Completely f*cked!!!

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

It's a complicated scenario but I've been wrongly diagnosed with schizophrenia and I've been stuck under psychiatry for the last twelve years. I have to have consultations every six months that I don't want to have. I have to constantly get scripts and go every month to the chemist and buy un wanted medication. I have to have medical certificates and possibly occupational assessments just to legally drive a vehicle too because of it, when I'm sane anyway. After over coming weight gain, I then have had lasting un wanted belly stretch marks. To make it worse I then was diagnosed with pre diabetes and three years after that I was made to have a cholecystectomy. I'm constantly fighting with any therapist and doctor because their telling me that I'm indenyl and that I lack insight and that their experts and I know their wrong. It's abusive when I know I am the injustice and the victim. 

I also have so many experiences where I know it's a combination of North American's or doctors/ therapist's and their laughing about my malpractice scenario and misdiagnosis that they are trying to make me feel different, less intelligent or wither I'm more on the autistic spectrum. It's furthermore abuse. I even had one GP write caution on my patient paper when given to another GP.

All my life before and even still now I've disliked my father. But I've always obviously been financially dependent on him. He tells me wither I'm disabled, soft, inept, weak, pale, wither I should be driving, wither I want to work or wither I can cook anything without burning the house down.

I not only had been socially, verbally and physically bullied and degraded all during high school and hated everyone in my school. I made the mistake of knowing two of them until I was 23, when I was more wanting friends because I was in a younger personality back then. Since high school it's been 11 years and I've only had 9 month's of volunteer because I've had no direction for which jobs I would want to do. There's no certificates I want to do and I can't achieve anything from University. I won't work a apprenticeship or a traineeship or anything with construction. I was told by one of their mothers at 19 that I was a loser. I don't want to work entry sales, hospitality, factory or even retail most likely. There's no route to direct my life in now.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There are usually two main ways we end up with characteristics that become issues- one is we inherited them or we learned them at a young age. Either way, our first step in dealing with them is acknowledging them which you have done here with your post. Being aware of them isnt always the case and denial is something we deal with here a lot, as mental illness isnt something people like to face. So well done in your first step.

Friends- Non caring or poor quality friends can be due to

• Not meeting the right person for you to forge a caring relationship with. This could be due to looking in the wrong areas or ppor choices
• Having high expectations too early into the friendship
• Your friends you have dont have the capacity to "give" back.

Illnesses- There is barely one individual on the planet that doesnt have an imperfection, illness etc. I'll use myself as an example if you dont mind. Deep vain thrombosis both legs, bipolar, autism, dysthymia, anxiety and depression, gout, stomach ulcers, arthritis, blood pressure and a few more. What makes me positive? To things- firstly I learned positivity when I was 27yo and it changed my outlook in life and second when my knees are sore I remember a young girl I saw once in a wheelchair. Such reflections cause me to value what abilities I have, not what I havent.

It's similar to "freedom". We all dont think about our freedom until we might commit a crime and serve time in jail. So in effect we take our freedom for granted. 

The way we l;ook at things can be changed. An ideal example for you could be that when you stare at your stretch marks from weight loss, to think "those marks are a reminder of how well I lost weight, of what used to be and I'm so proud of myself for losing it." This sort of mentality is a choice you have although the actual challenge is a tough one the transformation is worth every effort.

To achieve change on how we view things from negative to positive we must make actions a priority. Attending motivation lectures is one way, observing negative comments from others is another and collecting positive quotes is a good one.

I have a post below. It typifies positivity and was part of a motivation lecture when I was 26yo. I hope it helps and repost anytime

