Alone, forgotten, saddend, no self respect, no motivation, totally disillusioned, outcast???

[Djordat]

Hi, not sure whether this is the right thing to do?

I have no one else to speak with, about how things are with my position.

I know I have allowed things in my life to way me down, to the point where, I can not seem to see the way out.

Some days are better than others, I find great solace, in the animals in my life, of which are many, mostly wild.

I seem to feel great empathy and sadness for the hopelessness, I see in all things around me, and take it on board.

I try to help others of all species, and cant help myself. Once, I was the most trusting of all that I met, and gave of everything I could freely and honestly, only to be tossed aside each time.

And still, I leave myself open to the users and the self indulged, blinded to there indifference, I accept there words and smooth ways.

It's in disbelief, and distrusting suspicion that I thrive now, detached and isolated from all but nature, in that I trust.

It's very hard to describe the way of things, but in this way I remain distant and detached, where it's safe.

I still have to endure dramas and problems in my life due to commitments and responsibility's every day.

I hide well my ashamed self, and put up a good front to all those I deal with every day, at arms length.

A social life I have none, interacting with others closely none, alone in mind, alone in body, alone in spirit.

Have recently been accumulating my rubbish around me on display, so as to remind me what I am.

Sorry to burden any who read this with my silliness, but would like any comments, may be out of all the self analysis, other views and opinions or experiences may help me turn around this endlessness.

I know I have much more to give in many ways, but cant get the pointlessness out of me!!

With much respect and a kind heart, Thank You.

[white knight]

Hi Djordat, welcome

I can connect strongly to everything you've said. I think you've posted in the best place.

Im 61 but in my 20's following careers in the Air Force and warder in a jail I was dissolutioned...I went bush on several occasions seeking nature and escaping the city and cruel people. Also I didnt know I had emotional mental illnesses.

Now, I'm in a better place and have written many threads hete some of which I think you'll benefit from. Even if you just read the first post. Use google

Topic: life in the fast lane- beyondblue

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Topic: inner peace, the glory of being you- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Maharaji the perfect instrument youtube

Thete are many more, most in the "staying well" section.

Glad you're here, enjoy.

Tony WK

[Djordat]

Thank you Tony for your kindness and support.

Will look up the links provided by you, as soon as I'm able.

As work consumes most of my time, every day, all year, early till late.

Many thanks again. Djordat.

[Guest_128]

Hi there,

Just telling you that most of us here feel exactly like you,

take your time and look around,I'm sure you will start to feel comfortable soon.

I will check in tomorrow,

what are the animals you look after?

Dory

[Guest_1584]

Hi D.

Well your a great writer too , maybe you should write a book as well.

People , yeah , l hear ya. l've come to pretty well except last few yrs forget trust 99% of people that come to be around me or the few that are actually in my life. just seems to be the way. not even brothers and sisters. Got 11 if them, all huggy huggy and insisting on family family , still went through my divorce totally alone.

Seems all you ask in life is a bit of loyalty , people you can be honest and open with each other or be there for each other, forget it , there's always a line, always betrayal . Marriage seems like the only way but only if your lucky , even that doesn't mean much these days.

Maybe others have better luck with people , l dunno. but these days and it might be an alternative for you too is just do your thing , mix with people or enjoy a chat or go places or whatever , but just take them with a grain of salt , pretty well all of them.Zero expectations , that way when they do turn around and let you down or show their colors as they all seem to do , it's just an oh yeah , no surprises, whatever . That's pretty well how l go these days, don't offer much don't expect much and lf l tell too much it'll be turned on me somewhere down the road, the whole box of rocks yaknow. don;t waste energy on cynical or blocking the world away , it's all a given, a joke, just take em all with a grain of salt.

l still open to that maybe one day, one day, someone comes into life that will be a real friend , but not holding my breath. Zero expectations , no surprises.

[swtpotato]

Hi Djordat,

I think a lot of people here will relate to what you have said, which you have expressed beautifully.

May I ask what some of your commitments and responsibilities are?

Do you feel like the people around you are not open to feelings of depression/anxiety?

