Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Croix]

How do you break the ice with an iceberg? Just give it a friendly wave!

[Eagle Ray]

How do you break the ice on a first date with an iceberg?

You tell a joke to crack it up.

[Croix]

Late again:(

Why did the teacher go to the eye doctor?

She was missing a pupil

[Croix]

A snake goes in to see the optometrist because his eyesight is failing.
“It’s actually affecting my life. I can’t hunt anymore because I can’t see.”

The doctor fits the snake for glasses and the snake immediately notices an improvement in his eyesight. A week later, the doctor calls the snake to check how the glasses are holding up.

“They’re fine,” the snake answers. “But now I’m being treated for depression.”

“Depression?” the doctor asks.

“Yeah, my eyesight cleared up, but it made me realize I’ve been dating a garden hose.”

[Ggrand]

Croix…😂😂😂😂…that was so funny…

[Croix]

Glad you liked it, have another:

Patient: I keep getting a stabbing pain in my eye every time I drink coffee

Optometrist: Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup?

[Eagle Ray]

King Frederik of Denmark had a spell cast on him that turned him into a dog. By what name was he known henceforth?

A Great Dane

[sbella02]

What do dogs say to each other before they share a meal?

Bone appetit!

[Croix]

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”
The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can”.
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together”.
So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realizes what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the heck is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

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[Eagle Ray]

Well done sbella and Croix. I think my next joke is aiming for the worstest as MK used to say.

Which is the laziest vegetable?

The couch potato 🛋 🥔