Completely f*cked!!!

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

It's a complicated scenario but I've been wrongly diagnosed with schizophrenia and I've been stuck under psychiatry for the last twelve years. I have to have consultations every six months that I don't want to have. I have to constantly get scripts and go every month to the chemist and buy un wanted medication. I have to have medical certificates and possibly occupational assessments just to legally drive a vehicle too because of it, when I'm sane anyway. After over coming weight gain, I then have had lasting un wanted belly stretch marks. To make it worse I then was diagnosed with pre diabetes and three years after that I was made to have a cholecystectomy. I'm constantly fighting with any therapist and doctor because their telling me that I'm indenyl and that I lack insight and that their experts and I know their wrong. It's abusive when I know I am the injustice and the victim. 

I also have so many experiences where I know it's a combination of North American's or doctors/ therapist's and their laughing about my malpractice scenario and misdiagnosis that they are trying to make me feel different, less intelligent or wither I'm more on the autistic spectrum. It's furthermore abuse. I even had one GP write caution on my patient paper when given to another GP.

All my life before and even still now I've disliked my father. But I've always obviously been financially dependent on him. He tells me wither I'm disabled, soft, inept, weak, pale, wither I should be driving, wither I want to work or wither I can cook anything without burning the house down.

I not only had been socially, verbally and physically bullied and degraded all during high school and hated everyone in my school. I made the mistake of knowing two of them until I was 23, when I was more wanting friends because I was in a younger personality back then. Since high school it's been 11 years and I've only had 9 month's of volunteer because I've had no direction for which jobs I would want to do. There's no certificates I want to do and I can't achieve anything from University. I won't work a apprenticeship or a traineeship or anything with construction. I was told by one of their mothers at 19 that I was a loser. I don't want to work entry sales, hospitality, factory or even retail most likely. There's no route to direct my life in now.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I just can't have confidence. I'm interested in Nutrition and University but I'm just unlikely to ever be academic. I was struggling to barely pass year 11 VCE English and I was horrendous with mathematics. I would even struggle to get a diploma. I couldn't attain a masters or a generic bachelor degree. I also know I will never work a apprenticeship or do a traineeship or anything with construction. I'm just not those types of blokes. Other than that I've been with numerous job recruiters and despite having 9 months of volunteer work history. I'm now facing a national recession and I get told about no job opportunities or offers. I get told maybe two jobs or that there's typically nothing new and I see them every fortnight. I'm otherwise told to try a certificate and there's nothing I would want to do, the only interesting ones are more preparation before diploma's and University.

Since I never had payed employment or knowing what I wanted. I would only have either had my mother drive me to a job in those years ago, If I even had one, as I refuse to want to catch public transit at all. I have to accept that compared to my cousin being given a car for free and another car for $40,000 that I was only able to get my driving lessons, licence and a vehicle because of Centrelink. I even had my arsewhole father telling me that if my brother needed more than five lessons that I would have to use my DSP to pay for his needs. My brother only scrapped $1,000 to buy one of the cheapest vehicles. Meanwhile my brother and myself was wanting to have our driving like normal people, but my father was just talking down the reality that employers mandate people to have their driving to be viable, flexible and employable. He was even talking down that University is less likely to have employment security.

I was bullied for decade, I had one of their mothers calling me a loser too.

Other than that I'm frustrated with being wrongly medicated and incorrectly diagnosed with schizophrenia. I shouldn't have any diagnosis wither psychosis, bipolar, depression, autism, asperges or anything at all. They otherwise treat me as indenyl and that I lack insight when I know their mistaken and I am not wrong myself. They egotistically tell me that their experts when their not, because I am a stranger and they don't know anything about me, they don't live with my brain and the whole experience is bullshit. Beyond that I was diagnosed with pre diabetes seven years ago and it's just so upsetting. 

[tranzcrybe]

Hey there Atomic,

Heard you around the forums where the pattern to your concerns seems to be one of resistance to your condition and those charged with diagnosing it.
Of course you aren't going to feel in control of your own life with others dictating terms and that just isn't fair. It would bring back all that bullying that makes you retaliate.

You are like the horse drawing the wagon - the more you rise up, the tighter the reins get pulled; so one solution might be cooperating just to see if life gets easier.
Then people might relax their grip enough for you to reclaim your life, little by little.

Good on you for believing in yourself when those around you do not.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

It would've been easier if I just was finished with the high school drama in 2013, but since I was 18/19 I was younger and I felt this need to have friendship's back in those days, So I re kindled with two of them, despite my brother saying I was wrong for doing so. During those following 5 years it was only un wanted experiences where I was given many negative opinions, labels, nick names and was undermined for any beliefs I had or told what I am or believe. They both laughed at me when they knew I was diagnosed with pre diabetes which is a serious condition, especially when their supposed to be friends too. We agreed to end those friendships but they just ended up thinking their better people and they were judging our lives. 

Other than that I remind myself everyday that I only got my driving because of Centrelink, I needed to have more lessons than usual because I was having to go through a few driver instructors before I founded who I liked and I had to pay for the O.T. assessments because of the diagnosis drama that I don't agree with. Since I haven't had the right direction for my life, it wouldn't make a difference wither I got my licence 5 years earlier, but I do hate feeling that I got my driving at only 26, I wish I could've said I was at least 24 or 22 when I achieved it. Now I'm 29 and it's insane how quick times going. 