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525

TonyWK

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I couldn't even imagine to have all the health issues that you endure. I admire how strong you are and if all that's true I'm feeling guilty with how I am with myself in some sense. I'm just angry not only becoming pre diabetic from the meds, but I know I am not indenyl and that I am wrongly diagnosed with schizophrenia. The frustrating thing is I can't be angry or have my entitled valid feeling's for being a injustice beneath psychiatry. Instead their very likely to abuse my sanity and wither my symptoms are apparently going towards a relapse. They can admit me into a psych ward against my wishes and they damper my image to the rest of the world. I also hate that I'm 29 and I have no work history, since I don't want to work entry sales, factory, hospitality or even retail and dealing with customers. We have a national recession too and for years my job recruiters virtually offer nothing. Since I was diagnosed with pre diabetes I wanted to be a Dietician but I can't actively even do a degree or let alone a masters. I don't want any pharmaceuticals, I don't want any consultations with any psychiatrist's or psychologists, their just likely to theroise and exaggerate that I'm autistic and asperges and I don't agree or want to be in forced compliance with them. Psychiatrist's want their patients in blind compliance so they can earn their abundant salaries, their a charade agenda of being a good samaritan, they can briefly admit to possible side effects while hypocritically not caring and taking accountability for when your the victim under treatment. They won't give any apologies or compensation and will just look through you with voiceless and holding back the truth and reality of what it is. I have spirituality that I can differentiate as not psychosis or schizophrenia. I can have them internally acknowledge that I'm the victim or their otherwise making me feel different or going against my intelligence, they try to say wither I'm special and they otherwise even laugh about my circumstance or say that were all the same in a way of not addressing that they uniquely think I'm challenged. I am not challenged for lacking direction and I don't have anything mental if I'm only wrongly diagnosed. I've also been bullied for eleven years by high school relationships and I've got a selfish horrible father. I'm tired of knowing wither others are digesting me and talking about me, my conscious is aware of it and it's not psychosis. Otherwise I get sick of society trying to make me feel I need their approval or wither I'm decent, now too anyone's controversial if their with unpopular opinions or if their not told what to think.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi Atomic,
A wise man once said to me that "Pushing on the door marked 'Pull' usually won't get you very far" - not that wise really, I was wondering why the door was locked!

I don't think you are in denial either, but the terms before you are clearly laid out by your specialists:

'to move past "GO" you must first pick up the card'.

You seem to want what you want but may need to lower your guard a little in order to achieve it. Perhaps you have become too defensive in order to protect yourself - your consultants and your father, despite what you believe, are all working with you to find a passage out for you.

If anything, you may be suffering more from 'Newton's Third Law' about equal and opposite forces...

Trust is a valuable commodity and hard to replace once broken. See what happens if you don't push back for a change. 

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I can't have confidence. Knowing that society doesn't guarantee kindness, Not everyone will understand you. People don't have humility or take accountability much these day's. They have adopted the innocent until proven guilty mentality.

I'm unfortunately socially inept, avoidant, I guess awkward. I'm too genuine and I don't think the way society might think about whatever's insecure or weird. I don't like small talk and having to be positive and socially making it obvious about having good vibes. I understand why it's that way now, but it feels more cringe and fake and forcefully expected. Everything's potentially socially controversial depending.

I feel if I actively care less I won't be understood or just potentially bullied. I feel like the real world is high school. Since I had to endure a deacde of bullying and only remember them.

I believe it's too easy to get bullied or made to feel like a idiot about anything. I feel if you have too much originality your more likely to need more esteem and face judgment.

If you have faced discrimination or dealt with anyone trying to have a defining opinion that your special or less intelligent or if you have been generalised. I hate not being able to actively change their mind or the feeling that I have to prove myself to anyone. When I only want to prove things more for just myself.

I don't like attention wither positive or negative. I like the way I look, but I can't feel confident when there's those types of men that would say if I'm average, desperate, insecure, weird. Any situation if a man would be stand offish or assertive or hostile, Just hate dealing with it.

I know no one can make you confident or make you love yourself or believe in yourself, that only you can do that. But to me your limited based on your personality, with your sensitivity, sociability and mental strength.

I sadly have realise just now even though family and friends help, it doesn't save everyone and give personal happiness to the individual with wither they love their work, handle society and have enough money.

I'm aware you have to carry yourself with optimism, love and confidence because you only have yourself. Since every individual has their own battle that few people have been told about.

[white knight]

Hi,

AWB, you are quite intelligent and I'm serious. You have some insight, not everyone does, into many things. Your 3rd last sentence in your last reply struck me as you know the theory of society and how we are restricted within our own capabilities.

But alas, as we here are not professional medical staff we dont know if your diagnosis is correct or not but on average it is feasible it is incorrect as its feasible its correct. Diagnosis and mental health aside it is clear to me that your social abilities including work, dealing with people and a whole raft of challenges has made you very cautious leading to very low tolerance of many things. I'll just list some now that you've mentioned-

• Any attention- surprisingly even positive attention
• Men with opinions or any hint of being combative
• Inability to change others thoughts
• Small talk even though it's necessary in basic communication
• Dont want to work in fields - "entry sales, factory, hospitality or even retail, construction or any apprenticeships"... even though you havent worked at all other than voluntary
• Refuse to use public transport even though a high percentage of people of all ages use it daily
• Dont like being told medical staff are "experts" when you have a wrong diagnosis.
• Society is vain, superficial and the underdog is at a great disadvantage

I could go on but I'm worried you have positioned yourself into your own corner introducing limitations or boundaries into your life making employment impossible. You mention getting work is harder now because of an approaching recession yet unemployment has been the lowest in many years so there must be work out there.

