Hi Ausdog
It sounds like you're going through absolute hell right now. To be doing that on your own is even more torturous. Has your son always been the voice of reason to some degree, sometimes able to help you manage the other voices? Have you ever managed in the past to ground your self in some way, out of hearing the voices that challenge you so intensely? Maybe you've managed some of them in certain ways. Are they worse under certain circumstances or in certain environments? You mention when you relax this tends to make them worse. Are there any that are good or helpful, even if it's just one? Can you hear one, for example, but it's just too quiet to hear clearly, over the rest? Is there one you could trust in the past, to support you, but maybe it's disappeared or you've forgotten about it over time?
It sounds like maybe the true you is the you who has managed so intensely over time, to the point of pure exhaustion. I can't imagine how incredibly exhausting this must be, managing so much of what you hear, while also trying to manage what you see when you go to sleep. It sounds so incredibly exhausting. I imagine the exhaustion doesn't help matters, perhaps even making things worse.
Are you interested in connecting with people who've been able to manage the voices strategically, in a way where they manage to live with them while not letting them take over or dictate? Are you open to suggestions or guidance from people who can fully relate to what you're facing, who can maybe help make some constructive difference to you?
