Depression the great Lie or Change Your Truth

Dennis38 · ‎13-09-2015

I have suffered from depression for the last 15 years, to the point of me losing control and trying to commit suicide. As I have slowly rebuilt myself, and learned more about this great lie. Depression is a great lie because it based on lies that we tell ourselves.

I am fat, I am worthless, I have no friends, my family hates me, I am not worth loving. These are just some of the great lies that we tell ourselves, and we believe these lies because our emotions are running our head not the logical side of us. All of these things and more are going on in our minds .

What does "Change your truth." mean? You see we each hold our own truth, what may be true for one person may not be true for another person. With depression the key to winning this war, even the small battles with it, which turn into great victories if we allow, is to change our own truth about ourselves. You see all those lies that I mentioned before, a lot of them have a grain of truth in it, that is why we start to believe all of these negative emotions that we have. It gets so bad that we overwhelm ourselves, and can not see the honest truth.

Logic is the key to fighting depression and here is how Change Your Truth, comes in to effect. What we need to do is take, one of the negative thoughts about ourselves, lets say you keep seeing yourself as fat because of the weight you have put on...the truth of the matter is sure you may have put on 5 or 6 pounds, but when you look into the mirror you do not see these 5 or 6 pounds what you see when you look at yourself is this false image of a person that looks like a blimp. Yet the reality is that you are not a blimp but our minds do not let us see the truth.So what do we do?

We Change our Truth, this is a hard thing to do, but once you start with ONE negative thought, and truly look at it with logic, not with emotions, you find that grain of truth and you CHANGE it...so you have gained a little weight, get up and go for a walk, go outside and watch your kids or pets play and get a little active. I am not talking about running a marathon, even if its just going down the front steps and walking to the end of your drive away and back, do that every day for a week, then next week, go beyond your drive way and go a little farther each week.

This way you change YOUR truth as you will see that the weight is coming off. This is how you change YOUR Truth about yourself! It is not easy but you can do it!

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Dorian_Gray · ‎14-09-2015

Hi Dennis38

“Change your truth” is an interesting concept. However I wonder how would you apply it in a situation where you can’t actually control your ability to change things? For example you may (as I do) desire companionship, I look at it with logic and do everything I can think of to attain it, however in spite of this do not succeed, because essentially I cannot make a companion exist, either such a person exists or they do not.

A similar situation might be if your family hates you, no matter what efforts you go to alter this truth, they may be obstinate in their hatred towards you.

I think there is truth in your idea, I’m just trying to understand more. I just wonder how it works when the thing you are trying to change depends on externalities (other people’s actions, opinions, economic situation if trying to get a job etc.) that you have absolutely no control over and never can?

Thanks D_G

JessF · ‎14-09-2015

Hello Dorian, I would question whether the thing you are trying to change really does depend on externalities. Companionship for example. Is your unhappiness because you are starting with a rigid definition of what is required for happiness in life? I used to think that I was incomplete unless I had a romantic partner. Now, after being single for some time, I have finally become happy enough within myself that I realise having a fulfilling and happy life is not dependent on having that one person to be with in a fairytale Hollywood sense. I fill my life instead with a combination of friends and family who share my interests and passions. And I make new friends all the time.

This is not to say that I will be single forever - only that I was able to 'change my truth' around what was required to be happy in the first place, recognising that some of my desires were unrealistic, and unnecessary for happiness.

Dorian_Gray · ‎14-09-2015

Hi JessF,

You are right you can change your definitions and that would be cosnistant with a "change your truth" as i understand it. What I'm trying to ask is a bit difficult though to put into words I admit but I'll try.

Using your example of having afulfilling life with family and friends, which I' happy for you, however essentially those things are still externalities, i.e. it presupposes other people who want to be your family and friends exist. Essentially you cannot guarentee that there will be people who want to fill those roles, even as just a friend. You could introduce yourself to a million people and they might convieably all dislike you, it is beyond your control whether you get a positive or negative response. Specifically when it comes to relationships, I think as social animals all humans need them in some way to be healthy, and yes you could change your definitions to find a relationship of some kind, but it still depends on someone else at the end of the day...and also at what point - if you are constantly turned down even as an acquaintance - do you draw the line on changing your own requirements (or how low do you let your expectations fall?)?

Another example would be if you are unemployed, apply for lots of jobs but simply don't get hired (again that is beyond your control as it is in the employers hand). So you retrain in a different field, e.g. go back to university etc. as a way of "changing your truth" in response, or try applying for different types of jobs. However the exact same thing could happen again in a different field, as again it depends on the employer, economy etc.

I find the "change your truth" idea very useful and interesting, I think for some things it could definately work in helping people alter their behaviour and expecations (like in Dennis38's weight loss example) as that is something that is more fully within a persons control to achieve. I just also see some potential limitations that interest me too.

JessF · ‎14-09-2015

Hello Dorian, I can see a few examples of thinking styles and assumptions in your post that are worth challenging. They are the sort of thing that come up in CBT therapy a bit, particularly around 'predicting the future' and 'catastrophizing'. The first assumes we can know what will happen in the future, the second is about only assuming that the result will be disastrous.

Is it mathematically possible that I could die from a stroke tomorrow, or a heart attack? Feasibly, yes. But should I let that colour how I live my entire life? I don't have control over when my body decides to stop working, and expecting to exert total control over it is unreasonable. I need to 'change my truth' if that is a core belief for me, and instead focus on how I can live a healthy lifestyle and enjoy each day as it comes.