There is no doubt you are frustrated and that frustration with the world is a snowball, gets bigger and bigger until? you are unemployable, perhaps live like a hermit to avoid others and socially outcasted. Some here including myself have gone through the outcast/bullied when young/narrow negative thinking experiences but we have one way or another climbed our way back somewhere to where we "fit in" a little. You've acknowledged that only you can change it. So we know what you feel, know how hard it is and know that you alone must turn it around to achieve being a member of society without gambling your dignity away. The alternative is remain as you are and that is a dull existence.

So in a nutshell- acknowledge you are negative and need to reverse that to focussing on positive thoughts to make the world appear less bleak, be more flexible with job seeking to include factory work and other work that might be working on a machine which will leave you with less interaction with work colleagues, develop goals to generate enthusiasm, accept that being as you are and the effects of lots of bullying at school, that it isnt your fault, change your ideas on things like small talk and pleasant remarks because thats general friendliness. If someone you know has a car given to them then thats rare, try not to compare your life with theirs, they are lucky, some are some aren't.

The average person is a good person. Even those bullies 15 years ago at school likely dont bully now and even some would have regrets. Teenage years are cruel years. Throw those memories into the river.

I hope I've helped.

TonyWK

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I'm upset with the fact. For me other people or society is usually responsible for my problems. Otherwise they actively enjoy them. They likely diminish my esteem in many ways. No one wants you better than them. They only want you to be just in mediocrity or your otherwise judged as a loser. People are likely socially superficial, their vain and narcissism is too prevalent despite studies trying to suggest that it's 1% of society or whatever. When people attain success they lack humility and their typically egotistical or their bias with their beliefs. Society can be hypocritical too and no one can ever take accountability, their always innocent until their proven guilty. 

I have some gum recession to fix and I'm stressed and worried because I'm 29 with no degree, eligibility or ability. I am not the self motivated academic type. I have no payed work history. I can't advance my life without suitable direction. I can't live on 8 hours payed work and claim DSP. I need full time like anyone. I don't want sales, factory, hospitality, retail or a apprenticeship, traineeship or construction. I can't achieve University to be a Dietician with a bachelor or masters and I only got interested in that since I was diagnosed with pre diabetes. We have a national recession and economy too, if that's a issue and for how long. I have no net work and nothing on my resume than 9 months of Salvo's volunteer and Year 12 foundation VCAL.

. I feel people generally today want to approve people with if their likeable or controversial and I hate having to feel restricted just because I disagree with anyone on anything or have a unpopular view if I told anyone.

I now sadly have pre diabetes's, a cholecystectomy, faded stretch marks and I'm on involuntary pharmaceutical meds. My doctors are so adamant that they think I'm suffering from Schizophrenia. They are likely to exaggerate their believed symptoms, wither I agree with having them or not and they manipulate my anger as being aggravated unless I speak calmly about being upset about my health issues from the meds. Or about having the diagnosis and how I had to go to hospital in 2021 because my GP and the Catt Team argued they felt concerned about me, despite saying I was fine. I'm a sane regular person whose indefinitely medicated for a reality illness.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I can hear how frustrated and overwhelmed you're feeling right now. It sounds like you're carrying a heavy burden of health concerns and uncertainty about your future, all while grappling with societal pressures and expectations. It's completely understandable to feel lost and disheartened in the face of such challenges.

It's okay to feel angry and upset about the circumstances you're facing. Your emotions are valid, and it's important to prioritize your well-being during this time. I an not sure what sort of support is available to you but if/whether it's from loved ones, healthcare professionals, or support groups can help as you navigate these challenges.

In your post, it sounds like you want(ed) to find work. I am curious to find out what sort of things interest you. My children did not go through Uni... and one of them is a swimming coach. I am not saying you should forget Uni, but there are many pathways, and each valid.

Listening ...

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I am typically interested in general things like guitars, video games, watching sports. Otherwise I like privately reading the Bible and watching YouTube Theology videos or reading books on rare occasions. I have a partial interest in wanting to write rap music lyrics, but none of this is profitable and something I would actively want to do more than just recreationally as a hobbie. I wanted to be a Musician but I've had too many tragic realities to have the acquired confidence.

