Am I depressed or just sad?

[SilverFox49]

I graduated 2 years ago and Im in uni. Last year I took a gap year because I was crying every night and I found it really hard to commit to the study load however I didn't really think much about it because uni is hard! In the past year, I have spent my time with my boyfriend of 2 years, however I cry a lot. This might be TMI and remove if it is, but after we sleep together I normally end up crying, and whenever we're on a phone call it usually ends with me crying (he isn't abusive). Another instance is with my family. I am the youngest and I have ALWAYS been spoken to as a child and ignored despite being an adult. Whenever I try to talk to my mum about something serious e.g. being sad or having problems she just shrugs it off and leaves which in turn makes me feel neglected and unloved. This, again, leaves me crying because I feel a sense of uselessness and like I'm not good enough. I often turn to alcohol to make me forget about it which isn't a good coping mechanism but it works. I also often cancel plans on people because I don't feel up to going out because I feel like if I do I will ruin the mood and be upset the whole time.

So my question, am I depressed or just sad? I don't know if it is normal to cry this much, and I'm not sure if it's just who I am as a person? My mum has depression and has been for the past 5 years and relies on her medication. I'm scared of seeing someone, being diagnosed and then relying on something to make me happy 😕

[smallwolf]

Hi Silverfox,

Welcome to beyond blue.

Most of us here are just users, so cannot really give an answer like "Yes" or "No" to a question like that you posed. But many of will also be able to identify with the feelings you had/have - at least I can.It's a pity that you are not able to talk to your family about how you feel, or to get advice. Are you able to talk to your BF about this? Or friends?

So what can you do?

The first thing might be to look at K10 test. It will give you a recommendation as to what action to take. For example, it might tell you to speak with an GP. The fact there is also a history of depression in your family also increases your predisposition to depression as well. Not a guarantee. When I chatted with my GP, they also asked if my parents suffered.

As far as medication is concerned, you might not have to use medication. For a period of about 6 months when I was with my psychologist I was not taking any medication. But then things turned for the worse, and now I take medication. But that does not bother me too much, and definitely better than the physical symptoms I was feeling due to anxiety. And you might not have to rely on them for the rest of your life either.

Getting professional help is not that bad either. You will get tools to help you manage with situations that stress you or create negative thoughts. Yes, it can be a long, slow and painful process, but over the long run is beneficial. And with a diagnosis, at least you have some sort of label to attach to how you feel? And besides, who you tell or don't tell is up to you. Conversely, there might be people you know with a problem also. I would chat to people about that what I was going through (still do) and in some cases I would their stories in dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. You are not alone, especially here.

Lastly, look up the threads on the forum on grounding and mindfulness. You might get some ideas to help you deal with the issues you face. But also remember it is OK to get professional help.

That you have recognized that something is not quite right, and have come here to talk about it is a big step. I am hopeful you will make it through this rough period. And I nearly forgot that you could/should also talk to people in student services as well for help?

Peace,

Tim

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi SilverFox49,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for joining us. I'm sorry that you're struggling so much with this, and I'm going to try and answer your question.

The diagnosis of depression comes down to a little more than just crying, but also feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, changes in appetite, feeling tired, etc - there's a bit of a list here if you're interested - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression/signs-and-symptoms

I'm getting the impression that you don't really want the diagnosis of depression, is that right? I think who you are as a person isn't really defined by crying - I know I've never said 'Oh that's my friend, she's a crier" 🙂 It's just a behaviour that you happen to be doing a lot of right now!

As for medication, this is totally and completely optional. You can always choose whether or not you want it or not. If you decide to go and get some therapy, that might be enough and all that you need. Lots of people choose not to take medication and they can still get better. If you were to take medication though, this doesn't mean you have to be reliant on it like your mum - I've known some people who have only taken it from 3mo to a year. It's not a sentence.

I hope this helps