Am i depressed?

[DarkSunshine]

Hi everyone,

I've started a thread as I am not sure as to whether I am actually depressed or just very over-dramatic / moody. I have completed the beyond blue checklist and it came out with a high. I didn't want to self-diagnose anything and so i decided to try out all the online checks i could find - of which all also said the same. Even after so many tests, I wasn't satisfied as I am in my teenage years anyways so it may just be me being over-dramatic and moody. I have come here to ask if anyone could help me figure out whether i may actually be depressed or if it's just a phase (age). I am willing to answer any questions (may be brief though).

The reason I have been reluctant but to come here is because I can't go to my GP or anyone as I'm too scared for my parents to find out - I don't think they'd be very happy. Would mean a lot if someone could help me out because my behavior lately has been driving me and (pretty sure) everyone around me crazy.

Thank you for your time and sorry for bothering everyone on here who have to go through so much more while i whine about my minor problems.

[Doolhof]

Hi DarkSunshine,

Sometimes we feel that no one cares or understands, especially family and friends. Some people may not acknowledge and validate how we are feeling, but hopefully there is someone in the family whom you can talk with.

Are there any support workers at school whom you can talk with? Your friends don't need to know what it is all about if you don't want to tell them. Everyone needs help sometimes with something in their lives.

You may like to call the Kids Line and talk to a support worker (sorry I don't have the number!).

Doing all those check lists online can give you some idea of what might be going on. It is important though to see a Dr if you can. A medical person can make the best diagnosis.

Until you find some answers, are there things in life that you do enjoy doing? It is beneficial to make time for the things we enjoy and that give us a sense of purpose and meaning.

Maybe consider talking to your parents about how you are feeling. Hopefully they will be more accepting and willing to help than you think. It could help if you show them the results of the tests you have taken.

There is always someone to help! Don't give up on receiving help.

All the best from Dools

[DarkSunshine]

I appreciate you dedicating some of your time to reply to my post Dool, thank you. I am aware that the people on here are actually having a hard time and I'm sorry for being so selfish on the forums - this is the only option I had left.

My mum has actually started to notice a few things;

- I can't sleep properly (it takes me around 2-3 hours to fall asleep and once i do, i keep on waking up during the night)

- My eating habits have gone very downhill (I have 1 proper meal a day)

- I tend to isolate myself

The other day she booked me an appointment at the GP for this but I got my way out of it as I was scared of what they would tell her. I feel like if what the online results turn out to be true and she knows, she'll be disappointed - and i don't want to make her more disappointed than i already do. I also feel like they won't accept it as is and will view me differently. I'm pretty good at hiding such things as I stay in my room with my door locked majority of the time, and at school I read or stay in the bathrooms.

There are counselors available at school but I'm scared it will somehow get to my parents - my friend's parents got called and were made aware of the issue when she went. As me and my friends are really close - we go everywhere with each other - i'm scared she too may found out.

I have slowly started to lose interest in majority of things but the two things i do still enjoy is music and reading. They're like my happy place...

Again, thank you so much for your time and concern, x.

[Doolhof]

Hi Dark Sunshine,

There is no need to apologise at all. You may read about all kinds of issues here, the thing is, your issue is just as important as anyone else's!

May I suggest that you ask your Mum to make you another appointment at the Drs. It sounds like your Mum is concerned enough for you to have made an appointment in the first place. Have a think about this and see how you feel about it.

I would like to suggest that if you have an issue, talking to a DR is a good first step. They can assist and help you and explain what is going on for you.

It can be difficult accepting or telling others that you may have or do have a mental health issue. For me, getting help earlier instead of later would have been a great advantage to my ability to cope and deal with my issues.

Having activities that make you feel good are very important. Reading and music sound like excellent ways to do this. Do you have favourite styles of music or topics you like to read?

When we are depressed, isolating ourselves can be an indication we are not coping so well. It seems crazy because deep inside we want people to be with yet we shut ourselves away. Is it possible for you to join the family a little more now and then, even if you are with them reading a book.

There is a thread here called "Three things to be thankful for" maybe you could have a look at that and see if it helps you feel a little differently in any way.

All the best to you from Dools

[DarkSunshine]

Hi Dools,

I appreciate you taking out time to reply. I'm too scared to ask my mum again. After being too noticeable with my symptoms once, i have learnt how to hide them pretty well and my mum believes that I am fine.

I like listening to slow, sad and meaningful songs, my current favorite song would probably be 'Speechless', sung by Naomi Scott. I love books which address things like mental health - my favorite book is 'All the Bright Places', by Jennifer Niven.

Thank you, I will check the thread out and I'll also try to contribute.

