Bad Phycologist-vent!

[Peacefuldove]

Hi everyone,

So I know that due to everything that's going on in the world right now, I know that there is probably a lot worse and far off going on right now. But this is something that I have been wanting to discuss for a while now, and something that I feel like not many people talk about.

So a few months ago I started seeing a phycologist that my sister had recommended to me. I've had severe depression years now but it had mainly triggered again, after the first guy who I fell for completely started ignoring me, so basically I had felt like trash at the time and I had lost two really close friends of mine at the time.

after that the first phycologist I ever saw seemed like she was always in a hurry, the next one I saw were nice but more felt like I was in a job interview, the one after that seemed to more forget things that I would tell her.

so for a while I had felt like giving up and not bothering for a while and had just managed to cure a lot of things myself.

I was so focused now on other things, getting my life on track, stressful job etc, that boys weren't even on my mind and was more wanting to get my mental health on track. But then I had accidentally met someone as you do.

To cut a long story short, we had connected straight away, had long conversations on the way to work, ended up asking me out, went really well, dropped me home, told me that he will see me in the usual spot that we meet up, talked a bit that night-then poof! Never heard from him again.

So I just thought the normal thing, weren't actually nterested in me, just wanted one thing etc. But he had told me that night that he might have cancer, but he wouldn't talk about it and there were times when he had looked unwell.

So a part of me thought that it was a lot to do with that, or if he was just completely ghosting me. But because he was genuinely really sick, and did not know what was going on I ended eventually confronting him as nervous as I was, asking him if he was okay, then I would be able to move on.

I ended up telling my phycologist this story, because even my friend's and family who were just as pessimistic as me told me that I did the right thing.

However my phycologist said a lot of rude things to me and came across really rude to me. I left the session feeling completely humiliated!

I was just wondering if this sort of thing had ever happened to anyone or if anyone had a similar experience at all?? I was left for words and felt completely modified!!

[AlwaysForgotten]

Hey PeacefulDove,

Its a little hard to respond to your question when you haven't actually explained what was said to you. While you may have thought it was rude, it could have actually been the right answer that you may not have wanted to hear. I am not saying they were not rude, only that without an idea of what was said, there is nothing to match to in order to know if it would be the same for others. Honestly, most psychologists can come off "aloof" which personally I think is a little rude, but that may just be me.

The only way we can know is if you give us a clue about what was said.

I am reminded of an old Taoist saying: "That which is true is not always beautiful, and that which is beautiful is not always true".

[Guest_1643]

Hi Peaceful dove and welcome,

I truly feel some people become therapists for the wrong reasons. After trialliang many professionals, I think the no one thing to look out for is empathy. A good therapist has empathy. They feel like they are in your corner and not looking down on you from some perch.

You are also an expert in your treatment, you know yourself better than anyone else, so if someone makes you feel like you need to throw away your own insticts and blindly accept everything they say - they can't be a good therapist.

i'm glad you left the therapist who was always in a hurry - i had one like that and it ruined the whole experience.

I don't know if this one is rude, but if you felt they were, that's totally your right. Some of them don't have the best social skills. the thing with finding the right pychologist is - it is really difficult but can happen.

[Peacefuldove]

Thank you AlwaysForgotten, unfortunately I was unable to post the whole story, as I couldn't fit anymore characters in.

I understand where your coming from, I guess I should've been better explaining what was said.

Unfortunately I have a lot trust issues, and although, I had been asked out a lot prior, it's quite rare when I do go out with someone I just instantly connect with, as the last person was quite abusive, I was physically ill for about two years, lost lots of weight, and couldn't really bring myself to eat. So it had been three years for me, so it was a very big thing for me!

Those were really rough 2-3 years, as I really should've been hospitalised, and I have no judgement on anyone who does, but I'm not really the one night stand, hooking up girl.

So when I told her the story, she made it sound like I was chasing him which I didn't like, as I only texted him once every two weeks or so, I wouldn't had bothered with anyone else but because he was genuinely sick, and we had started off as friends. My family could see how much it had all been hurting me, that even they had given me the same advice and so did my friend's, so I had felt very supported as this was even affecting me going to sleep at night.

