Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[blondguy]

Not a joke...just an old fashioned tongue twister from my very pompous British dad...(may he RIP)

If a good cook could cook cookies

How many cookies could a good cook cook

If a good cook could cook cookies?

I won Tom T Hall's Greatest Hits in 1973 from 3KZ Victoria for that tongue twister 🙂

I am 100% certain that you wont find Tom T Hall in Croix's music collection 😉

[Odd_Duck]

well, it's my second time on here and all my jokes are very naughty so I hope I don't get chucked out already, but this is one of my favs....

Two leprechauns walk up to a convent and knock on the door.

The Mother superior answers and the first leprechaun asks her "Mother superior, Do you have any nuns our height at this convent?"(they were only 2 feet tall each) and the Mother superior says "No my son".

The second leprechaun wispers in the firsts ear and the first one asks "Mother superior, do you know of any nuns in the whole town that are our height?" and again the Mother superior says "No my son, not in the whole town"

The second leprechaun again wispers to the first (who is now holding back laughter) and the first asks with a giggle "Mother superior, are there any nuns in the whole country that are our height?" and the Mother superior replys with a bit of a huff " NO, my son there are NO nuns your size in the whole WORLD!" To which the first leprechaun bursts out laughing as his friend walks off looking very red in the face.

Between fits of hysterical laughter the first leprechaun yells out at the top of his lungs "Hey Shamus, I told you that you &%^$@# an emperor penguin!"

I'm sorry, I have a filthy mind 😜 please forgive me, humour gets me through the day.

[Croix]

Dear Paul~

you are are quite right, I do not have T T Hall in my collection, "A Week in a Country Jail” was enough to confirm we all have different likes at times.

Talking of tongue twisters:

'Etty, Henery and the Honorable 'Orace 'eld 'ands on 'Ampsted 'Eath for 'arf a Hour. is an elocution exercise (the speaker failed 😞

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Odd Duck~

Um, I'll produce a joke about a monastery...

One day many yeas ago a traveler broke down and was stranded near a monastery out in the middle of nowhere.

He knocked on the door, was admitted and allowed to spend the night.

That evening he was allowed to join all the monks in a truly delicious meal of fish and chips -cooked to perfection.

Wanting to show his appreciation the traveler went to the kitchen afterwards and spoke to a monk in an apron, saying "you cooked that fish to perfection"

The monk replied "Sorry, that monk over there is the Fish Friar, I'm just the Chip Monk"

-C

[Birdy77]

A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”

The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”

[Jojo100]

A woman went to the library and asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. The librarian replied “they’re behind you!”

[Jojo100]

An old granny gave the bus driver a packet of peanuts whenever she got on the bus.

This went on for a week until the bus driver eventually told her she didn’t need to do that and she should have them for herself.

Old granny replied: “that’s okay, I don’t have any teeth and just like to lick the chocolate off them!”

Jojo

[Croix]

I'm not sure I'll ever look at a chocolate coated peanut in quite the same light ever again 😞

I'll stick with safer ground - libraries

A woman walks into a library and asks “Do you have Great Expectations?”. The librarian says “I hope to be the manager by the end of the year”.

A chap walks into a library and asks for a cliff-hanger. The librarian says…

[Jojo100]

Sorry Croix for the chocolate peanut joke it was a bit 😝

Still along the confectionery theme:

Q: why did the M&M go to university?

A: because he wanted to be a smartie!

jojo

[Birdy77]

Alrighty, I'll go one apiece.

Q: what is the world's tallest building?

A: the library, because it has so many stories.

🥁

So, I went to the cake shop the other day and all the cakes were $5, except for one which was $10 & I asked the Baker why? He replied "that's Madeira cake" ...