Cannot vocalise feelings of depression

AC1994 · ‎12-01-2019

I find it increasingly difficult to vocalise my depression; this lack of capacity to vocalise then releases as anger, and often this anger takes the form of yelling at those who only wish to help.

Any advice on how to vocalise depression/anger concerns/issues?
More problems are being caused as a result.

smallwolf · ‎12-01-2019

Hi AC,

Welcome to beyond blue.

I have been seeing a psychologist for some time now. When it came to discussing emotions it was very difficult for me. Part of this was related to my upbringing etc. There were two things that made it easier for me. The first was writing down my thoughts on paper. The second I stumbled upon is Plutchik wheel of emotions which illustrates the relationships between (his) primary emotions and other related emotions. There are variations on this wheel as well that you might like to look at.

Perhaps if you can start to write about it here (?) you might then be able to better articulate what you want to say. Again, when my mind was clouded with all these thoughts, I could not speak about them because one thought would interfere with the other. But if I wrote them down on paper, I could do it somewhat logically.

Last idea... if you like reading, then read stories or books from others who suffer from depression. Find out what words they use, and if these apply to you, can then add your your own list of words. You will find plenty of stories here, plus books in your local library etc. The other benefit with this can be finding what others do/did that help them in their daily lives.

Tim

Peppermintbach · ‎13-01-2019

Hi AC1994,

I think, in a way, maybe I can relate to what you’re saying? I think it’s so exhausting and stifling to feel unable to vocalise/express feelings associated with depression.

Sometimes I feel if feelings of depression are unable to be vocalised, it can come out sideways in other ways like the anger you described. I suppose we can only take so much before those feelings need to come out one way or the other...

Sorry, I don’t have any helpful suggestions, but I wanted to reach out to you because I feel that I could relate (in a way at least). The last thing that I want to do is talk/write/share my feelings when I’m feeling very depressed. I tend to just want to be alone...

I feel for you...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

Happygoluckymiss · ‎13-01-2019

Hi AC1994

Thank you for this topic thread as I am exactly the same.

I love what smallwolf and peppermintbach have said.

I struggle with vocalising my emotions to and it can be very hard especially when you have your loved ones asking you: what’s wrong? How are you feeling? Talk to me about your emotions? I want to understand how you feel? Etc the most frustrating thing about this is that if you could vocalise these emotions and feelings then you would!

I have learned that my loved ones are just want to make sure that I am ok and that’s their way of expressing their concern.

The biggest help for me has been writing down how I feel and getting out on paper to let the feelings out. This works well for me and helps me understand the feeling, accept the feeling and ride the feeling in a safe way as I know that time will make it pass.

I hope this has been helpful !

- happygoluckymiss

white knight · ‎13-01-2019

Hi and welcome

The power of writing is enormous. Even just jotting down ideas, feelings etc.

Once I used to write a short note to my ex girlfriend "I not good today -love you" and off to work I'd go. I'd get a call hours later asking how I was. It felt good.

But the biggest example of the power of writing came in 1994. 15 years earlier I'd worked as a prison guard and had a terrible experience where an inmate passed away. I felt bad for that time. Then one quiet night doing security work I penned a poem, only 4 verses and wham- guilt vanished. It is hard to believe but it did. Since then I've written 300 poems and even put them to good use by sending them to victims of crime so they can cope better with their situation.

So here is one example. By the way, you don't have to meet any expectations to anyone, its how you feel and you can share them to loved ones. If in poetry form we have a poets corner here on this forum. use search.

LEGS OF SPOKE

How can I let them know?
When the dark exceeds the glow
When the sun hides behind the clouds
Silence they hear...but I scream so loud.

Some stand beside a 6 foot hole
Shake their heads and see its toll
They ask how he could have dropped
Out of the circle -a forget me knot

Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope
When they sight a person with legs of spoke
A crippled girl pushing her chair
A man be manic- there's no one there.

"Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad
Like the cyber crow who remains so glad
Keeps flying and in full flight
Achieves his art...in the middle of the night

For some in power see it their way
Even at the side of a 6 foot grave
Shake their head and call out "why"
"Why on earth- he didnt have to die".

So kind some be they reach out so true
Smile away "we want to meet you"
Bring along your vintage car and your smile"
But leave - what's behind your dial.

So we laugh and dine and all's ok
Leave at home come what may
If I be saddled with legs of spoke
They'd lift me around- bloody good bloke.

But as my mind hurts so bad
Cannot hide my feelings- mad?
Can no longer be bloody good bloke
Sometimes I wish.....
I had legs of spoke...…

TonyWK

Happygoluckymiss · ‎13-01-2019

Thank you Tony!

What a beautiful poem, thank you for sharing this with me.

I might give this a go and see what words come out when I do this - thank you.

I am always so humbled by my BB family with their ability to share the most deepest and sometimes darkest thoughts. It’s sobering, humbling and helpful to know that there are others who fighting battles and that we are not alone.

I love that I can write down anything I feel and get it out without judgement or critical words. This has been wonderful therapy for me.

You are an inspiration- thank you 🙏🏼

Happygoluckymiss · ‎18-01-2019

Hi all

I thought I’d share a recent experience and hope it can help.

As mentioned in earlier posts I have found it difficult to express emotions and talk about my situation one on one.

Mover the last week I have been writing my feelings down, talking on the forums and consulted with my gp. In my consultation with him he urged me, to continue what I was doing and then speak with a psychologist.

I pondered this and continued to process this and finally booked a phone consultation with a qualified psychologist. I had this appointment yesterday and it was extremely beneficial.

I had finally put the pieces in my head - after writing and thinking and a few nights of good sleep.

I feel a tremendous amount of calm and better about my situation. This was my timeline and you will know yours and when you’re ready.

I justed wanted to share this as it does help and I have an appointment in two weeks again.

I found the phone appointment a good step to addressing the issue of speaking with someone. In all my reading about getting help - it’s the small things that help with healing.

I wish everyone good thoughts and day

- happygoluckymiss

memorytrap · ‎18-01-2019

Hope you are doing better, AC. I think a lot of it depends on what the main cause of your depression is. If it's about a situation or event that triggered an episode, it might help to just open up to someone about it. If it's about self-image and negative thinking, that is something difficult to articulate and needs to unfold over time. In any event, seeing a doctor or someone in healthcare might help that process, if you find a good one they often have the skills to draw that out of you through conversation.