Hi Jim,
I understand how you feel as I too feel lost, confused and hopeless all the time. It is immensely difficult to cope with day to day as we live in a society that requires us to be social, outgoing and held together - either in our jobs, or our social groups or in our relationships. Therefore anyone who is feeling depressed or anxious has to draw up all their energy just to keep afloat in the day to day. This can be incredibly draining and I know personally I sometimes just break down crying from the exhaustion and effort of trying to fit into it all. My boyfriend is my only support really however even he struggles with dealing with it at times because it means I don't feel like going out with his friends, or like doing much at all sometimes and he feels upset by not being able to make me happy.
If you have opened up to your boyfriend but he doesn't understand, maybe look at some of the resources on this site under the "Family and Friends" section and get him to give it a read - this may help him better understand and give him the tools to give you support. People who have never felt this way may have a hard time understanding just how deep and painful the feelings really are. Tell him how important it is and that you need his support and together you can seek help. If he still doesn't believe you and doesn't want to support you, then it may be time for you to consider whether that is really the kind of relationship you want? You deserve someone who is going to be there for you through thick or thin.
Also, if your job is getting you down, are there other possibilities like pulling back the hours you do, changing professions into something less stressful, taking holiday or sick leave to just have a break now and then, talking to our boss to discuss your depression? A lot of workplaces have policies and systems in place to help workers with depression. And if they don't you could contact WorkCover to see what they could help you with.
Have you begun to seek help for the depression? If not then maybe its time to talk to a GP about it and they can refer you to a psychologist. The system of help for depression is still not perfect and needs a lot of improvement, so don't be afraid to look around and try a few therapists until you find one that you feel a good connection with and who isn't just there spilling out textbook jargon and taking your money. Also look into natural stress relievers like meditation, herbal therapies, exercise etc. or take up short courses/hobbies that give you some pleasure like art, sport, crafting, volunteering for a cause, etc. Give yourself a little time each week that is just yours, for you to do whatever you like in. This is just to give you that little space to relieve some of the anxiety/stress/negative thoughts whilst also biologically helping to balance the bodies chemistry. If you struggle financially (as do I) there are several such activities out there that are free or very cheap even if it is just drawing yourself a nice hot bath or going for a bush walk and reconnecting with nature. I think a lot of doctors and psychs forget about incorporating these kinds of alternate therapies into people's treatment either just jumping to talk therapy or meds as a solution. I think depression is often not only a problem with the mind, but often with our body's health, our eating habits, our sleeping habits and our general lifestyle - and when a few of these aren't working they feed each other and make each worse. Making changes in these areas may not cure depression, but they, in combination with professional therapy, may help a lot.
Try and surround yourself with supportive people and make sure to give yourself a little time each week or preferably each day and also work at finding the right style of treatment that works for you. At the end of the day, it is your life and you deserve the right to live it without feeling this way.
Hope something I have written helps at least a bit!
Take care Jim 🙂
