Angered

[Guest_35370081]

My wife an i have been happily married for 18 yrs we have had the odd argument but  nothing major  recently i had a birthday which my wife threw a surprise party which i really enjoyed 2 days later idestroyed Xmas for my wife, we had a heated argument 2 days before Xmas, I lost my cool and pushed her not meaning harm, but she feel over, I accepted full blame and apologised profusely, she say she's fine and we're fine, but I know we're not the love has left her, I am afraid I have broken the one thing in this world that means anything to me. I am so ashamed and hate myself for what I have done to her, she won't talk about the future in depth. Is it over?

[indigo22]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

Since this happened so recently, it sounds like your wife may be needing some time to process her thoughts and feelings about the incident. It may be that you will need to talk about this more as there may be a lack of trust on your wife's part. Being physical with someone you love is not okay and can make the other party feel unsafe for period of time. I know you said that you were not meaning harm, but that kind of physical reaction can cause harm on an emotional level even if she wasn't hurt physically.

We all get angry and heated discussions can bring out the worst in us, but reacting physically is not the answer. Please understand that I am not judging here, I am trying to help you understand this from your wife's perspective. How can she trust that it won't happen again? It is your job now to reassure that it won't.

If you find yourself in this situation again, you need to walk away and allow your anger to subside before returning to talk rationally about the problem. Nothing is ever resolved in the heat of the moment.

I hope this helps and please feel free to continue the conversation if you wish.

indigo