Depression is so Exhausting

[ro63]

Hi All, Have had depression for around ten years,It is envioromental depression if there is such a thing I don't think it is a chemical imbalance as there is no depression in the family that I know of altough my mother has high Anxiety and will never admit it ,she isn't good at admitting things I have to say, particularly the mental abuse we suffered and even at 53 still getting it today altough my sisters get far more now than I do as I don't see her much now, and avoid her like the plague but still get panic attack when I see it's her on the phone ,so damage done too deep to just forget.Married a woman who is pretty much the same only with far more venom and we barely speak and I have to end this marriage and soon or it will take me this time. I just have'nt the strength for the torrid battle it will be and she will use our son as a weapon against me that I can't avoid.It kills me he is 17 and is autisic and has the worst OCD that 3 doctors and 5 psycologists have ever seen (their words). he washes his hands 50 times a day is paranoid about germs and fumes so will not go out of the house without a major battle ,and has also a phobia about flies ,and we live in sydney so summer is an absolute joy as you can imagine.I am not on any meds as I was for 7 years and will not go down that road again ,have seen many psycologists with varying degree's of assistance ranging from little to none.One has been very helpful and very well known so when I watch tv I see her often I aso do her work I am a tradie so it is a little familiar and Fills me with shame when I think about how she must feel about me ,even thogh I know it isn't the case and I know it's just the ruminating thought patterns creating a false reality it still hurts me.I have hit a place where I haven't been before in as much as I don't want to go out and I don't want to exersize which I normally do crossfit 4 times a week and yoga twice a week I have just hit a wall and feel paralized ,

[Quercus]

Hi CA and Ross,

Just a thought...

How do you handle the constant put downs and general toxic environment?

There are a lot of people on the forums and in life who struggle with an ex and the arguments and general anger and resentment. I was just wondering what can you practically do to maintain your confidence?

[clownartist]

Hi Quercus suber,

Look I cant speak for Ross,but the constant put downs and toxic environment have taken there toll on my mental health as well as a combination of work/financial stress.It is not my ex wifes fault but a perfect storm of calamities that have occurred.My self confidence has taken a battering I am completely avoiding any relationships ,I have looked at online dating . I dont think the potential new partner could cope with me.

On reflection I realise my ex has some quite detrimental behaviour .One of the things she constanly did was flirt with other men in front of me and the worst thing is I tolerated it!!That really gets under my skin now with self confidence

I have found two things have helped me recently my friend she has so supportive and this forum, I have to make a special note of White Knight he seems some amazing understanding of men going thru hard times probably because he has been thru it himself. But god I have a long way to go and worried if I will every be happy and content again

I dont know your situation Quercus but I can see you have been active with posts. CA

I

[ro63]

Hi Quercus and clown artist ,and thank you for dropping in and your kind thoughts ,yes things are not good right now my son's ocd has us living like prisoners at the momen,t and have been sick too so just seems to compound things ,have a few things to try with my son but it will be a long road .yes constant put downs and gas lighting take a horrible toll on your self esteem and which ends up you just try and ignore them so as not to end up in a never ending fight which is exhausting ,I am going to th us for a month it will be a mental break from this and give me time to think of what i can do next because it cannot continue like this it is no life for anyone ,I do see where john cleese was comming from the seemingly endless negative talk and energy is soul destroying ,thank you again for dropping by and i will be back soon ,all my best Ross.