Why doesn't anyone listen...

Venning · ‎13-05-2013

Hi, I'm a 15 year old girl that is currently completing year 10. I am being repeatedly bullied by a girl in my class, she calls me names, tease me about my weight because I am so skinny, threatens me, spreads rumours, repeatedly touches my arse and disrespects my family. She would go to the principal and tell him something completely incorrect and the he would take me into his office close the door and yell at me, a week later he would always come back apologise and say it wasn't me. I have also been threatens to be failed because the girl took credit for my school work. I have told teachers numerous times and they didn't do anything, so I've been to the principal and they still won't do anything. My depression and anxiety has now returned because of this girl, my school grades are dropping, I feel physically sick when I see her, I constantly think or wagging school, I'm always on edge for her next verbal attack, don't even want to go to school anymore because I can't concentrate and I've hurt myself today. Is there some sort of legal action I can take? Because it is a crime and when issues arise it should be taken seriously. Aren't schools obliques to do something as well if not they can get into trouble with the department of education. Please someone can anyone help me because I really don't want to do this anymore, thing s would be so much easier if I wasn't here.

Dagebow · ‎14-05-2013

Hi. Yes, schools should assist you and to provide support. I am not sure what state you live in, but the NSW policy is found here https://www.det.nsw.edu.au/policies/student_serv/discipline/bullying/PD20100415.shtml

I would imagine other states are similar, they can be found online - just search for school bullying policies.

rachaelx · ‎14-05-2013

Hi, im also a 15 year old girl. With the bullying, im not really sure how to help you, as ive never really been bullied throughout school. however, although it seems hard, if you stand up to this girl, perhaps she will back off.. honestly, the only reason teenage girls bully, is to make themselves feel better, or 'superior' to others. and also, because if your the bully, you generally don't get picked on. this may seem stupid, but thats the way it is. i used to bully people, girls and guys, and it was stupid, and i did it to impress my friends i guess.. anyway, back to you. this girl is nothing special, so stand up to her. show her that your not afraid of her. one day you'll back on this moment, and regret not doing it sooner. with your school, they should be taking action, with both the schoolwork shes taking credit for, and the bullying. perhaps changing schools would be a better option if it doesnt get better?

Dagebow · ‎15-05-2013

Hi - I'll try to reply again as my first effort seems to have been stopped. Use a search engine (google etc) to find your states education department bullying policies and if need be, point it out to your principle. I work in education, they have policies on this and educators are required to abide by them. I hope you can solve the problem with the proper support from your school staff.

Mum1965 · ‎16-05-2013

Hi Venning,

Your situation sounds quite serious, and I would encourage you to keep trying to inform the authorities (again): your parents/guardians, your teachers, school/private counsellor and the school principal. Write letters if you have to. Are you telling your parents and getting support from them? You need as much back-up as possible, but start with your parents. Sit them down calmly, and tell them that you are having a serious problem with this girl at school, and that it is affecting everything you are doing.

On a side note, it sounds like the bully also needs some attention, so it may be wise to ensure you state that you mean no ill-feeling towards her and just want her to stop. This is serious, and your school should be more supportive than has been shown.

You should have a counsellor at school. They will take this seriously. Get in there and just pour your heart out. Start a journal of what is happening also. You need all the facts, but try to talk to someone again, and don't stop trying.

Please don't hurt yourself. Talk to someone. Soon. X

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎17-05-2013

Dear Venning,

Sometimes the one doing the bullying is just role modelling her home life. However, like the above posts, if you can't get anyone to listen it's just gonna escalate and you have TWO YEARS of school left.

The Education Department now encourages schools to list bullies. So, when that girl goes for a job she might be denied it on that basis. Any employment just wants a good worker not one that will cause trouble and cost them money. At the moment it's costing you school time, thinking space and eternal conflict.

I would go above the Principal if there's no connection there. A Police Report (because you fear for your safety) is always good to do as it's a clear factual account that anyone can view later. A diary. A counselor. Another parent who might approach your parents and ease the shock, horror reaction.

There was a News item during the Naplan testing that revealed some schools had banned certain "lesser able" students (in their opinion) from doing the Naplan because it would "bring the standard of the school down". If that's not bullying then I'll eat my calculator, or maybe just the battery. As one students mother put it "I was told to GO AWAY about my son or SHUT UP !". Which is like making the School the victim of the mum's bullying !!!! "How dare you tell us how to run the school ?" kind of thing. Justification is the new education.

So hang in there and be boring. Ask to change classes. Stay away from that bully as much as possible. Use some remarks to take back the situation without actually speaking them. To yourself: "Oh my God, here she comes again, surprise, surprise, what a pathetic attempt to hassle me, yell, yell, yell, invade my personal space, make an exhibition of yourself infront of your friends, go home, smugly think that you taught me a lesson, yeah, right, that's really gonna frighten me. NOT ! What a bitch !" Kind of just a mindset thing. Keep strong.

