Can't Get Help

[Anonymous1712]

I was first diagnosed with depression at 18 (I am now 71) and over the years have been on different anti depressants and been referred for counselling.  Nothing has really helped, but being a person who tries to make the most of things I have just had to get on with it.  However, I have never understood how I could feel miserable when on paper I had everything a person could need or want.  A loving husband, beautiful children, a home etc.  There was always a feeling that something was missing and I had no idea what it was.  I have experienced periods of happiness, but never contentment.  Life seemed to be something I just had to get through.  

Whilst I was in hospital (over a year ago) a psychiatrist came to see me.  I told her my life history and she concluded she thought I may have ADHD and on discharge I should see my GP to and ask to be put on a mental health care plan.  Of course, I googled ADHD there in black and white was the story of my life, everything made sense and there was a solution.  I felt excited, that even at an advanced age I I might get some relief from my miserable existence.  

On discharge I went to my GP, who didn't bother with a MHCP but referred me to a psychiatrist .  After about 3 months I hadn't heard from them so phoned just to check I was in the system.  I was told he couldn't see me.  I made an appointment with another GP once again to ask to go on a MHCP.  No interest there either.  I go to another GP explain what psychiatrist had suggested.  This GP said he would like to get the report from hospital psychiatrist before he did anything.  Great, I thought, now I am getting somewhere.  No such luck, it took the hospital about 3 months to send the report through and no mention of ADHD.  Okay that's disappointing but I still need a MHCP don't I.  His reply "why would you bother at your age" has destroyed me.  My son wants nothing to do with me as he says I am not trying hard enough to get help.  

[Jarmo]

First of all I’m so sorry you’ve been treated so poorly by so many medical professionals that is completely intolerable. Secondly, of course you should bother, your age has nothing to do with it, help and support should be readily available to anyone no matter their age or circumstance. I’ve had similar situations happen to me, where they either didn’t believe me and brushed me off or simply just weren’t listening. In the end I took myself to the ER, waited and was seen by a nurse and doctor who asked a bunch of questions and then asked if I would prefer to be admitted or referred to an in-house clinical psychologist. I opted for the psych as I didn’t think admission was necessary at that point as I wasn’t at risk to myself but I needed help. 
So, I think you should keep pursuing this, push back, get second opinions, third if you have to. Find someone who will listen and never feel like you should bother “because of your age”. You 110% deserve support and help. 

I wish you all the best

[therising]

Hi Anonymous1712

That's amazing, you having met that one psychiatrist who was on the ball when it came to perhaps pinpointing why you've been struggling so much and most likely have been misunderstood by others for so long. That must have been both exciting and a relief. I'm a firm believer in good professionals first having to be good detectives. The good ones, the really good ones, will pick up on the subtlest of clues and then wonder whether those clues are seriously pointing to something. The best are wonder filled or wonderful detectives, not closed minded professionals simply diagnosing things based on their experience or their textbook learning. There's always going to be someone who presents as a new case they've never come across before. Every patient is a potential teacher.

'Why would you bother at your age?' Hmm. My answer to that would have to be something along the lines of 'Dude, if you're asking me that question then you obviously don't know how challenging it is to live my life'. Another approach could be 'Do you often ask your patients depressing questions?'. It's definitely hard to challenge a doctor, especially when we're conditioned to 'Never question the doctor'. I never realised how hard it was to do, drop that way of thinking, until I had to become demanding out of sheer desperation. Being a 52yo gal, it's taken me some decades to finally reach the conclusion I'll only see GPs who are open minded wonderful detectives who are out to solve a mystery.

Seek an open minded GP 'til you find one. That's exactly the kind of GP you need to be looking for. Currently have my son undertaking an assessment for possible ADHD and/or ASD with the help of a really good psychologist. Wondering whether a MHCP for referral to a psychologist, before seeing a psychiatrist, could be the way to go. Don't give up. You may just be on your way to solving the ultimate mystery in your life. Don't let a handful of bungling detectives get in the way of that.