Depressed sister

[Nags]

My sister is depressed. She breaks down every night. Tonight she called my parents and told them she is sorry for everything and she is not brave. Last week, her boyfriend broke up with her and when I asked her what's wrong she said that no one respects her (even me).

I care so much about her but the thing is that she hardly listens to me. She doesn't eat food and I feel it is spoiling her health too.

History: My sister has been having sudden break downs from past 8 years. But in this month it has gotten a lot.

If any one of you have experienced the same situation with someone or within your family, any advice is appreciated. I am so bloody concerned about her guys. Please help me out!

[SoMuddled]

Sounds very similar to someone I know.

Try organising to spend time together. Nights are usually hardest for most people when struggling so maybe try having her over or staying at hers for a night or 2 and helping her out with general things that might be overwhelming her like dishes or washing etc. Possitive reinforcement also helps and just being careful how you word things, sometimes when people say things that are meant nicely it gets taken the wrong way or even as being sarcastic. Let her talk/vent but let her know things aren't her fault.

Feel like you are not alone helps a great deal.

[mocha delight]

Hi nags first of I just want to say you sound like an absolutely amazing sister and I kind of wish I had even a fraction of that kind of support. But unfortunately one family member completely ignored me and ummm yeah the other family member I reached out to it went completely the opposite of how I was hoping it would go. Then other then all the awesome people here I had like no support and made me feel worser about myself. So from my experience I recommend spending time with your sister like over coffee for example and just chat or even a phone call as sometimes we just need to know someone will care and give some support.

[Nags]

I am trying as much as possible to get time with her. Most of the time she spends in her room on her phone (which I feel is overloading her mind). I told this to her before (in a concerned way) but it didn't end up well. So instead of telling anything much, I started to make some meals for her which she eats. Sometimes she eats but most of the time she says she doesn't feel like.

It is hard for me to spend time at night with her because I usually sleep early due to work. But sometimes I stay up late and we play board games and watch TV with a mutual friend of ours. Some days she is happy and some days (from morning to evening), she is depressed.

I wanna know, do those feelings, that my sister has will ever go away? Or is it gonna be this way throughout and I should change the way I converse and act around her?

And thanks for your reply, I got a little relief knowing that I not alone. I just wish she gets to know it too.

[Nags]

Thanks for replying mocha and I hope you are doing well.

As you have advised, I will support her in the ways I can.

Btw, you said that you were surrounded by awesome people and had no support which made you feel worse about yourself. Could you tell me why? Because I feel that's also an issue with my sister as she keeps saying that she isn't worth it, incapable of doing things, and even if she does them, she isn't respected for it or it wasn't enough to make anyone proud. Is there a way I can change that?

One more thing, I am planning to ask her this: "Hey sis, you told me that no one respects you (including me) and makes you sad, however I never meant that from my side and don't want to feel this way because I care about you. Is there something I should or should not do so that you don't feel that way". Do you think I can say this? How would you react if someone close to you said that?

Btw, I am her younger brother (by 3 years).

[mocha delight]

Sorry nags I just assumed by the name my bad (just makes your a even better sibling in my opinion than as most guys probably wouldn’t want to deal with something like that) and I meant the awesome people here on bb but no I got other support from anyone in person. Yes I can feel like I’m not worth it ect ect ect sometimes so I wish had an answer for you but unfortunately I have no answer for that as I just started out on my journey to hopefully getting better with my new prescription medication I was prescribed this Friday which I started that night and technically have not been to a psychologist or officially been diagnosed just yet. As to your last 2 questions it would depend on the factors at play if that makes sense? (sorry did not know exactly how to word that) and I don’t know how I would react if someone said that to me. Sorry I can’t be of more help but I’m just trying to figure out things myself.

[Gambit87]

Nags,

You are a freaking great brother for looking out for your sister like you are.

Be there for her, support her, let her know that she is loved and cared for. That's all you can do, if I were you i'd be nudging your sister to get help.

Has your sister talked to a GP at all about this? I cant recommend enough getting a referral to see a psychologist.

[Nags]

That's alright mocha. You reply itself is much appreciated.

Yes, I understand when you say it depends on the factors at play. Sometimes I feel that she needs to know certain stuff to handle her emotions but I am always afraid to say it because she may take it the wrong way. I will try my best to converse with her in a better way. All I am doing for her right now is just being present when she is home and making some veggies and tofu for her so she can eat them whenever she feels like.

Also one more thing, even I used to feel worthless most of the time and then realized that it was because I used to compare myself with others rather than myself. I wish I could say this to my sister but I am sure it will backfire so for now I will just post this here. Maybe this could help you. Because it helped me.

[Nags]

Thanks for that Gambit 🙂 I feel a little good knowing that I am caring for her (I really wish my sister sees that, as I am not very expressive in front of her).

And to your question, No, she hasn't seen a GP. I feel she needs to see a psychologist but I am not sure how I can tell her to do this. I feel that if I tell her to see a psychologist, then she will think that I or my parents can't deal with her and are forcing her to see a psych. Is there a chance that this could happen? or is it me overthinking?

Also, is it a better time to talk about this when she is not in a mood to talk to anyone including me) OR after a few days after she feels a little better?

[Gambit87]

If shes emotional at the moment, maybe wait until shes in a better mood.

But you need to be straight up, 'look sister, I think you need help - please see a GP'

Theres no easy way to say to someone that you think that they need help. It can be tough for them to hear it, but they'll realise that they do need help.