Desperate to find help to start getting better...My first post (sorry if long)

[Belle]

Hi everyone,

I am new to these online forums and this is my first post, so I apologise if it long. 

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety from at least the age of 12 including stages where I have had suicidal thoughts and eating disorders. Now things are getting worse - I have disconnected myself from all my friends and family, seeing only my immediate family and boyfriend but even these relationship are becoming more strained. I have become nearly completely reclusive and have major anxiety when I have to go into public, making day to day life, and getting a job, very difficult. I have zero self esteem, little confidence, fail to take care of myself and have problems with sleeping. 

I am now 27 and after 2 failed minor attempts at seeking some (unhelpful) guidance (the online help on this site and a free uni counselor), I finally took the step today to try and seek some professional help. However after having built up to this moment for so long, and finally growing enough courage to call and book an appointment with a GP, and after a whole morning stressing out and feeling nervous, I came out feeling complete shattered at the lack of understanding and assistance I was given. I had pinned a lot of hope on the session going well, hoping it would be positive and aid in encouraging me to continue to seek help. So right now I am feeling completely deflated and feel like giving up on getting help and continue on in silence. It has certainly made me understand the great importance of making sure people are given utmost care and understanding when they present with a depressive disorder, as this first session will dictate the rest of their future in terms of their treatment.  

After reading many posts on these forums it seems to me it is a complete mindfield out there of indifferent, uninformed and unprofessional GPs, psychologists, counselors etc. and finding caring, understanding help is like finding a needle in a haystack. I feel so sad reading everyone else's story on here and hearing about the lack of care and assistance many have received from family, friends and professionals. 

So my question is, is it really that difficult to find understanding and quality professional help, or am I just not starting in the right places? Will I have to spend hundreds of wasted dollars on bad or general advice that I could have just got from the internet until I find someone who can truly help? I currently struggle greatly with money (student on centrelink), only barely being able to afford rent and food, and I have heard psychiatrists charge in the hundreds of dollars. 

Does anyone have any tips, recommendations, advice on where to start getting good quality help and assistance that is not going to send me to the poorhouse? Preferably some more detailed information than just saying "see a GP or a psych" - maybe any good GP or Psych clinics people have gone to? I feel utterly desperate as my situation is growing worse and worse day by day and I just want to make a start on the right track and start being able to live life. 

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Belle,

You have posted a while back.   Tough getting all your hopes up for the counselling session and then being deflated.    About 18 months ago I noticed that every other response on Beyondblue would be, as you say, "Have you thought about seeing a GP ?" and decided to mix it up a bit.

I had a good dog walk today, saw a rabbit, met a community member, talked about life, they mentioned job loss, I mentioned depression, they were interested, I mentioned Beyondblue, they said a friend had seen a really great counsellor and maybe they'd get the number from them and then we parted.  I'll probably never see them again.  What just happened ?  Communication !  

My dog demanded two biscuits on return due to suffering in silence whilst waiting for the chat to end.    Word of mouth seems to be highly valuable in these times.  The only thing that creeps in is that "Well, if that one didn't work then I'll never find a counsellor" attitude.  We tend to limit our choices with partners too.  Bit of a defense mechanism - protecting our vulnerable side but also making a barrier to life.

Adios, David.

PS   Did you ever think about lessening your expectations just a tad ?

[S_A_D_]

You seem to be stuck in a catch 22 predicament. On the one side your seeking high quality help. On the other side you worried you can't afford it, and want someone affordable for your income. You can't have both, so you must choose.

Do your research. If you go with a more affordable option you will probably need more sessions, which will either cost more in the long run, or the therapeutic process will take longer.

Evaluate your options. Pick out from the Yellow Pages all the psychologists in your region. If you live in a city, evaluate everyone working in that city. Eliminate all the ones with whatever you consider to be insufficient education. Focus more on the ones who have spent a long time working with people who have similar conditions to you, and/or researching aspects of your condition at university. Narrow the field down a little bit each day by their distance from you, their overall education, their experience dealing with your type of problem, how much they charge per hour, and any other criteria you deem important. Eventually one or two will jump out at you as obvious choices. Call them up, ask if they're available to take on a new patient, coordinate with your GP, and if everyone is in agreement then you're ready to go.

This is how I got my psychologist, I've been seeing only him for over a year, and I wouldn't change for any reason.