Depression rant

[Gob]

Just needed to rant 

Id like to say I have quite alot of knowledge and awareness for mental health and depression for others ,but when it comes to myself i feel like I dont know anything im so unsure if its real or if these periods of extreme lowness are just mood swings ? If my thoughts of ending it are to be taken seriously because they are frequent but I can say I would never do that to my family I just couldn't I think the people pleaser in me is a bit of a blessing there hahahha.they come and go I really hate this feeling of confusion  with myself ,I am working through this but the more I do more issues I didnt see appear and just as im making my way through something 4 other things are added. I feel like im just a bit of a mess rn with the combination of my young age and trying to figure out who I am in my life mixed with my other issues it is just a whirlpool of garbage that I HAVE to deal with .I guess the real test of life is to see if I am strong enough to keep going even if im on the ground I just have to keep moving. I just want to be normal .I just want this to stop . But I do see that this road of recovery is unbelievably hard .and if I keep telling myself I can't end it then all I can do is continue to ride this horrific Rollercoaster until it ends 

[indigo22]

Hi Gob,

Thank you for sharing some of your story and I am sorry to hear how confused and unsure you are feeling.

Firstly, I would like to ask if you are getting any support from counselling, or the help line at Beyond Blue or elsewhere. It's hard enough going through these feelings but without support it is even more difficult.

I understand about what you mean about having mental health awareness with others, but when it comes to yourself, drawing a blank. It is because most of us are great at observing the thoughts and behaviours of others but are terrible at observing our own. You are right, it is a lot to deal with when you are young and still finding your place in the world. The truth is that you don't actually want to end it, you just want the difficulty to end and I totally get that.

I have been dealing with depression since I was 12 but didn't know that was what was wrong and was not diagnosed until my 40s. By then a lot of damage was already done and I am still dealing with a lot of it (now in my 60s).

My advice to you is make sure you have all the support you need to get through this now while you are young, even though I understand it is really exhausting dealing with so much, it will take a lot longer to recover when you are older.

Make good use of the forums, read posts and join in conversations that spark your interest, this will help you make connections with people who are struggling with similar things and you can offer each other support and another perspective on how to get though it.

Make good use of the help lines when you are feeling overwhelmed, it is a temporary fix, but it takes some of the pressure off and helps you to find a calmer state.

You are right, it is a rollercoaster ride but the highs and lows will start to even out as you work through the issues you are facing. The number of issues will also become less as you tick them off one by one.

I wish you a safe and healing journey, your are not alone, we will be here for you to support you, but only you can do the work that needs to be done to heal.

Sending you a big hug and some extra strength to keep you going,

indigo22

[therising]

Hi Gob

I can't help but wonder whether you have a natural gift when it comes to raising others. What I mean is you can clearly see in your mind the problems and the way forward for them when they confide in you. While I used to think of a 'seer' as some gypsy type with a head scarf and hooped earrings (as portrayed in the movies), in reality a seer is simply someone who has the ability to see through their mind and imagination. One problem most seers face is not being able to see for themself. It can be like a depressing blank screen at times, showing no way forward. To manage this, they'll find someone who can see for them during blank screen periods in life.

Whether you look for someone who can gain a clear vision of exactly what your struggles are about, what the path ahead needs to like like for you or something else, a lot of the time it's about finding the best guide. Whether that's a psychologist who can help you see issues more clearly, a family member or friend who's a bit of an inspiring visionary or someone else, it might be about bringing things into focus while making better sense of where you find yourself on your path in life.

You mention you can see the road ahead as being unbelievably hard. Not sure if it will be of any help but I find meditating all the way into my imagination to be handy at times. Yes, a bit strange but I find it helps. If you're a bit of a daydreamer, this shouldn't be too hard. While I'm in there, my road looks like a path through a forest. There will be times where I can see myself walking that path alone, with no sense of direction. I can see myself as being so lost. There will be times where I might stop at a little cottage down a track for some sage advice. Inside that imagined cottage is a sage and when I ask the question 'Why am I struggling so much?', for example, I see or hear what naturally comes to mind. Could be something like 'You are wandering aimlessly because you have no aims/goals' or 'How can you look forward to something when you've created no vision to look forward to, no vision to see?'.

A solid sense of identity can be a hard and confusing thing to achieve at times, that's for sure. If you are a bit of a seer and guide for others, you could at least say 'I am a seer and I am a guide. That is partly who I am'. You could also say 'I am someone who raises myself through gaining greater self understanding'. You could also say 'I am someone who faces challenges and moves through them, as a way of evolving'. Perhaps you're on the verge of finding who you naturally are. The verge can be a brutal place at times, packed with torment. It tends to be a place that's largely about letting go of certain things and moving forward. It can have a bit of a limbo feel to it at times.

[Richju]

Dear Gob,

Could it be that, due to your sensitivity, your are absorbing other's depression?

I would suggest that, before you make contact with those with mental health issues, that you do a visualisation that you are having a nice long shower then you are dressing yourself in thick clothing, perhaps with a balaclava. I know it sounds extreme but it might offer you protection.

Kind regards 

Richju