Depression

Why is my BPD affecting me being able to hold a job

replies: 4

Hi so I recently got a job I quite enjoyed for about a month and then the second month felt like everything was an effort, I started getting anxiety attacks with the thought about working. These attacks would happen 2 days before I had to work. Yeste... View more

Hi so I recently got a job I quite enjoyed for about a month and then the second month felt like everything was an effort, I started getting anxiety attacks with the thought about working. These attacks would happen 2 days before I had to work. Yesterday I pulled up my drive way and broke down 1 hour before I had to work my mum saw me and called my boss saying I couldn’t come in anymore. Since then I have been extremely depressed and felt hopeless I’ve never been able to hold down a friend or a job without fearing I would lose it or just wanting to give up so it would make my life easier. Can someone tell me if this is normal and what I should do, perhaps share similar experiences or guide me?

depression

replies: 2

hi.I am experiencing no feelings in my heart.I cant feel love or happiness.i can only feel despair and cry.this has been goinv o for few months now.has anybody else had this problem.cause i dont know what to do .

I Feel so Alone

replies: 5

For some backstory, I have had diagnosed depression since I was 15, so 4 years now. I am used to the constant up and downs with my mood, and thought for the past year that I had decent control over my depression and was mostly fine. I thought that my... View more

For some backstory, I have had diagnosed depression since I was 15, so 4 years now. I am used to the constant up and downs with my mood, and thought for the past year that I had decent control over my depression and was mostly fine. I thought that my anxiety was all I had to worry about, so I didn’t even think of the depression. Recently however, I am finding myself in one of the worst depressive episodes I’ve had for a long time. I need help, but I’m still dependent on my mother, and I asked her to stop my psychology appointments so that she could afford help for her own issues. I can’t afford them for myself. We do get help paying for 10 sessions under the mental health plan, but we still have to pay a decent amount, and the mental health plan no where near covers how many sessions my psych recommended for me. I am scared where my thoughts are taking me. I’m not sleeping well, which I know isn’t helping, but I don’t have the motivation to fix it. I was getting jealously issues over my best friend hanging out with other friends, and I know it was toxic and unfair of me, so I have pushed all my friends away. I feel like I am a burden, and that I should slowly push away from them so it’s less painful for them. This is the hardest thing for me, because I feel so alone....but watching them talk and laugh together, hang out... it made me feel even more alone. My best friend is amazing, she has tried to help me so much and I know she loves me, so I don’t know why I let this jealously affect me so much. I just need someone to talk to. I don’t know where to go. I wish I had my psychologist but I don’t.

Anhedonia: the worst manifestation of treatment-resistant depression?

replies: 3

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I'm not sure what to expect. I guess I should tell you a bit about me before I pose some questions that I would really appreciate feedback on. I'm 48 (male) and battle treatment-resistant depression, gen... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting and I'm not sure what to expect. I guess I should tell you a bit about me before I pose some questions that I would really appreciate feedback on. I'm 48 (male) and battle treatment-resistant depression, generalised anxiety disorder and an alcohol use problem; all since I was in my early teens. It's been a very tough road navigating treatments (anti-depressants, anxiolytics, stimulants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilisers, ECT, TMS, CBT, interpersonal therapy, medications to address my alcohol use, etc.) and the devastating effects my condition has had on relationships. My anxiety is well-controlled with a non-benzodiazepine medication at the moment, but I expect to develop tolerance to it as has been my experience in the past. I eventually found a SNRI anti-depressant 11 years ago that prevents me from living in a crippling abyss of depression, but I'm left with persistent anhedonia that I now recognise has been the long-standing reason for my inability to define a direction for my life. With some unfortunate exceptions, I'm grateful for my privileged access to excellent medical professionals in Australia and in the US. I'm looking forward to consulting a psychiatrist who specialises in the treatment of mood disorders, anhedonia in particular, and would really like to hear about others' experience with anhedonia. Anhedonia is the (relative) inability to experience pleasure. Although not always present, is it the worst possible symptom of treatment-resistant depression? I think that it is. How can anhedonia be successfully treated? I was prescribed a selective dopamine receptor agonist, a good idea and supported for the treatment of anhedonia by a small number of clinical studies, but the risk of unpredictable "sleep-attacks" makes driving too dangerous and so I won't take it. How do you cope with anhedonia? In the long-term, it's paralysing for me and makes me periodically suicidal. Life without pleasure is very difficult to sustain. Is there any hope?

