Alone, forgotten, saddend, no self respect, no motivation, totally disillusioned, outcast???

[Djordat]

Hi, not sure whether this is the right thing to do?

I have no one else to speak with, about how things are with my position.

I know I have allowed things in my life to way me down, to the point where, I can not seem to see the way out.

Some days are better than others, I find great solace, in the animals in my life, of which are many, mostly wild.

I seem to feel great empathy and sadness for the hopelessness, I see in all things around me, and take it on board.

I try to help others of all species, and cant help myself. Once, I was the most trusting of all that I met, and gave of everything I could freely and honestly, only to be tossed aside each time.

And still, I leave myself open to the users and the self indulged, blinded to there indifference, I accept there words and smooth ways.

It's in disbelief, and distrusting suspicion that I thrive now, detached and isolated from all but nature, in that I trust.

It's very hard to describe the way of things, but in this way I remain distant and detached, where it's safe.

I still have to endure dramas and problems in my life due to commitments and responsibility's every day.

I hide well my ashamed self, and put up a good front to all those I deal with every day, at arms length.

A social life I have none, interacting with others closely none, alone in mind, alone in body, alone in spirit.

Have recently been accumulating my rubbish around me on display, so as to remind me what I am.

Sorry to burden any who read this with my silliness, but would like any comments, may be out of all the self analysis, other views and opinions or experiences may help me turn around this endlessness.

I know I have much more to give in many ways, but cant get the pointlessness out of me!!

With much respect and a kind heart, Thank You.

[Guest_1584]

Hey dory.

Yeah , l know what you mean about love and agree. Spent a bit of time in a singles forum and l was always amazed at how people just dated even 100s of just anyones, started up relationships with just anyone or the way they talked or answered other posts .

l could just see it everywhere,there was very few that even knew what love was let alone that kinda love , it always surprised me.

[Doolhof]

Hello Djordat and All,

"Love" is a very interesting concept. It would be interesting to ask 100 people what they believe the word "Love" means to them. Each of us have travelled our own journeys in life, with different experiences, beliefs and values. Even within one family, each member can experience life and love totally differently.

For me, "Forgiveness" goes with love. If I am unable to accept the wrongs that I feel I have done to myself and others, or others have done to me, than love has no chance of emerging and growing.

For me, regrets, bitterness, grief, the what ifs in life and other such emotions and thoughts have strangled me in the past, causing me to build up walls around me so I can no longer be hurt or abused. Disassociation and distancing myself have been part of my arsenal of self protection.

Peeking over that wall now and then to see who is out there in this world of ours, has helped to soften the hardness of my heart at times. Some days it does not take much for me to jump back over the wall and close myself away.

I agree with you Djordat, nature, animals, all creatures great and small have an amazing way of connecting to their environment, of which we are a part.

At the moment we are borrowing some pet sheep from a farmer to graze some of our garden. Two of the sheep are especially friendly, one seems to enjoy a rough rub on his face and ears. As I walk around the yard they are in, quite often the small flock of sheep follow me. As I turn to watch them, my heart is filled with a burst of pleasure.

We humans can learn a lot from the creatures of this world.

Cheers all from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Randomx and All,

Do you think it helps to stick around BB , D ?
Like as in being able to talk among people that get things or are we better to get of the computer and attempt the real world , not think so much ?

Randomx this comment is certainly one to ponder. I believe we can have the best of both worlds, or at least to try daily to strive to make the most of what we have available to us.

I personally have been helped immensely by the care, comments, validation, acceptance and all the other positive emotions I have felt when connecting with this forum. So many people on this forum care very deeply for others who are suffering and going through hard times.

For me it is difficult to pick up the phone and talk to someone when I am struggling. I find it so much easier to share here how I am struggling and feeling.

Finding the balance is important. I'm very thankful I have a supportive and understanding sister and Doctor. I don't think my sister would be too happy if I contacted her in the middle of the night because I was feeling down, whereas this forum gives us the opportunity to share how we are feeling any time of the day or night.

Randomx, a combination of both the forum and the real world works for me. Hope you can find that balance for yourself.

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_1584]

Thanks D , sounds like a plan.

l've spent so much time alone since l got this house , new town knew no one. l was seeing someone but it was 2/3 long distance and there were other problems but a lot of that was skype and stuff and it hasn't worked out.

Also see my daughter as much as l can , few times a wk and save money so that we can go out somewhere. So , lots of spare time and maybe too much thinking too, l dunno.

This last few wks l'm trying to make a point as l work from home alone too , of going out at least sat or sun , somewhere. So far l've done 3wkends in a row so at least that's sorta getting me away a little.

But l've only just found this place and find it so good too and the people here. Even when gf and l were together l couldn't really talk about things like we do here and l cert can't put my daughter through it so it's been the fake it till l make it deal which has been going on 5yrs since my divorce really.

Forcing myself to get out there somehow just doesn't seem to help very much though for some reason and often leaves me feeling more void than before, dunno why. But l do feel better that l actually did it though if that makes sense or l'd probably hermit away here forever if l wasn't careful.

[Guest_1584]

l wonder what happens to us if we do just hermit away,

My gf was very much a loner and l'm quite a bit a loner, she was a total loner apart from her partner though. She worked with people and had a few phone only friends but apart from that , totally alone and would never have anyone to her place or in her life apart from her partner.

Strangely enough l've met the two most important women in my life at both times where l'd been totally alone, even hermitting .

Ex w l met in this old newspaper singles club , gf l met in my divorce club. No one else matters.

l do love having a partner and my daughter , but friends or other family, tbh , l couldn't care less , they've let me down or betrayed every time, what's the point l know the drill.

[Guest_128]

We turn into crabs😂

[Guest_1584]

But then , one night something happens while we're sneaking out of our hole in the sand on dusk, to find some food.

We bump into another crab , and they become the love of our life.

Dream on eh.

[Just Sara]

Dear Dj;

I do get what you're saying about manipulation...absolutely. My greatest lessons have been from con men/women who use, abuse and aren't anywhere to be seen when the going gets tough.

I also understand feelings of danger with walking out my front door and risking connections with people, even my family. Isolation isn't ideal, but it does seem to keep me 'feeling' safe and secure whether that's an illusion or not.

I talk of 'trust' because we not only trust 'them' more than we should, but lack trust in ourselves as well. The manipulative traits you speak of are there for sure, but it's up to us as our true protectors to walk away when signs of abuse are there in the beginning.

I didn't mean 'fault' is the issue. Each person's accountable for their own behaviour, beliefs, values and choices. Feeling at fault for what others do to us is ludicrous.

I'm not poo-pooing love either, it's beautiful and magnificent. Who doesn't want to feel skin tingling, breath taking and all encompassing passionate delight? No-one! But not if there's a devastating cost to ourselves associated with it.

Anyway, that's my rant. As you can tell, I've been burnt. The next person who wants to be in my life has to earn that right. I'm a valuable asset and worth it. Call me a realist...

Sez x

[Guest_128]

I'm sorry I think I have hit a grumble bush.

get this one,

I have so much anger about what I was betrayed as love growing up that I just assumed love was like your beautiful little crabs.

I have crabs everywhere,(not those ones) they are so funny they do yoga in the arvos on the mud,I often stand there with hands up in the air.

Dory

[Guest_1584]

But at least those crabs are doing their yoga, nothing worse than lazy crabs.