Constantly sad...

[melmie]

Hi

I haven't been diagnosed with depression or any mental disorder, my parents have never considered seeing a therapist or anyone for mental health, so no one knows I haven't been feeling too good mentally. I'm not sure what's wrong, but during the day at school, I'm completely fine and happy, though when I arrive home I never feel happy. It seems like I feel sad when alone, but I can't be surrounded by people for too long or I'll feel sad and out of control. I've felt like this for a while, but I have no one to talk to because it is either awkward or I don't want to feel like a burden. Someone help me please, I've been crying myself to sleep nearly every night. Seeing a therapist or talking to someone about this in real life isn't an option. I don't want people to think I'm trying to seem 'cool' because at my age, many people tend to say they have depression or whatever to seem cool, and I might be over-thinking it, but I really need advice

Thanks

[Croix]

Dear Melmie~

I'd like to welcome you here to the forum and try to give you a little insight into what's happening. I can do that because I've experienced bouts of depression and other things for quite a while and your feelings sound familiar.

First off you are right, there are some posers who say they have depression, or a psychiatrist because it seems like the cool thing to do. They are not the sort of people that post here. The sort of people that do post here are the ones that have real problems in their lives and want to find out more or start to get help.

Feeling sad so often and crying oneself to sleep is no sort of life. It is a sign that you really need to do something before it gets worse. I made the mistake of thinking I could just keep going and hoped things would sort themselves out. It never did and when I finally started getting treatment it was a lot harder to get me better.

I would not like you to make my mistake. You need outside help now. I know you don't like the idea but you do need to get in contact with a medical professional. They are all bound by confidentiality rules, and there is no need for friends to know. With medical help things can get better quickly, and your life become enjoyable again with you in control and sadness for no reason gone.

I guess you might think about how to do this. The first way might be to explain things to one of your parents and get them to take you to the GP. Most parents want the best for their child and will not hesitate to get them help if needed.

If that is out then you can contact people yourself. A school councilor or teacher you like may be able to talk to your parents on your behalf.

There is also the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) or Headspace (www.headspace.org.au to look up the center in you area) which you can talk with on the phone or by on-line chat. Both are very experienced, and used to these sorts of problems.

Having someone on your side to help makes a big difference, insoluble problems become solvable.

Do you think there is a particular thing that has started this, losing a friend, not getting on with parents, a problem at school or something else?

I'd realy like it if you came back and talked some more

Croix

[jc2000]

Hi Melmie,

I'm quite curious, around how old are you?

I was around 14 when I started to feel the way that you described (especially the crying myself to sleep every night part). I told myself that it wasn't anything major, I told myself I was just being attention seeking, and that others had it worse so I shouldn't kick up a fuss. I was terrified to tell anyone for 3 years, so no one knew and I was suffering silently alone in my room, and I'd get so upset because it felt like I was screaming out for help but I wasn't. Keeping it all in, and bottling up your feelings isn't good for you, and in my case (and many others) it made things worse.

I finally came forward to talk to my school councillor about a month and a half ago, she told my brother because I didn't want my parents to know, and I went to a GP who sent me to a psych. My mum still doesn't know and I only told my dad on Thursday everything that's happening. I have a very close group of friends who I didn't want to tell because they have unfortunate histories with mental health issues and I didn't want to be a burden on them. I'm not trying to tell you everything that I did because I want everyone to know, I'm telling you because I want you to know that there are people who understand what it's like to be terrified to come forward to someone to ask for help.

Just going to my dad to tell him what's been happening for three years was terrifying, I was shaking and crying all over the place, but I'm glad I told someone face to face, because it helps so much. I know the idea of seeing a psych or a doctor or telling your parents is petrifying, but it'll be in your best interests to help get you feeling better as soon as possible. It's hard to take the first step to ask for help, I've been told this many times since I came forward to talk about myself, and it's true. But once you've told someone, it all becomes so much easier.

Also remember that just because someone else has something worse, it doesn't mean that you should ignore what you're feeling.

I know this is really long, but a lot of it is stuff I wish someone would've told me when I first started to notice I was constantly upset, and I hope it helps you.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Julia

[melmie]

Hello Julia,

Thank you for the advice, this is quite helpful. I will try to talk about my feelings more to the people I love, maybe that will help me feel better.

Two of my close friends also have a history with bad mental health, and so maybe talking to them will help as well, though I don't want to make them remember what they felt before (does that make any sense?)

Thank you again for helping me.

[melmie]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for taking the time to help,

I will definitely listen to your advice, and I will talk to a school councillor, friends, or possibly family. I understand now that I need help, and I will try to get it.

I believe the way I'm feeling may be due to family issues, but I will try talking to my mother about it.

Thank you very much.

[jc2000]

Hi Melmie,

I'm glad you thought that what I said helped, and that you're going to take it on board.

I understand what you mean with not wanting to bring up old memories for your friends, but I'm sure that they'll want to help you regardless, and they'll want to know what's going on with you regardless. They will want to make sure you're okay.

You said that the reason behind you feeling this way could because of family issues? do you want to talk more about it? I'm all ears and I can try to help. The main reason behind how I feel is because of my family so maybe I could help.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Julia

[melmie]

Dear Julia,

I'm terribly sorry I didn't reply sooner!

I am glad to say that I am feeling much better! I tried doing small things daily that make me happy, I've hung out and interacted with friends more and I stopped skipping meals. Thank you for the help!

Sincerely,

Melmie

[geoff]

hello Melmie, it's so difficult not being able to talk to someone able how you are feeling, and yes it maybe OK while you're at school but as soon as you get home then the dark clouds hover over you, that's certainly a sign that something wrong is happening to you and it can't be left to hope it goes away, because it isn't until you can get the help you need.
If you are scared talking to your mum then perhaps approach a favourable aunt or uncle and raise the situation, then they can inform your mum that you have har/him to take you to the doctors.
This may anger them, but they will get over it and maybe even decide to take you themselves, and once your doctor diagnoses you then they can tell your parents exactly what' s been happening.
It's much better coming from a professional, it has more strength, if however they still dismiss it then stick with your auntie/uncle, but please don't procrastinate, the longer you do the worse it will get, and that's not what we want. Geoff.

[jc2000]

Hi Melmie,

I'm so so so glad to hear that. Keep doing what makes you happy.

I'd love it if you keep me updated on how you're going,

Julia

[melmie]

Hello!

Thank you. I'm trying.

Some days I feel low like I described previously, and it feels like i'll never feel happy again, but I have had many more good days where I can sleep properly, eat properly and I feel like I use to, happy!

I'll try keeping you updated but I'm not so sure I will be able to do so often

Thank you