First Time Mum - PND

replies: 2

Hi, I became a mum for the first time last year to a beautiful little boy who I love to pieces, but I can't help but be envious of my old life. There is so much I miss about my life before DS (darling son), and I can't help but feel resentful towards... View more

Hi, I became a mum for the first time last year to a beautiful little boy who I love to pieces, but I can't help but be envious of my old life. There is so much I miss about my life before DS (darling son), and I can't help but feel resentful towards him sometimes. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over 10 years now, I manage with medication, but some days are just BAD. DS has been going through a really clingy/separation anxiety phase (even if you're right next to him, he wants to be held). Hubby works during the week so it's only me and DS throughout the day. The last couple of weeks has just been winging and winging mixed with teething (I hope), and last night it got the better of me and I snapped. I knew it was coming so I put DS in his cot where he would be safe, then I lost it. I through things, I shouted at my husband (who sadly is used to me having meltdowns) and I wanted to hit things. I try really hard not to hit things, so I push against a wall or door frame to expel the pent up energy. Hubby went to took care of DS which was great, but it also left me alone. I've always had Hubby to help hold me, or hold my hands and be there. This time I didn't. This led to resentment again towards DS for taking Hubby from me when I needed him. These thoughts then led to self-loathing and self-hate. I went for a drive. I cried for a good hour. I am going back to work next week for three days and I am so excited. Does this make me a bad mother for wanting to leave my child? I just don't think I am a good SAH (stay at home) mum. I'm hoping with me being back at work and having these breaks more often will make me a happier mum for DS. Thanks for listening. Just needed somewhere to vent. M

I never even met them (when mourning is invalidated)

replies: 1

I was doing really well after coming down from about of mania...and then on the 10th, the music world was informed of the sad news that the legendary drummer Neil Peart from Canadian trio RUSH had died of brain cancer. This is not a post to promote R... View more

I was doing really well after coming down from about of mania...and then on the 10th, the music world was informed of the sad news that the legendary drummer Neil Peart from Canadian trio RUSH had died of brain cancer. This is not a post to promote RUSH so all I am going to say is this band had a very intense fanbase who were personally invested in their music and the lyrics to their songs, which Neil Peart for the majority, was responsible for writing. Suffice it to say, as a fan I was devastated and have been for the last few days. I am sure we've all had similar experiences when a musician or entertainer who's art means a great deal to you dies, and the feeling of loss and heartbreak can be for some, just as intense as it would be had a close friend or relative passed. And while the vast majority of people I know have never heard of RUSH could see I was visibly saddened, and have approached me with compassion, to some people, the idea of me mourning over a person who I do not know personally and have never met, puzzles them. These people seem to be insulted that I'd be so upset over the death of an entertainer. And as such, I've relegated to trying to hide my pain, or just telling people who ask me what is wrong, that a friend of mine has died, as not to run the risk of my emotions being invalidated.

I feel trapped

replies: 2

I dunno how to explain this. I feel trapped by my depression, like it is some sort of cell clouding around my head, trying to feed me with everything bad in the world, my favourite band being bad, mad men controlling the superpowers, my parents fight... View more

I dunno how to explain this. I feel trapped by my depression, like it is some sort of cell clouding around my head, trying to feed me with everything bad in the world, my favourite band being bad, mad men controlling the superpowers, my parents fighting with each other every day... I feel sad. I feel angry, I feel like I want to cry and want to rage at the same time, but I feel exhausted every day. It feels like the same cycle and nothing that I think about will ever come true. I want to go places, see everywhere that I want to, be with my friends and then settle down and do a job that will help other people who are just like me, but currently I feel like nothing is going to get better. I'm on anti depressants, I have to take sleep medication because my thoughts keep running through my head, I have to see my therapist, psych and chologist every month, but it seems this ghost never goes away... What can I do? Am I going mad?

