Am I gonna be depressed for the rest of my life

[Jojochiu]

I can’t feel happy no matter how. The sarcastic thing is that I think I already have everything people could ask for including a loving family, lovely children, loving husband, a good job and no financial stress. What more can I ask for? I should be the last person in this world getting depressed.


But I just don’t feel happy. When I go to work, I cry for the work stress. When I stay home to look after my children, I kick myself for being useless, not making use of my degree and not bringing income to the family etc. I can’t throw myself into anything to feel happy (except for my children, but I know I can’t rely on them to be happy because one day they will leave the nest). I am an introvert and not easy to open up myself to anything and anyone.


I am only 40 year old, am I gonna be like this for the rest of my life?

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome to the forums.

The question you raise is very difficult to answer - at least for myself. Skipping over most of my story I once viewed mental health (depression and anxiety) in a similar way to a broken arm. That is, there would be a period of time for healing and then everything goes back to normal. Now this may be the case for some people. However, not be me ... that does not mean there will not be that day, yet at the moment I cannot see it. So I have come to accept that my journey continues. I came to this view after sessions with my psychologist, who I still see.

The first and really only question I would have for you is... whether you have spoken to anyone about what you have mentioned in your post above? Your husband or friends? GP?

I am very well aware of how difficult is can be to open up to someone verbally. And, having spoken with my wife, if not people at work, once done, I have felt a sense of lightness with having chatted about what is on my mind. While this is also an anonymous space, you have also started to speak about what is happening. And maybe, when you are ready, you could print out a couple of posts from here to show your husband. I would also take this moment to tell you that it takes courage to write on a forum such as this and for someone who says it is not easy for them to open up....

Listening to you, Tim

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Jojochiu,

Warm welcome to the forums. I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way about yourself. You've done really well thus far, and a mother's role is not an easy one to fulfill. You are a mother to your beloved children, and a loving partner to your husband, and it takes great effort to balance both roles by yourself. You'll be faced with a lot of challenges, and a lot of failures and downfall, because of this new role that you're taking on as a mother. But with failure comes experiences, experiences that you can learn from so that you can improve and grow yourself into a better person. You've done an amazing work for your family thus far for looking after your children and your husband.

I feel, society is built in a way where it favors extroverts the most, because of the way humans are meant to socialize and interact with each other in order to survive/hangout/do business etc. So it creates a sense that because introverts are quiet and shy, there's something wrong with them in society. In reality, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert, everyone's too busy caring about themselves that, they don't have much capacity to observe and analyze/judge an introvert. Even if they do, they are entitled to their own opinions, because you are who you are, and no one else knows more about you than yourself. The cool thing about being an introvert (I myself am an Introvert), is we tend to think deep. We value meaningful conversations, and we cherish those who connect with us at a deeper level. We don't need a large circle of friends, that'd be too hard to manage. We focus on things that brings a lot of meaning to us.

Just wanting to seek clarification, I assume you're a full-time house-wife at the moment? Or are you working a part-time job? Happy to chat with you more Jojochiu. You're not alone!

Jt

[Amanda2000]

Hi Jojochiu,

I'm in the exact same situation! I seemingly have it all as you've described - a loving family, lovely children, loving husband, a good job and no financial stress. What more can I ask for? I should be the last person in this world getting depressed.

I feel like today is just the same as yesterday, and tomorrow will not be any better. Nothing will ever improve.

My personal belief is there's no "cure". It's all about ongoing management to get through life and hopefully get some enjoyment along the way. I try to look forward to something small everyday. I love chocolate so I have a daily ritual of enjoying some chococlate-time. Every little bit helps. Each short-term adds up to the long-term.

I'm an introvert too. There are a lot of like-minded people in this forum. You are never alone!

Hope this can help you feel a little better. Take care.

[geoff]

Hello Jojochiu, that's a question those with depression always ask themselves, because they haven't felt any better for a long time and only expect tomorrow will be no different than today, the trouble is we seemed to have everything a person would ever want in life, maybe, but this illness can go so deep it just wipes all of this away and doesn't care at all.

We could try our best to be happy around the kids, but unfortunately, it still shows, even if it's only a small bit and they may ask 'are you OK daddy' which can intensify how you feel and can't wait until you are in the bathroom, but you can't be blamed for feeling this way, so I hope you can realise this because that's the first step in getting better, but you can still cry.

When and hopefully you can see your doctor, write down all that's troubling you and the struggles you're trying to cope with, this will help you when you see them, all you have to do is hand over this document to them, then it will explain everything without even talking and please ask them about the 'mental health plan', this is where Medicare pays for 6 to 10 sessions, but hope to talk with you when possible.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Jojochiu]

I am a finance analyst working 3 days a week while my kids go to childcare centre.

