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Things I have lost part I - friends

Fredi
Community Member

I had a whole heap of friends that I kept in touch with, organised things with.I would be a recluse every now and then, but we would always be out and about. Travelling to Tassie, travelling to Canada, kayaking/canoeing Kangaroo Point river, driving to Darwin for wedding, having
dinners etc.

Then things started to happen. My depression smacked me hard and I was down for the count for some time. My close friends were great, and even went to the community counsellor at the hospital to learn about depression, signs, what it means etc. This buoyed me up – how lovely. But I haven't really got better.

I began to fall out of the loop. People did not include me in the group invites or to the Christmas party. Friends did not tell me that my other ‘friends’ were in a bad places (like 1 with stage III breast cancer; another whose parents died), so I just drifted backwards more and more. This made me terribly sad – and made me feel very selfish as I wasn’t there to support them,which made me more distant as I didn’t know what to say (I know this is very self, self, self, but that is where I am at right now).

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Fredi, welcome

Friends, sometimes we see more complexity than what is there.

See, we assume too much at times. We dont know details of possibilities. Did the petson that has breast cancer want everyone to know about it? Some dont. Is you being semi recluse redult in you being overlooked to inform? Have friends drifted away naturally like having kids, a change in their lifestyle or odd working hours in a new job?

Many years ago I went crook at two friends that drifted without realising they just naturally drifted away. From then on any friendship they had with me was on obligation and that isnt good.

I think you might need to contact them a bit more often, just casually. Dont take things personally.

Finally, good friends dont worry about "repaying" good favours until the time comes around. Google this

Topic: the weighing scale of friendships- beyondblue

Good luck

Tony WK

PhilK
Community Member

I've had to take a fresh look at friendships over the last couple of years. One thing I've found that helped is to accept that at different stages in life people will be in your life and at other times they may not be. I've also seen my sister go through some stuff and seen some of her friends "ditch" her - I take the view they weren't true friends.

Then I've realised that most of my friendships have been based on shared experiences. And that if I don't get out there and make the effort to create those shared experiences then friendships (true ones anyway) will be hard to forge.