I am currently having a major depressive episode. I don’t remember ever feeling this bad. This time there are so many things wrong in my life, I can’t see things getting better.
I have been off work with an injury for the past 3 months and the only time I go out of the house is to appointments needed for my injury. My children have been taking me because I can’t drive at the moment. I don’t want to be around anybody, I cry all the time, I have no energy, I sleep up to 15 hours a day, feel no joy in anything and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
When I do go back to work, it’s a job I hate and dread going to work and struggle to physically do the job now. Can’t afford to train to do anything else and I am already 50. It’s almost impossible to get new work at my age, especially being in low entry level employment.
About 18 months ago I found out that my 18yo daughter had been molested by my nephew from the age of 11. I blame myself. My daughter now has ptsd and all that goes along with that. I don’t know how to help her. My sister, who was my best friend, doesn’t speak to me anymore, because she blames my family for what happened at the hands of her son. My children and I are mostly ignored by the rest of the family as they would rather pretend that nothing happened. I also work for that sister, the situation is miserable. Last Christmas my children and I only had each other, while the rest of the family, all 28 of them, all had a wonderful Christmas Day together. I am dreading Christmas.
I have been separated from my husband for almost 10 years, and I gave him my house in the settlement. Now we are in unstable accommodation. It’s constant stress. My ex’s girlfriend now lives in my old house and my children are no longer welcome there because she doesn’t want them there.
All of my teeth are loose because of all my medication, and I don’t have the money to be able to do anything about it. I won’t cope at all with losing my teeth. It’s another thing I can’t fix.
Reading through this sounds like I’m being a selfish sook. But I feel the whole situation is hopeless and can’t be fixed. Although I would never do anything to myself because of my children, I wake up everyday and wish I didn’t. I just don’t want to be here and deal with this crap every single day. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