I think you pointed out one of the reason why I am so depressed, that is motherhood. I love my children more than anything. I want to be with them as much as I can, I want to see them grow up. I worry that next year when my son go to prep, I will have less time together with him. I don’t want to put him in after school care but no one can help pick him up while I work. Then I start kicking myself for thinking all these, cos these are just normal to all mothers, so why should I be crying like a baby?

You also mentioned with failure comes with experiences and help grow myself be a better person. But sometimes I don’t want to grow, I just want to curl up and be a baby if you know what I mean. Especially lately I made the same mistake twice at work and feel terrible about myself. I am not confident in my job, not confident talking to people, sometimes I just want to quit my job, but like I said in my original post, I would be kicking myself if I don’t work. But I am fearful of the future if I do go to work, that would mean pick up/drop off, work meeting, work during the day, after school extra curriculum activities, kids homework etc etc. But like a cycle, I would kick myself for being fearful, cos this is what every mother go through in the world, why am I being so weak and useless and be so frightened about it?

sorry, I am a bit all over the place. Hope you understand my post.

[Jojochiu]

Honestly, I am too ashamed to share my feeling to anyone because they would think I am crying for nothing. For girlfriends who work full time with family, they will think/say, “what are you crying for? you only work 3 days a week, your life is much easier than lot of full time working mum”. For girlfriends who are full time mum, they will not understand why I go to work.

I know Gp can do referral to psychiatrist or similar, but I will never have time to go to those appointments cos I am either at work or with my kids.

Can’t talk to husband cos he’s not a good listener, always cut me off or talk about his own stuff instead

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jojochiu, 

We hear you, there are a lot of pressures in your life, and it's incredibly hard to deal with them while you're going through this. We hope the kind words and understanding of others on this thread are a comfort to you. 

We want you to know that you deserve support and should not have to go through this alone.We're here on the end of the phone for you when you need to talk it through. Our mental health professionals might be able to help you to figure out how you could access support through your GP or in your local community despite all the demands on your time. Call us 1300 22 4636, or use the webchat or email options listed on our website.  

We're really glad you could share here with our community. Please know that our community are here to listen and offer their kind support to you during this difficult time. Please feel free to keep updating us here whenever you feel ready to.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[jtjt_4862]

Hi Jojochiu,

There's no need to apologize for the way you're feeling right now. Please rest assure your feelings are valid, and there's no need to be ashamed for feeling this way. If I may say though, you're doing really well thus far. Juggling between a part time job of three days, plus taking care of your kids and being a mother to the family, is not an easy task. Sure there are other mothers who can probably handle their kids better even with a full time job, but that doesn't mean you have to be like them. You do what you can to the best of your abilities, and you can improve yourself at your own pace. You can certainly gain inspiration from other mothers so you can learn to be better, and it doesn't have to be perfect. But never compare yourself to other mothers, because you are who you are.

There are times where we're just too overwhelmed with goals and errands, that we don't want to proceed any further. That is okay, it's normal for us to feel burnt out. When we're burnt out, no matter how much we try to push ourselves, it's not going to be as effective as when we first started, and we'll start questioning our abilities to keep going on. When we're tired, we're not at our 100%. When we're not at our fullest potential, we can't perform efficiently. We need to allow ourselves some time to recuperate and rest. Give ourselves some self-love and say "I've done all I can today, and I've done a great job. But I'm tired today, so I will rest for now, and try again tomorrow".

Although you mentioned that your husband is not a good listener, but perhaps you could try discussing with him about your feelings and how you're too burnt out with taking care of the kids, and see if he can lend you a hand so you can have some time for yourself to rest? You could also ask and see if your husband can help take care of the kids while you visit the GP for a referral to a psychiatrist, or request some time off from work if your husband can't. Look after yourself first Jojochiu. Your wellbeing comes first before your family and your job. Happy to listen to you more if you'd like to share more.

Jt

[smallwolf]

Hi. I want to tell you how good the response from jtjt_4862 is!

You are also not being weak and useless. You are being human. And honest. Parents can issues and may suppress and push down their issues - they see other parents coping and wonder what they are doing wrong. Whether both parents work, or the family relies on a single income.

One example is ... It was a real struggle but my wife was a full time mum for the first few years because of the stress would likely face in going back to work. Also, when going back to work, looked for a job that would allow her to spend that after school time with the kids.

Lastly and from my own experience, I think you are strengths and talents but the negatives smother any positives we have. I won't write about that here and now, maybe in a later post. And if you want to chat some more, I will be here and if you don't mind me asking some questions...

Tim