Starting the year depressed.

replies: 10

Hi everyone. For the past several years - i would say 2017 - till now i have been on a roller coaster of family troubles and depression. Throughout it all, i tried my best to make everyone smile but today i realized: who ever made the effort to make ... View more

Hi everyone. For the past several years - i would say 2017 - till now i have been on a roller coaster of family troubles and depression. Throughout it all, i tried my best to make everyone smile but today i realized: who ever made the effort to make me smile. My social anxiety has sky rocketed, my self confidence drained and my career has hit a brick wall. I am stuck and running in circles, i tried my best to brush it away but everything hit me when i tried something new for once - in a long time -. I decided to take a day for myself and hit the M7 bicycle track. It was wonderful and i haven't felt genuine peace like that in years. But with peace came the reality of my life. I warned myself i would change this year and i plan to do so. Hoping to volunteer for the RFS and possibly go back to TAFE to finish off my HSC and find a good career yet, my stomach churns and i feel this terrible anxiety when i think about these things due to the amount of communication i would be required to do. I am 24 and feel hopeless and lost. I know what i want, i know many people cannot say that, and yet here i am so depressed and scared of the simplest things that i feel trapped. Currently don't have a job, no income, was hoping to see a therapist to help me but when you're broke it just gets worse. I feel like a loser having to finish my hsc at the age of 24, I've been talking about it for five years and I've beaten myself over the head with excuses. I don't know what to expect here, i just hope it brings some relief...

Lashing out and losing friends

replies: 4

Hi all, I am guessing this topic might resonate. I've gone through a deep depression which was filled with both anxiety and depression and have come out the other side where I am in a very good place. However, I am still coming to grips with other fa... View more

Hi all, I am guessing this topic might resonate. I've gone through a deep depression which was filled with both anxiety and depression and have come out the other side where I am in a very good place. However, I am still coming to grips with other factors which contribute and keep me isolated from the outside world. The problem is, while I deal with these issues, I look back at where I was compared to today, and I am happy. The problem is, friends, family etc don't understand, nor do they when I try to explain it to them. I totally get that they want the best for me and they EXPECT the old me to return to "normal" life and be the person I was before. The problem is that the more they push and the more they show no understanding, the harder I push back. I know my isolation doesn't help because I tend to brood and let my anger get the best of me. It becomes infuriating that others think they know better than I do and I tend to lash out when people refuse to take my word on why I am living like I am doing. It is a great source of frustration for me and it gets to a point where I don't need this in my life. It's also caused friendships to end and family members to disassociate with me because I lash out. The really frustrating part is that while they think I am wasting my life away, I look at the progress I have made from basically not being able to get out of bed for two years and not wanting to face the day, to not being able to sleep some nights because I have something I look forward to the next day. In other words, I have created a life in my own little world or bubble that has me happy and content to a certain degree. It's not ideal and it looks far from ideal to outsiders. I try to explain that it is a process for me, but all they see is that I have wasted years of my life and I am not getting the help THEY think i should get. No matter what I say, they never understand. They think there is a magic wand that if I do what they want, I will return to the person I was. And as I said, it has caused a lot of relationships to end, which is the sad part. My problem is my anger because I take the attitude that you are either with more or against me. I'm sick of trying to explain myself.

Recently disability support pension

replies: 20

Hi I suffer from major Depressive and anxiety disorder and have been for the last 5 years. I have been on Newstart allowance and now they are giving me the runaround so I was told by them do apply for the dsp. My my question is has anybody recently a... View more

Hi I suffer from major Depressive and anxiety disorder and have been for the last 5 years. I have been on Newstart allowance and now they are giving me the runaround so I was told by them do apply for the dsp. My my question is has anybody recently applied for it and how’d you do?? I have an appointment tomorrow for a job assessment before they make a decision which I don’t understand and I’m already receiveing calls my a job employer wanting to book an appoint with them. Any tips ops you could give? I have given all my paper work in including letters from gp and psychiatrist. Just unsure if I have enough. I was read some forum posts from a couple years ago saying it was extremely hard so just want to know if anything’s changes? thabks

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