Crying because others are hurt

[Guest_1055]

Hello to any people that read this....

I was wondering if anyone else can relate to what is happening to me.

I have been a member on BB for a couple of months. During this time a have read a lot of other people posts, like what is happening to them, and how they feel. And sometimes my heart hurts after I read their words. Often times I cry about the pain they have felt, because I can't stand the thought of anyone else hurting or in pain in any way.

They are all strangers to me, yet they are not at the same time. All I want to do is give them hugs. True some of the feelings they have are no stranger to me, because I have felt them. But the person is..... And I do feel a little connection to some people.

But mostly this is all I can do, just cry,give hugs and tell little stories. And sometimes I feel useless, because I cannot offer advice or something. I even feel a bit dumb, because everyone else seems to give advice, but I am unable, because I don't know what advice to give. And I wouldn't want to give the wrong advice anyway. I don't seem to operate much from the head, just emotions and feelings.

I do care very much about every single person that I read about. 

Can anyone relate at all? And now all I want to do his give each of you a hug to thankyou for giving your time to me in reading my words.

So here is my hug and with all my heart I say thank you.

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

Hello Letsgethappy

It has been a few days now since you wrote this reply to me, and also a few days ago that I read it. But I just wanted you to know, that I feel thankful for you. Because on the day I read your words.....well I really needed a hug, just someone to hold me.  I hope you are OK today.

With much appreciation to you, and a hug back

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey romantic

Yes your reply helped me some, just the fact that you too, want to wrap your arms around that person, you get teary and that you hurt for some of them. That is the same as me, so I don't feel alone now, knowing that you too, respond similar to me. Also the feeling of feeling helpless because you do want to be able to help them.

I didn't have any self care plan in place, well not formally. I try to exercise, eat healthy and at the moment just spending a little less time here on BB.

Anyway thank you for well....being you

Shelley xxx

[Neil_1]

Dear Shelley anne (and others)

As you can see, I’ve kinda hung around here for a while and have posted to a fair number of people during that time.  I find through a long time of personal suffering, I’m able to produce posts of words that have some support linked with them, possibly or hopefully something positive and just try to be helpful.  It’s in a similar kind of style as what Tony wrote earlier – that the more regular posters on here, are able to do so as they’ve lived a fair bit while suffering and so from that we’re able to draw on our own experiences to post out to others.

But Shelley anne, I would like you to know (as everyone else has in this thread) that you’ve fitted into this community just wonderfully.  You wrote something along the lines of wishing that you could form words or advice like others – but you know what – the posts and replies that you deliver are awesome.

It’s already been written many times in this thread also, that when people receive responses from you, we can tell that it’s straight from your heart;  you can literally feel “you” wanting so much to reach out and to hug us and to tell us that it’s going to be alright.

You see, we’ve all got our own styles of writing and our own reasons (no doubt) for being on B.Blue as well, and for that, everyone who comes here and posts, is doing an awesome thing.  Shelley anne, don’t stop doing what you’re doing … please don’t try to overthink this and definitely do not worry about this – you’re a remarkable person and you’re doing a remarkable job.

Now here I go again, rambling on as usual – but I did also want to touch on Chris B’s message about how as posters (and readers) that we must also make sure that we don’t get too heavily involved and let other posts (stories) affect us.    All these stories are true and every person has their own awful experiences that they’ve lived and are still living through, but we must make sure that we understand that this is a volunteer role and that we shouldn’t let this get to us.

I usually post during the week and then I have the weekend off – just something I’ve incorporated over the past few months;  whereas before, I was a 7 days a week poster.  It just gives me a couple of days off to get away and recharge.  But I’m sure that everyone out there hopefully has their own methods so as to keep themselves fairly grounded.

Cheers

Neil

[Guest_1055]

Hey Neil

I appreciate your advice, and will try to remember not to over think things. I understand what you are saying in regards to the different styles of writing. For I have noticed that myself, and I guess people express themselves differently......well because we are all different. I guess that is why we need each other. I am now just learning that myself. Anyway thank you again Neil for your guidance.

With much appreciation to you

Shelley xx

[Neil_1]

Dear Shelley anne

I think the overall thing to remember here is that anyone on here who posts is a very valued member of a wonderful community – our Beyond Blue community.  Within that, there is a tremendous amount of strength built up over time and the other thing I find is that it doesn’t take overly long for newbies to pick up, just how warm and inviting AND safe that this site is.

I know it’s a difficult thing at times to not be affected by some of the stories that we read on here and I really wish I had some words to say to you to help so that you don’t take on these within your own issues.  I guess the only thing I’d like to reinforce to you is that you are a truly wonderful person and don’t stop doing what you’re doing – it’s awesome.

Kind regards

Neil

[Embracing_Tiger]

Hi Shelley anne,

 I agree a lot with what has already been said. I like to think that self-care is like the emergency oxygen masks on aeroplanes - you need to fit your mask on first, before you help others. 

It's valuable what you do on these forums. And the format of a forum doesn't allow us to understand someone's full life situation, so generally we can't give advice. But just making a non-judgemental connection with someone that probably feels isolated in their mental ill health is a really great gift to share. 

ET

[Durras]

Hi Neil,

I just read your post from 18th January and I am in the same boat as Shelley.  I feel so much for people with their stories of struggles and have great difficulty putting words together to help them and I want to SO much but finding words, linking them and my vocabulary is very limited. It does sadden me to read many of the posts and know I can't express my support to help others.

After reading your post I do some what feel better.

Shelley you are truly a beautiful person with so much love for everyone and it shines brightly in your words.

I think what I am trying to do now when I read a post and can't express so much is just express a little and I hope that is ok as maybe a little is still better then nothing and the person posting knows their are others out there and they have made a connection which maybe is just what they need because of feeling isolated.

Thank you Neil for that post on 18th Jan

Hugs

Carol (aka Durras)

[Durras]

Shelley

What I want to also add for you not only does your love for others shine brightly it is also warming like the sun to.

Truly your posts are so warming and make me feel better as it did the other day when I was feeling really down and lost and confused. I love your hugs

So huge hug to you

Carol