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I'm not angry at any of the therapists for believing I have the condition, based on my mistakes that's their logical conclusion. I just merely understand myself and know what I was going through and why I did all those mistakes. Their looking at me from a outside perspective and they can't comprehend my personality or live the same life as anyone else. I just hate being told their experts when I know I'm right for not agreeing to the diagnosis.

[tranzcrybe]

'Any port in a storm...' as they say, and even bad friends can seem appealing at first to feel connected. It's not wrong to want friends, Atomic, but when selection is limited so are our options.

You seem to have a good grasp on the situation - seeing what led you into all this mess, doctors and therapists with their casebook studies and definitions. Wouldn't it be great for them to walk a mile in your shoes?
In some respects, they actually need you to guide them.

You are competent and intelligent (- got a driver's licence to prove it!) and despite all you have gone through, you can still remain philosophical and empathetic to those lacking in such awareness.

At whatever age, we are on the doorstep of tomorrow.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I couldn't apply myself to high school academia for numerous reasons. It wasn't just being bullied all during those six years, but it was also not having any specific interest in high school studies, compared to following a passion or how with University you choose what you want to do. I also had a strong video game addiction that started from when I went to high school. Mentally I was a teenager and too young to apply and discpline myself. I tolerated my bullies instead of telling the teachers. I also thought University was more of a social norm, it wasn't until 25 I realistically see how there's nothing better than retail, factory, hospitality, sales and low median wage entry jobs without University. Since I had my diagnosis of pre diabetes I became more interested in nutrition. 

I have just had too many issues, since I've had all my psychiatry disagreement and health/body complications from the pharmaceuticals. Since I realistically wouldn't have any other way to have my driving without Centrelink. 

Random society plays a role in it too, wither I feel I should've been American or British I couldn't know without travelling to experience the way it all is. But generally society in my opinion is vain, superficial, cliché support, selectively favouritistic at times, subjectively shallow. There's a lot of radical differences that I don't like, how a traditional person or anyone religious is seen as the enemy in some sense, It's became a one way bias global thinking and the underdog is not rooted for, Only dominated against.

[tranzcrybe]

Whatever your history, you are clearly not the naive teenager you once were.

Sure, you probably did things the hard way, but that can be the catalyst for a broader awareness - an education by any other name.

Society certainly has its faults but I wouldn't be focusing too closely on this to avoid getting sucked into the vortex of despair.

Build yourself according to your values, allowing others to pursue theirs.

Find joy in what brings you joy, happiness in what makes you happy - loosen your own reins a little to find direction.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

My life's essentially ruined. I've never liked my father all my life. I've never wanted a relationship with him or to be financially dependent on him. I hate his sister too and when I was a early teenager he introduced me to his friend Daniel who I've known and seen on rarer occasions who I don't like either.

Beyond that I went through high school and had to be socially verbally bullied and even physically degraded during those years. I made the mistake of knowing two of them until 23 and it ruined the following 5 years after I graduated from high school. I hated having to be in a high school where I was a low status person that know one knew or otherwise mistreated. I hated having to be stuck in some reality where I didn't like anyone and for half the time I just wanted to get my year 12 and just leave it all behind me.

Since 17 I've been underneath psychiatry and I've been mistaken by therapist's to have schizophrenia. I've became pre diabetic and had a cholecystectomy because of it. I've overcame weight gain a decade ago and I've got belly stretch marks now. I'm stuck on involuntary medication against my wishes. In 2021 I was bullied into hospital by my GP and the Catt Team even when I was telling them I'm fine and didn't want to go. They expressed concerns because my mum was telling them what she was feeling at the time and I couldn't win from there on. That's why I don't want her coming with me anymore.

I don't like society because their vain, socially brief & superficial, subjectively shallow, they listen to respond and they never understand or care, any payed advice is generic and cliché and a waste of money, otherwise you have to see a pill pushing therapist and be given un wanted diagnosis. I'm tired of feeling beneath the authority of anyone with wither I'm likeable, decent, sane, intelligent. I'm tired of being told I'm wrong for any view because someone has their bias beliefs. I'm not born to be under the approval of anyone. I'm born to be my own individual and live for myself and to love selected family and not regard random strangers who don't know me or care for me in anyway.

I don't want to work any entry industries and I can't achieve University to be a Dietician, No VCE. Since 14 I wanted to be a Musician but I grew to resent my generation with their music and I want to identify with older generations wither politically or for their religious differences too. I've always felt mixed between being Australian with American beliefs and ways.

[Atomic_Wolf_Boy]

I've became frustrated with the idea having to pay for support from people for what's often just cliché advice, otherwise people just reply to respond wither they don't care or understand is obvious too.

I know I'm vain myself and that I wouldn't feel obliged to love or be the parent or help a random stranger in most circumstances. 

The thing that bothers me is I've never had friends who cared about me and I just blame other people for my problems. If it hasn't been high school surviving it all and disliking everyone. Otherwise I have been unfortunately under psychiatry, being told if I'm indenyl I'll never get un diagnosed and given a choice to come off pharmaceuticals. I feel so angry with having the pre diabetes diagnosis since 2017. I just hate it and then having a cholecystectomy three years after makes me feel angry too, plus having some faded stretch marks because I unfortunately had to overcome weight gain initially and even nausea from my old medication.