Hi I no what I am saying is not about what you were talking about but I don't know how to start a new thread. I have really had it with life , I am so depressed and drink inking a lot. I have got to the stage that in the morning I want a drink ,I don't have one ,but by 3 or 3.30 i do . I wait for my husband to come home so he will have a drink with me. He will have a beer or two some nights but not always he is not a big drinker or should I say doesn't drink for the sake of it. I drink outside the house on the deck because I don't smoke in the house. I so wish he would sit and drink with me ,but he's normal and doesn't need to. I will sit for hours drinking and smoking outside no matter how cold he sits and watches TV . I hate TV I look and wish he would come out and drink. I no this is so I don't feel so bad about drinking I . I don't know why I should bother being here for 1more day but I solider on I have to see past this but I don't know how . When I'm drunk I can sit outside smoke and not think that's so wonderful but not right. Intellectually I no this is wrong but that's so different than what I am able to do. At the moment I don't know what to do. I think I would like to go to a private clinic but don't know how. Have a wedding tomorrow will go through all the paces but won't feel anything that's real I will just get through it. It's 8.45 my husband is napping like usual he works hard we are in are late 50 so it's understandable plus it's a way I can have another dring without him knowing. I no I'm out of control please let me know what to do? I know depression and booze doesn't work but if feels better I don't get hangovers
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