Hi TRS91
I salute you as you work hard to recover from PND while managing anxiety. While my babies (17yo boy and 20yo girl) are grown, I'll never forget the hell of PND. The mental dialogue and brutal belief systems, the chemical imbalances and the soul destroying facets all feel like hell.
Can relate to the alcohol factor in depression (aka 'Pick your emotion and break the seal in the hope to find it'). If brewers were to put side effects on labels, 'Side effects may include feelings of relaxation, excitement, happiness...'. In fine print, '...pangs of deep regret, feelings of loneliness, overwhelming sadness'. Once the chemistry in that bottle mixes with the chemistry in our body, there's no guarantee. While no longer an emotional drinker, am definitely an emotional eater.
With COVID lockdowns in Victoria, the junk food aisle became a resource centre for this mad/sad scientist. Chips, chocolate and whatever else equaled chemical reactions of pure joy. Fast food deliveries created explosions of elation when the doorbell rang. I resembled Pavlov's dog 😂 Btw, something I learned while being diagnosed with sleep apnea - with a serious and even depressing lack of energy, the body will crave energy something shocking and look for it in any way it can get it.
Blood tests (B12, iron, thyroid etc) could be a basic start if what you're trying to cope with does happen to involve a deficiency. While alcohol interferes with the kind of energy that comes from good quality sleep, quality sleep deprivation may be another factor. If you've lost a lot of energy through PND, demands of parenting and anxiety (maybe an exhausted nervous system), you could be in 'flat battery' mode.
While I still work on managing periods in depression, I have to say depression led me to a new identity. I'm a detective who looks to solve why I feel, think and behave in the ways I do. Being a detective fuels the soul.
