Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Croix,

I tried and tried but you had me stumped on that one!

In continuing in the spirit of worst joke Wednesday, here is another…

What did the mate of a man named Russell say when Russell’s pet marine mammal damaged the side of his house?

”You need a new wall-Russ.”

[Eagle Ray]

Why, at the end of an evenly matched tennis game, did two executives decide to quit their careers, don overalls and become mechanics?

Because it was a tie-breaker.

[Croix]

That wall-Russ joke punchline has excellent subject matter:)

in the same vein

What's the difference between an egg and a walrus?

An egg doesn't fight back when you're hungry.

[Eagle Ray]

Ha ha! For some reason that made me visualise an egg with tusks, aggressively fending off the hand of a human trying to get it out of the egg carton. Like a kind of egg/walrus hybrid. Oh dear, my bizarre  mind 🙃

What do you call a quirky chicken?

Egg-centric 

[Croix]

Tuskan scrambled eggs?

[Eagle Ray]

🤣The Tuskan scrambled eggs must mean the human won the battle with the hybrid egg/walrus.

[Emotions26]

I actually quite like this    I did not know where else to put it

Answering machine message             I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call

I am making some changes in my life   Please leave a message after the beep

If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes

[Croix]

A man with a piece of paper in his hand comes into an office...

another man is sitting next to a shredding machine.
"Do you know how to operate this thing?" he asks. "I have an important paper here and I want to make sure this is done right."
"Sure," the other man answers. "Just put the paper in here and press this button."
The first man does so, saying, "Great. And where do the copies come out?"

[Ggrand]

😂😂😂😂…Croix I had a giggle with that one..

The police just pulled me over, and the officer came up to my window and said “papers?”

I said “scissors, I win!” and drove off. He’s been chasing me for 45 minutes now, I think he wants a rematch.

[tranzcrybe]

An unfortunate accident occurred during scheduled maintenance at the effluent treatment plant where someone neglected to shut off the inlet valve.
Needless to say, the service team remained undeterred... I believe, for several hours.