Changing your expectations doesn't mean lowering them, and I suspect this is more about what you currently value - are you saying that being single is somehow lesser than being married or with a partner? A few years back I would have believed this, and it led me to untold misery. When I changed my truth, I not only became happier, but paradoxically I actually opened myself up to a greater likelihood of finding someone to be with. The more desperate you are for love, the less attractive you are to another person.

Dennis38 · ‎15-09-2015

Hello Dorian

First the things that you say are externalities' out of our control most things in reality are in our control. It took a few bumps to the old thick skull of mine to realize this. Yes your family could hate you, yes you could try your hardest to find love and come up short, lose your job and try to find one only to be shut down left right and center. Yet all of these things can be controlled or better yet our Truth can be changed by us.

Ok first lets tackle the family hates us thing...So lets say my family hates me and wont even come near me..now this could really hurt me as I could see everything that they say as "true.." Or I can change MY truth and that Truth might be that I do not need people in my life that despise me and will do everything in their power to keep me down. Which means that my truth becomes I Do not need my family I can make my own, I am an adult and ultimately responsible for ME.. Sure I can not change the fact that my family hates me..but I can change the way I see it...thus my TRUTH becomes something more positive for me..

Lets look at love and needing a partner. As JessF said so well "time, I have finally become happy enough within myself that I realise having a fulfilling and happy life is not dependent on having that one person to be with in a fairytale Hollywood sense" A lot of times when we are so despite for love, a partner or affection we go crazy we look for it left right and center and the reality is that not only do we miss those that could be potential mates if we gave them an honest look, instead of looking for that fairytale that we are all have in our heads. We change our TRUTH to being happy within ourselves, we go out have fun with friends and family, we stop trying to push ourselves on someone and low and be hold when you stop looking, love finds you.

Again its about changing YOUR truth. The job thing, lose your job, you can retrain, you can keep looking, if you do not get the job ask why not, look at your resume..CHANGE your Truth, there is always things you can do with these so called time externalities, sure a lot of things we do not have control over...BUT that does not mean that we are unloved, we are not worth highering, its all about changing your TRUTH. It comes down to how you let things effect you.

Hope this helps if not ask and I will answer back.

Dorian_Gray · ‎16-09-2015

Hi Dennis and Jess

Thanks for explaining, I think I understand now, effectively it is a kind of accommodational perspective, modifying your own view point to make your experienced reality more palatable which you surmised as “it’s all about changing your TRUTH. It comes down to how you let things effect you. “ Sort of similar to “things work out the best for those who make the best of how things work out”.

I think I was thinking about it too much in terms of using it as motivation for altering ones physical reality based on the weight loss example, so it can be used as motivation but is more important as a coping mechanism.

I see the point on CBT distortions; I’m not assuming things will go bad though, what I’m more wondering is if changing your perspective doesn’t work the first, third or fifteenth time because of things you can’t control, do you keep changing it until you find a point at which external reality matches your new truth? Like finding a new equilibrium kind of thing? Or would there be a point at which you have to say this is as much as I can alter my expectations and beliefs (especially about yourself) and still be satisfied?

Dennis38 · ‎17-09-2015

Hello Dorian

First off the change your TRUTH is both motivation for altering your own truth, both physical and mental, as well as a coping mechanism. You see one part of the problem with depression is we react to things, our own emotions, the world around us especially when we see everything going to hell so fast that we can't stop it. The problem with reacting to a situation is we do not take the time to truly look at things the way they are. We let our emotions lead us instead of our brain leading us. Here is a good example of changing your TRUTH and I will use myself.

After being run over by the car, I had to learn to walk all over again, even just getting out of bed I needed help with, but yet I would stay in my room under the covers not doing anything other then counting the dots on the ceiling. I was sure if I ventured forth I would be run over by a car again, just getting into a car was scary for me, if the car made a strange noise or if it made the same noise I remembered my car doing when it broke down (that is why I was run over in the first place, my car broke down and I started walking home) I would freak and nearly went catatonic (strange feeling that). My TRUTH was that something bad was going to happen again, I would be hurt even worse, or bound in a wheel chair the rest of my life ( took me 8 months to get out of that damn thing and I was scared that I was going to be stuck in one the rest of my life). That was just my own emotions and fear running my life, not my brain. I mean the odds of me being run over by a car again are huge! But I did not see that, I was reacting to my own emotions.

I have since change my TRUTH, I go for a walk almost every day now (depends on weather and physical pain) I can get into a car with out freaking out, sure I will have a flash back once in a great while, but I can finally stop myself from curling into a ball and sobbing in fear...I ACT now instead of REACTING to the things around me. For the most part I do not let my emotions control me (I have good days and bad days but I am still working on changing my own TRUTH) I control them now. And not though meds its a hard process but it can be done. And change your TRUTH is about being satisfied and happy with YOU, if there is something you are not happy about with YOU change your TRUTH, it takes time but it works.

onward_and_upward_ · ‎19-09-2015

Hi JessF, I so wish I could make new friends. I have come out of a bad depression and just a really tough time in my life but now mourn the friends I once had. I have tried to reconnect but I think it has been too long and they can't be bothered with me anymore. It really hurts. They are polite but it's not the same. Maybe I'm not the same. I feel like I am going backwards again. I just want people to like me again. I joined a yoga group but even there I felt like I was crashing their party.