Hello Devilnamdan
Welcome to the forum and I am so glad that you have reached out to chat and to get some support and comfort.
I am so very sorry that you are going through this really rough time and I can't actually answer your question of "will she forgive me down the track?"...I don't know but I feel like you have expressed so very well here how you are feeling I am wondering if you are able to say these exact things to your wife? I am so pleased you are working on your mental health, does that mean that you have made an appointment to see a doctor? I am wondering too if you wife perhaps needs some extra support and needs to get some care from her GP also.
You sound like you love your wife very much and if you are both getting some help then things perhaps might improve. I am so pleased that your children are being supportive but I am sure it is painful for them to see their mother upset and frustrated too. It is great that you are communicating with them and yes you are right, she probably is very worried about you, however she may not know how to manage this especially if she too is having trouble with her own feelings.
It is so very brave of you to own your behavior in that you said you haven't been very pleasant to live with, I am wondering if some family counseling would be helpful for you all? It really sounds like you want to try and make this work so I am hoping you can get the support you need to get through this time, I think your doctor can help you get in touch with some counseling if that sounds like a good idea for you.
I am so sorry you are going through this Devilmandan
Huge hugs to you
AS
