Hi All, Have had depression for around ten years,It is envioromental depression if there is such a thing I don't think it is a chemical imbalance as there is no depression in the family that I know of altough my mother has high Anxiety and will never admit it ,she isn't good at admitting things I have to say, particularly the mental abuse we suffered and even at 53 still getting it today altough my sisters get far more now than I do as I don't see her much now, and avoid her like the plague but still get panic attack when I see it's her on the phone ,so damage done too deep to just forget.Married a woman who is pretty much the same only with far more venom and we barely speak and I have to end this marriage and soon or it will take me this time. I just have'nt the strength for the torrid battle it will be and she will use our son as a weapon against me that I can't avoid.It kills me he is 17 and is autisic and has the worst OCD that 3 doctors and 5 psycologists have ever seen (their words). he washes his hands 50 times a day is paranoid about germs and fumes so will not go out of the house without a major battle ,and has also a phobia about flies ,and we live in sydney so summer is an absolute joy as you can imagine.I am not on any meds as I was for 7 years and will not go down that road again ,have seen many psycologists with varying degree's of assistance ranging from little to none.One has been very helpful and very well known so when I watch tv I see her often I aso do her work I am a tradie so it is a little familiar and Fills me with shame when I think about how she must feel about me ,even thogh I know it isn't the case and I know it's just the ruminating thought patterns creating a false reality it still hurts me.I have hit a place where I haven't been before in as much as I don't want to go out and I don't want to exersize which I normally do crossfit 4 times a week and yoga twice a week I have just hit a wall and feel paralized ,
