conquer them.I also find that when I open up about feelings, people try to tell you how to fix yourself but maybe next time open up the conversation by telling them you only want them to listen and not give advice (unless you want advice) it may make it easier for you to talk and it probably makes it easier for them because they aren't desperately trying to come up with advice because they haven't been in your situation. 

 You know, taking time for yourself and becoming more independent is usually not a bad thing.  You need to worry about you first and learn to love yourself.  No one is happy 100% of the time and if they tell you they are then they're lying 🙂 

 Hope you feel better soon love xxx

-Shay

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."