Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Croix]

A golfer standing on a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner, “Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”

[Birdy77]

It had been raining hard all week and there were huge puddles in the streets and footpaths.

Outside a pub an old man stood beside a puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A guy heading into the pub asked what he was doing?

'Fishing,' replied the old man.

'Poor old fool' he thought, so he invited the old man to have a drink with him in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the guy asked the old man "So how many have you caught today?"

"You're the eighth."

[Croix]

Drink joke? OK

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0.The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

-C

[White_Rose]

Janet was lying in bed one night. Art was falling asleep, but Janet was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Janet asked.

"To get my teeth!"

[Croix]

> "To get my teeth!"

That's not funny!😯

-C (who, to look on the bright side, at least never has to visit a dentist again😀)

[Birdy77]

Alrighty, one apiece from me because it's Monday 😊

On Saturday night a patron left a rural pub in South Australia and started driving erratically in an easterly direction. The 2 highway patrol cops gave chase in their vehicle, but as the driver sped towards and across the NSW border, the cop who was driving slowed down and eventually pulled over. His partner asked "what are you doing mate, he's getting away!" He replied, "NSW is half an hour ahead of us, we'll never catch up to him now " ...

🥁

Q: Why did the dentist always seem in a bad mood?
A: Because he was constantly looking down in the mouth.

[IreneM]

Not quite Wednesday yet but how about a change in tone …

Q. Why are average things manufactured?

A. The Satisfactory!

[Birdy77]

I heard this morning that every single machine in the coin factory just mysteriously broke down all of a sudden, so weird, it just doesn’t make any cents!

[Croix]

Q. What did the diva do she she locked herself out?
A. She sang until she found the right key!

[Birdy77]

Q: Did you hear about the karaoke singer who sang in tune?

A: Neither did I.