Well I first posted here when I was about 16 and feeling alone, I am now 24 . I don’t have my old account but I wish I could see my old post and just give myself the hug I needed .
back then I didn’t fully understand what I was going through . I avoided all situations that made me uncomfortable . Yep that’s right school camp , birthday parties you name it . I found it debilitating to be around large groups of people .
I know now it was probably some form of anxiety but I definitely did not have the support I needed back then and I found it extremely difficult to form connections with people.
I was the weird kid that didn’t talk . I dropped out of dancing because I didn’t talk to anyone and found it really embarrassing when the teacher told us to pick a partner and I was the odd one out .
never fully understanding why I couldn’t make friends .
Grade 12 home groups changed in my last year of schooling . I spent every morning so anxious leading up to it as I knew there was a certain time period where we were given the chance to just chat and laugh with the other people in our home group . But I had no friends because I couldn’t talk .
I don’t want to reveal too many facts as I fear someone will recognise me .. hey probably a bit of anxiety . But let’s just say growing up I was living in a bit of a shadow and my parents weren’t there for me when I needed them even when I tried to tell them I was struggling .
im 24 now . Saved up for my own home to escape the suffocating lifestyle at home . Made myself bankrupt so had to move away and rent out my place to save money for a bit of time .
Had an emotionally abusive relationship where I was called stupid , idiot , immature . Oh I believed those things before he came along but with him saying it has just made it that much believable .
Feeling like a failure of uni and overall life.
Seen the psychologist yesterday but just feeling so done with life today .