I just became interested in Nutrition around the age of 26, 4 years after I was diagnosed with diabetes. I don't have a year 12 VCE, I graduated with a foundation VCAL. I only got the Year 11 VCE and I genuinely think they just passed me since I was going through difficult times and missed school because of my unique challenges in those times. I should've failed basically and truthfully. I can't actively do VCE at TAFE, since I haven't developed with my math's. I've always been terrible with math's and it became multiple pages of home work and it was too overloading. It then became a new exercise every week and we even had to learn algebra which is nonsense for most people in their careers. I was already falling behind since early year 7. With English it became more difficult during year 10 and when I was doing the year 11 VCE I was struggling to even get 300 words, regardless of meeting the word count that they wanted of me. I was over repeating myself just to exceed my words and I didn't know which order or structure the essay's were. They have the academic formal way of writing and it was too much to remember for me. I don't have the entirety of grammar skills. I just know when to use capital letters, full stops and , I do though know how to spell and I am not dyslexic. I just always Google the definition to words I'm curious about. I would struggle to even get a diploma, let alone a bachelor and they want masters more then before with registered dieticians. I just don't have the personality to sit their and do home work for hours a day, for multiple years too. 

I also reflect and write my concerns or differences or beliefs I have with society. I can't tell wither I generalise, certain things I can't admit to thinking if their controversial. I am also very socially inept and avoidant. I got bullied all during high school, until my early twenties and after I've been going through my psychiatry injustice for the last twelve years and with the rest of it. For myself I was responsible for my diagnosis and prior hospital admissions but I'm treated as indenyl now and they tell themselves and the rest of society that their experts. If I get upset they see me as aggravated. If I have spiritual beliefs I'm told to be psychotic just because their not people of faith or open minds. It's very vulnerable for me if they would enforce me to go to psych wards, I earnt a probationary licence three years ago and I've had no issues with driving, since I drive local and haven't got a reason to improve going beyond that, mostly since I'm un employed without direction. The only bitter sweet scenario was having my Centrelink so I could actively pay for and develop my driving, buy a vehicle and a licence and generally enjoy my life, since I had no other means to have any financials. I never otherwise would be able to young and buy stuff when I'm young, but as I'm getting older now it's more so about being frugal and thinking about the inevitability of survival.

It's worse since my father cateogrises me as disabled and who I want nothing to do with or know his own siblings. I have no close relationship with him.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

1) After leaving high school I was infatuated with a girl that I could never have, and that was the main reason, but I never had money, driving independence at the time and still no work direction back then. I had to keep in touch with two toxic high school acquaintances. I ended up being destructive and wanted to die and it lead me to being wrongly diagnosed with Schizophrenia eventually. I am now on life treatment for not having the mental problem. The meds have ruined my life with overcoming weight gain, having lasting stretch marks. I had to have a cholecystectomy and even was diagnosed with pre diabetes. I never had any voices or anything but I can now differentiate that I am even more a victim with spirituality, wither I'm told that I'm different in a negative way, weren't intelligent, unique, special. I get them talking about my DSP, I can even know that others are laughing about my problems, I get bullied wither I'm told I'm weird, desperate. I get told people feel sorry for me.

2) I only got my driving very late at 26 and only because I was fortunate to have Centrelink to pay for my lessons, licence and a vehicle. Unfortunately I had to change through many instructors and have three occupational therapist's before I could find the ideal ones I liked working with. I had my first O.T. ignore me for about one year, wither it was text messages, phone calls or my emails. She came back only to discriminate and tell us with defeating views that I would never get my licence, that I shouldn't continue and that I can't drive. I had conflicts with my second last driver instructor who wanted me to be 300% on the roads, despite the reality of other drivers being average, potentially dangerous, knowing or abiding by the rules. He would only approve his own driving style and if I believed in my abilities he would feel that I'm difficult to deal with. He was accusing me of telling him how to drive, Just because I said why do I need to look in my rear window mirror when I'm giving way at a roundabout and it's not a lane change. He was telling me wither I checked to give way just because I did quickly and he didn't see me look in the direction for as long as he wanted. He said I broke his mirror just because I was gently adjusting it and he drove for the rest of half the day and until 2 pm the next day only to randomly blame me that I was allegedly being forceful with it, when I wasn't. He just did so because he wanted revenge since we had the argument and conflict.

[smallwolf]

firstly, apologies for the delay in relying. Reading through what you said just now, and will reply shortly.