Hope you're doing well too.

-DarkSunshine

[Doolhof]

Hi DarkSunshine,

Thanks for sharing a bit more about yourself. Music and books are great ways to learn more and to assist with relaxation as well as maybe find inspiration.

It may be possible for you to continue to hide your feelings for a while, one thing with depression and anxiety is that if not dealt with sometimes it can become worse.

Maybe have a think about how you are feeling, consider if you want to deal with this alone or if you would like some help sometime.

Reading self help books is certainly an advantage. There is a lot we can learn from them. It is also beneficial to share any confused thoughts with someone who understands, like a mental health professional or a DR.

Have a think about how you are coping and if you need help. I am sure your Mum would rather help you now then have you develop a larger issue. It can be hard to ask for assistance. I understand that.

I would also like to share with you that any mental health issue is not "just something in your head" it is a genuine issue, and it deserves to be addressed like any other medical condition.

Hope you have something nice planned for the weekend.

I'm going to go for a walk, do some gardening and my sister is visiting later today.

Cheers to you from Dools

[DarkSunshine]

Hi Dools,

Sorry for the extremely late reply. Hope everything you planned for the weekend went well.

Honestly, I don't know what's happening to me or around me. I know my mum's concerned because of my behavior but i also know that this is not what she has in mind. My family isn't very accepting when it comes to things like these, so i'm too scared. I'm pretty sure my mum thought it was something to do with my physical health - I'm very underweight and unhealthy so she probably thought i was getting worse. If I asked her to make an appointment and the DR confirms what I've been thinking - i'm scared of how she's going to react (and I know it's not going to be good).

At this rate, I think i'm just going to have to continue assuming things and dealing with them. Thank you so much for your time. I hope you're doing well too .

[Doolhof]

Hi DarkSunshine,

I'm doing well thanks. My weekend didn't go quite to plan, but that is okay. I can make different plans each day and see what happens. My sister did come to visit for a while so that was nice.

Sometimes facing up to what is happening to us or to our family members is not always easy to deal with. It can be difficult to express how we are feeling emotionally and mentally to some people.

Hopefully you will be able to consider if you want to try and get help now, if you feel like you need to deal with this alone, and where will your choices take you a year from now?

It may well be that you are able to help yourself sufficiently to be able to keep moving on.

Gaining some assistance and telling your Mum what is happening may cause initial issues, then maybe support, help and acceptance.

I read a quote the other day that said something like "People may find your disclosure a little upsetting or disturbing, surely that is better than having to pick you up when you have broken."

Trying to deal with these issues alone works to a certain extent. I feel we all need some kind of support. If you had a physical issue would you ask your Mum for help? Mental health issues are legitimate and real.

Hope you manage to find some answers and help!

Wishing you well, from Dools

[DarkSunshine]

Hi Doolhof,

It's nice to know that at least your weekend went somewhat to plan. Sorry for the extremely late reply - I had gone out with internet for a week or so.

I was actually doing pretty well till the other day with everything. Everything seemed to be looking up - i got my first job, i moved houses and i had a small vacation. I started to believe everything was fine again and that maybe i really wasn't depressed - just very upset. I did though, have that fear that this was just the calm before another storm - a feeling I always get when something good happens. And boy was I right, I have been struggling for the past couple of days and when I finally got access to internet - well, here I am.

It's not that i'm unsure of how my mum will react - I know how she's going to react. At this point I just want to stick to the forums which surprisingly do make me feel so much better - especially since it's anonymous. There's just that one question in me - am i being over dramatic or is it really something. I'm sorry for bothering you so much with my rants and problems but please don't feel like you have to reply.

All the best - DarkSunshine

[Doolhof]

Hi DarkSunshine,

Congratulations on your job! I would like to encourage you to buy a notebook you can use as a journal to record all the good things that do happen in your life.

You could record any moment or event that has been positive or hopeful. Maybe even record the sight of something that brought a smile to your face.

I believe that we all have moments where we travel along happily, then something comes along to make us feel like we are stumbling. For me, the thing is to accept the stumble and find ways to move on again.

Sometimes people surprise us with their reactions. They don't always react how we think they will. You know your Mum though and I don't, so I will acknowledge what you are saying about your Mum.

It is wonderful you are feeling comfortable with the forum. Have you had a look around at different sections?

You are not bothering me at all. I too use this forum to share how I am feeling and often have a rant! I also have a book that I write all the negative stuff into and that helps me too.

Hope you have something nice planned for the weekend.

Yesterday I blew my sinus infected nose too hard and blew a hole in my ear drum, so the Dr told me, so I might be having a quiet weekend! My ear feels quite weird!

Cheers to you from Dools