I didn't want to talk to her to ask her opinion at all, it was on how I could get my trust back up, and how I can either stop attracting men who are either wounded etc, and get out of this pattern.

But her advice was pretty much, not validating what I wanted to ask, straight away started talking over the top of me, and pretty much asked me who the next guy I will be seeing is, when all this had emotionally drained me. She pretty much sounded like I should jump into bed with the next person.

After she spoke to me, she just straight away asked about my job, so I was just left speechlees. I felt like I was left mortified.

It hurt me to, because I'm very cold and almost rude to a lot of men who try to chat me up due to that previous guy, so finding out if a guy who might had internal cancer was apparently chasing someone. This is what dissapointed me, and she still didn't know a lot about my past just yet.

[Peacefuldove]

Thank you Sleepy21. Yeah, I agree! I don't think that I will be ever seeing one again, but if I do, I will be more fussy and do some research first. Thank you!!

[White_Rose]

Dear Peacefuldove

Hello and welcome. Thank you for explaining the background to your post.

It sounds as though you have had some disappointing therapists. This does happen from time to time but sadly you have had a run of them. I used to see a psychiatrist when I first became depressed. He was always late sometimes keeping me waiting for an hour. Not impressed. However his worst failing, and I do mean failing, was going to sleep while I talked to him. At first I though he was unwell and got concerned but when I mentioned it to the receptionist she said "oh no, not again. I'll talk to his wife." Made no difference until I got so fed up repeating what I had said that I told him if he ever went to sleep again I would leave and not return. He could also be quite sarcastic which I though very rude.

So yes, there are good and bad therapists out there. The best help I ever had was from my GP who was fantastic. She had an interest in mental health which was great.

May I suggest you have a chat with your GP about how well this therapy is going (or not) and what you would like to be happening. Perhaps your GP can refer you to another psychologist. Do you think you would get on better with a woman rather than man, given your previous experiences? Anyway, I suggest making a long appointment with your GP and talking about the whole situation.

Mary

[Peacefuldove]

Thank you Mary, I appreciate your post. And this therapist was a women. Due to everything going on right now, I think I will just wait. I have been doing other things to get my mind off it. I just needed to vent I think, and to see if anyone else had experienced anything similar. I'm so sorry to hear about your therapist. That must've been a really terrible thing to had gone through! and good that you had let the receptionist know

[AlwaysForgotten]

Well this therapist sounds very out of touch with people & not very empathetic. I can understand you not wanting to go back there.

There seems to be a fine line between familiarity with patients (ie asking who you are going to see next) and remaining professional.

My wife and I started going to a counselor a few months back and one of the first things she said before even getting to know either of us was "What do you do for a living? It doesn't matter, but I am sure you are an expert at it. Well I am an expert at this, so you listen to what I have to do and do what I tell you and everything will work out great". Suffice to say but we didn't continue going there for very long. Every time we tried asking for specific advice on certain situations she trotted out this "quiz" she had developed and somehow thought that answering a handful of questions gave her perfect clarity into our entire beings.

Its sad to say, but even professionals can be unprofessional, which is the last thing a person needs when they have actually taken that first step to seek help.

[Guest_1643]

It's okay to be fussy with therapists I think!

I never was one to do research, jsut went with the doc my gp suggested.... and stuck it through. It worked out badly for me and the docs don't always know whta they're doing!

Open communication is key!

[AlwaysForgotten]

What irritates me more than anything is the "magical thinking" that many professionals in the health industry seem to engage in. This belief that somehow they have "secret knowledge" which only someone in their profession can learn or understand & somehow this secret knowledge means they are incapable of making mistakes &"they layman" who doesn't have this secret knowledge could not possibly know more than they could.

Unfortunately even open communication doesn't help, especially if they are unwilling to accept that a person may know more than them. The number of times I have had to race my wife into emergency, had the doctors all tell us there is nothing wrong & it will all magically clear up, only to have her in surgery less than 24 hours later & them pretending like they didn't fail to listen to well reasoned, logical & very specific evidence they were being provided. After all... we couldn't possibly know what they know, so why listen to patients, what would they know