Depression symptoms. I don’t feel sad, just numb.

[sas27]

Hi all

im trying to understand my symptoms. I have PTSD and go through stages of hyper vigilance then fatigue. After leaving a violent relationship of 13 years, followed by another 3 years of court and continued harassment.
it has been 6 years since I left. However I recently had to move because he brought a house in the same street. I stopped walking everyday and exercising.

iv found after moving, the hyper vigilant/fatigue stage (which doesn’t last as long as time goes by) that I’m completely lacking in any form of motivation whatsoever. These are my symptoms.

No motivation. I’m still working full time, but apart from that I’m struggling to get things done.
Increase appetite. I have no motivation to cook so I eat what ever is easy...which isn’t anything healthy usually.

Weight gain😕. My weight always goes up and down and I usually manage it, but iv lost complete control.Lost interest in thing I usually enjoy. Can’t be bothered with people.
what I’m confused about is I don’t feel sad or teary. I just feel numb....like bla whatever. When I’m not at work I just want to sit on my ass. I argue with myself to get up and do some exercise or to get out and about but it’s not happening.
Doctor proscribed medication, which I haven’t taken yet.

would like to know peoples thoughts, does depression mean you have to feel sad?

[sas27]

I left him in 2015, court dragged out for 3 1/2 years. I found out last December he was in same street as I ran into him while I was out jogging (he was in his car), the following week I was told he was living in the same street. I have moved across town now.

i went camping on the weekend and it was so good to be outside, in good company with great friends. I’m a little bit less flat some days.
struggling to sleep a lot, and tired. Still not back to exercise, although I can feel myself slowly improving.

Struggling with work. Iv always managed to maintain my full time job. I have considered dropping to 4 days a week temporarily and it’s something my psychologist agreed would be good, as she noted I always push myself and my body to keep going despite being tired. My concern is financial as I’m not in a high paying job and going on part disability pension was suggested but I’m not sure how to go about it or if I will qualify.

my mental health tends to lapse at times, as I have chronic ptsd. Also struggled with adjustment disorder when I left as I walked away from my entire life as I knew it.

This time I know it was depression (which is a symptom of ptsd) as it’s a different feeling and effects me differently.

[Here2Talk]

Hi sas

you have had a lot of stress over the past. You are also doing a lot of good things - seeing a psychologist, spending time with friends, trying to manage your work life balance, distance yourself from your ex. Like you said depression is a symptom of ptsd, and as your depression is more the absence of pleasure/motivation rather than sadness, it is good that you’re thinking about exercise.

it sucks about the money/work problem... I too would love 4 days a week, I think that it would greatly improve my mental health. Alas, I too can’t afford it.

I wonder if there’s any things you enjoy that you could do or used to do that you could do again?

exercise is also good (and you have alluded to wanting to do it) as it not just lowers stress but can increase our arousal and motivation.