Or another great tack would be to take your granny in. That generation sorts out things out quickly and effectively. And it can all be done over a bunch of scones and warm milk. No Principal is gonna stonewall granny when home baking is at stake.

Adios, David.

geoff · ‎18-05-2013

dear Venning's, the comments already made are good, and I agree with Mum1965 as what to do.

Rachael's had turned her situation around knowing that it was wrong, and she's an intelligent young lady.

Let us know how you have got on after making contact form Dagebow's link.

Good luck and be strong, you have this strength hidden in you somewhere. L Geoff. x

mrx · ‎16-06-2013

I'm 50 now. I was bullied at school - and in fact at many times after then well into my adult life. Bullies are everywhere all the time.

There's always people that try an increase their power by reducing yours. The secret is knowing yourself. They're bullies because they want what you have...something different. Stick with the difference - you'll win in the end and you won't have to do anything except be yourself...difference always wins in business, in the arts, in anything.

Hang with it...if you do you've won - but being different is a life's work.

S_A_D_ · ‎18-06-2013

The public high school system is often compared to a war zone. Hundreds of adolescent teens with raging hormones and underdeveloped sections of the brain that deal with rational decision making. This is the excuse officials use to warrant permitting the situation to continue, and they're not wrong HOWEVER they are basingtheir decision on incomplete and flawed reasoning.

Adolescents crave an autonomy that most parents do not offer, so teenagers take it out on each other. A teenager's need for autonomy is almost as strong as the need for food, yet this is ignored in a society that values obedience and authority.

This girl that bullies you is trying to fill a need in her psychosocial development. She needs to feel in control of something or someone, and is using bullying skills to boost her self confidence. She is most likely from parents that are either:

Starving her of any self control as a form of discipline. Obedience at any cost; or
Teaching her that getting ahead in this world means demonstrating superiority and having control over others.

Both of these parenting strategies, and many that include both, are very common in capitalist cultures. My father tried this on me, but I resisted and have been a strict pacifist most of my life. The bullies stopped only when I started trying to fight back, and I regret that moment of weakness the most. As soon as the teasing stopped I stopped fighting, but it was too late. The years of torture had taken a heavy toll, 3 months later my parents separated, I dropped out of year 11, turned to drugs for pain relief, and destroyed my life.

I don't know what you should do, but I know that drugs and violence are not the answer. Writing letters of complaint and filling out police reports is probably a good idea. Anything in writing is probably helpful. If officials want to communicate over the phone or in person about how they are treating the situation, record it to tape. Make sure they know they are being recorded. Most importantly, refuse to stop recording if they request. If you have a smartphone you can download a call recorder app for free that records automatically.

Belle · ‎28-06-2013

Hi!

I am very sorry to read of the deplorable situation that you find yourself in and the fact that you feel you are trapped in a situation where you can't win. However this kind of bullying is becoming so much less tolerated in society and therefor more and more support networks and non profit organisations are being set up to offer advice and support. Here are a few online resources to look at that may offer specific advice or support to start with:

http://bullyingnoway.gov.au/

http://www.ncab.org.au/help/

http://au.reachout.com/Bullying

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/teens/get-help/who-else-can-help/helpful-links/bullying.php

Secondly, if you do have supportive or understanding parents talk it over with them. I know it might feel scary to open up at first, but most likely they will feel upset that you are being treated like that and want to help you. If you have any very close friends, let them know about how you are feeling also.

If you really don't feel like you have the kinds of parents or friends who you can open up to, seek out you school counselor (if you have one) and share with them - that is what they are there for. If you are unhappy with their help, or you don't have access to one, seek out your local youth group (most areas will have one - if you aren't sure of which is yours, call your local council). They will either either have youth counselors themselves or be able to refer you to one. These are usually all free services that are there largely to help with things like youth depression and bullying.

If you do feel unhappy with your school's response to the situation (and so far it sounds dismal), then Google search for your states Department of Education and try and find any section about complaints and issue one about your principal. Also try and find any teacher that you might feel is a bit more understanding and maybe make an appointment with them and share what's going on with them - it may help you to have that kind of teacher on your side.

Lastly, the fact that this is touching you inappropriately all the time could constitute sexual harassment, and if not that then at least some sort of physical harassment and you can go to your local police station to lay a claim - they will then be able to instruct you further on what you can do.

Mostly just stay strong remembering what many people on here have already said - that this girl most likely is acting from her own insecurities or psychology issues and one day may even live to regret what she has done to you. Understanding this may help you to not take what she says and does so seriously. Try and see if you can open a conversation with her asking her why she treats you that way and explain that if she continues you will seek legal action. Try and stay level headed and calm as best as you can, as you don't want to reduce yourself to similar tactics, getting yourself into trouble. Try your best to avoid her but If actively seeks you out and persists, follow through with further outside of school action.

Stay safe and best of luck with the situation!