It sounds like you have been hurt by people in the past, do you feel like past experiences stop you from trying to connect with others now? I can understand how that can happen for those with too much empathy - it is difficult not to take on what is not yours.

I hope reading other's experiences on the forums will help you feel less alone. It is a very good way to connect in a totally non-judgemental space.

Em

[Djordat]

Thank you dory, for your support and interest.

I love animals of all kinds, from the lowliest of the insects, to the most powerful of all things, people (just harder to deal with the most).

Time I spend the most of with, are. dogs, goats, birds, snakes, lizards, crocodiles, fish, even some times, sharks etc, etc, etc.

Mostly wild, or repaired injuries, from traffic interaction. I just love the lack of expectation from them, and how they keep there independence.

Even my dogs are free to choose, but they relate to me and show great empathy, never expecting more or less from me, a therapy in it's self.

I appreciate your caring, many thanks. Dordat.

[Djordat]

Thank you Randomx,

I can defiantly relate to your experiences, and position in life, mine is one of standing alone looking in, it's been the way for what seems an eternity. I to have family and long time friends who seem preoccupied in their world, which has no place for me.

I don't mind this, as they are not meant to be there for me, but some understanding of the gulf between us, would be nice, or some acceptance of the the vast differences of opinions, as I accept theirs.

Marriage is merely a formal constitution, of each individuals rights, and love is for ever, never to be frowned upon, as it is to deep to dismiss or to consider so shallow as to build hate, distrust or contempt from it.

I seem to be lost in the ideology of love, and bring it to everything I do, accepting all as deserving it, whether known to me or not, all things deserve it, even if it dose not come back.

Loneliness is destructive if not viewed from the right angle, mine is self originated, a decision made by me, and accepted for why! I long for the right companionship, but know it wont happen on my terms, or by me trying to force it, so I rely on those that have no expectations of me, the animals!

I thank you for your words, to inspire this response, I don't usually speak from the hart, as it is only me that reply's. Many thanks. Dordat.

[Djordat]

Thank you EM, for you kind interest.

Will try to answer you quires as honestly as I can.....My day to day is tied up with commitments mostly, to my latest and oldest profession, which is unique, and can be demanding, a 24/7 365 Responsibility to it, keeps me occupied most of the time. I meet many people from all walks of life, and educate them in very unique and special understandings from an altogether different point of view.

Home also keeps me busy, with the place, and animals that rely on me for their day to day well-being.

I guard well my innermost feelings and behavioral patterns from all, and let no other in. To keep them from perhaps feeling sorrow or sympathy, as I do not deserve it, or want it, any that I know would not understand it anyway.

My whole life, almost since I can remember has been one of, persecution, demoralization, having no value, of loss, emotional and spiritual blackmail, physical and mental abuse, and total lack of understanding or acceptance. And upon self analyzing myself for what seems a millennia, I'm not that bad! Just a bit to honest and passionate for my own good, something I can't seem to change.

I'm very empathetic, highly responsible, very committed and can be totally devoted.

Many Thanks for your many questions, about my life EM. Djordat.

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Djordat;

Animals and nature's so predictable yeah? It's us humans that aren't...

However...yes, there's an however. Our patterns of behaviour in relation to our past can be predictable. It's identifying them, applying self forgiveness/compassion and then very gradually replacing old thinking, beliefs and behaviour with new ones.

The most important aspect of this is being kind, gentle and proactive towards you and your healing first. Referring to yourself as rubbish isn't in line with this concept at all. You wouldn't say it about another, so why do it? Don't you have an equal right to empathy?

Self deprecation's a useless and unproductive habit. This cycle of self defeat doesn't allow for healing on any level of our consciousness. I'm sure you understand why animals get better quicker than humans due to this; they have no judgement and so respond well to treatment/therapy.

I absolutely understand how being alone feels safe, but it also inhibits the healing process. 'No man/woman is an island'.

What are you willing to do to become the person you want to be? And; do you really want to be different and get better?

Big questions, but very relevant. I'm here for you ok...

Sez