Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Birdy77]

What sort of maths are some birds very good at?

Owlgebra.

[White_Rose]

Yes it's Thursday but any good joke is good on any day.

Nothing like a good Bible story to make your day.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
"She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
"She will praise you!
"She will bear your children, and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for just a rib?"
Of course the rest is history!!!!

[Croix]

Now Mary, You're just ribbing me aren't you?
-C

[Birdy77]

I did have a bone to pick with you Mary, about going off-topic ... but I'll let it be 😊

Going on with the religious theme:

Q: How do you make Holy Water?

A: You boil the hell out of it.

(And in case you need to know the scientific formula for the Holy Water, it's H2OMG).

[Croix]

Well if oyu are going to talk about holes, watery or not:

These two men are walking through the woods one day and they come across a big hole in the ground. Now this hole is huge, like some sort of endless pit. So the one man says to the other, “I wonder how deep this hole is?”
He then proceeds to pick up a rock and toss it in the humongous hole. They listen... nothing. The other man then grabs a large stick and throws it in.... Nothing.
At this point the two men are really intrigued over this large hole. So they look around a little for something bigger to throw in, and they come across a railroad tie. They both grab an end, walk it over to the hole, and throw it in.
The men are looking down the hole when all of a sudden they hear this noise in the woods. They look over and see this goat running all over the place. It’s ziging and zaging between trees and going all over the place. Then it runs right up and dives into the hole.
Now the two men are thinking, what on earth was that? They had no idea what that goat was doing. So they decide to just keep walking.
A little ways down they run into a farmer, and the farmer asks them if they’d seen his goat. The two men tell him that they saw a goat come running out of the woods and jump into this huge hole. But the farmer says that couldn’t have been his, cause he tied his goat to a railroad tie.

[Croix]

Last one too long? OK

Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side.

[Birdy77]

No, Sir Croix, it was not too long. It was just so very deep and so very holey, I goat stuck coming up with a reply baaaaaaad enough to kick butt, I kid you not.



Why did Adele cross the road?
To say Hello From The Other Side.

[Mr Ploppy]

Never mind about the other side. Just remember, where ever you go, there you are.

[IreneM]

A thought on the religious theme:

Q: Who is a friend of mine?

A: Anyone who can turn water into wine!

[Croix]

I suppose it is no use 'wine'ing it's not Wednesday 🙂