The Transcendent Rainbow Cafe - social space for LGBTI members

[Paul]

It would be so great to have a thread here where we can chat about almost anything. We can have fun, tell jokes, share stories, you name it!

There's a "BB Cafe" thread in the general area where lots of people chat daily and have established some nice light hearted conversations, it's treated as if it's a real cafe, there's even virtual baked goods and coffee!

Let's create a chat here for anyone to join, in particular the GLBTIQ community to let their collective hair down and chill out. It's a safe space to be yourself.

We just need a name 🙂

[Lonelydan]

Hey nixy360, welcome to the rainbow cafe. My name is Dan I'm a gay man live in Sydney I'm a survivor of sexual assault as a child and have depression, anxiety, and a few more I pay no attention to. When I was homeless I meet a lot of trans people so I understand all that goes on. I've seen how hard emotionally , physically it is. I hope you share your journey with us. I think you're one tough little cookie. Danny...

[Lonelydan]

Hi Raynor, just sending you a message to see how you are. Thinking about you hope you are well. How's things going with you psychologist. Danny...

[Raynor]

I've been absent and so many posts. Apologies for the bucket post.

Danny, your post about your friend made me smile. I don't know, I feel like there's something about relationships you have with people on the street that you just never get anywhere else. I don't know why, and nobody has ever *got it* when I've tried to explain it. Maybe to do with no expectations and no facades? Anyway, you brought back good memories for me, thanks 🙂

Inner Strength and Purple - I come from a very religious family (my father was a pastor) and have gone through a really long and laborious process of differentiating my spirituality from institutional religion, in order to reach a place where I can be comfortable in my skin and with who I am, and also spiritually connected. There are resources - others who have trod the same path if you're interested - Queer Theology is one - but Google and you will find more. Also F2F groups in Australia.

Welcome nixy - I'm non-binary/trans-masc in Melbourne. Pretty new here too but liking it 🙂

So for me, my less than great news is that my psychologist is saying he won't do a gender assessment for me. He says I can go to to someone else if I want to but his view is that whatever its results, I'm too dissociative to start T. He says it might help but it might not, and he thinks he needs to be more sure before he recommends it. He can't be sure because I'm so disconnected from my emotions and body and memories (according to him). He also said he's willing to work with me on the dissociation but it will take "a long time or maybe a very long time". I don't know what to do with this. I don't understand him and I'm not certain that he's not just generating fees - he charges $190 per session and most of what he's proposing won't be covered by Medicare. Blech!

[inner_strength_]

Hi Danny, thanks, appreciate you saying that. Can express myself but don’t seem to actively ‘fix myself’.

That is a special bond – you definitely do what you have to, couldn’t imagine that but definitely could imagine you would do anything for one another! That’s a harsh childhood, feel for you – sure that you are bloody strong because of it! If you don't think you are – you don’t give yourself enough credit for surviving through that

Oh great that worked out, would be so hard if she had to relive those darker days! Glad you guys can have piece of mind!

That is true, haven’t accomplished what feels like anything for years, just got harder as time went on but we figure out how to cope and really keep thinking life wasn’t meant to be too easy. Hope you are well!

[inner_strength_]

ha get what you mean. It freakin' sucks. As time goes on, really feel like 'stuff it'. Been with my partner for about 7 years but it is hard thinking about the future of marriage. Don't think it is sinful either. The protestors spread all the hate they possibly can, as if that is not bad turning people against the queer community. It is so tricky to be stuck between wanting to live your life for your own happiness and no one else's and not feeling like you are doing what you should.

Don't know. It's complicated and frustrating to have to carry guilt for loving someone.. not murdering or whatever.

Definitely agree with you about love. There really can only be one love. What do you mean about women raping women? Interested. Do know that a reading that people refer to as 'hate towards gays' refers to man lying with boy but refers to pedophilia over men sleeping together but don't know too much and interested in reading it through..

Yes it makes sense for the most part. We have evolved drastically in open-mindedness and independence. Honestly, have never looked far into the readings regarding sexuality but didn't know that

Don't mean to bring up the fear, just was on my mind at the time. There is a number of videos that have give me a little more hope regarding this, this being one of them on YT: Should Homosexuals Be Allowed to Marry? The Big Questions. Honestly, it can be scary but as long as we do our best to be good to ourselves and others.. we also deserve good in return.

Possibly, it is hard. For me, being brought up in a Catholic household and going to Catholic schools feels like I'd been moulded in to a 'lovely girl' that is what people want to picture but I'm so far from sweet and innocent in the sense that I'm independent and open-minded in my thoughts and speak my mind. Think it has alot to do with being surrounded by alot of death. Feel in a way, guilty typing that .. feel like I've broken free in the last number of years and feeling more like myself but also feeling guilt-ier..

Yes, it is crazy what our minds make us think and how it can hinder us too! Don't apologise. One thing, about guilt - use to say sorry ALL the time, once or twice someone said why do you keep saying that and from then, just kept replacing it with unapologetic words! Sure, having a slip up every now and then but don't be bloody sorry just speak your mind! Yes, that is good for that reason!

[inner_strength_]

Gah yes! Struggled to start things too because fear that it won’t be good enough and perfect too many drafts but don’t really finalise the drafts.. it definitely comes down to complex thinking and overthinking and you might relate to this but, found that it was linked to having been critiqued over and over since can remember by my parent about everything…. It is hard but distance myself in order to avoid hurt.. Got really bad and is bad every time I’ve visited. You have to do what you can to make yourself okay! Maybe you’ve suppressed someones critiques without realising or perhaps it is just mental health/anxiety?

Definitely, I’m the same. It is hard. Like I’d mentioned. Feel it is ‘natural’ to dwell on past hurt and hard to move on and believe in yourself.

Yes, anxiety is very difficult but in some ways makes us ‘feel in control’. My OCD has come back from when I’d been much younger and that’s hard but guess it is the control thing…Was told that after recovering from an eating disorder.

Like your analogies ha!

Can understand that! Yes, that definitely makes sense! Anxiety although makes us overthink, does give/allow us common sense!

Yes, it is a shame. Think fear plays a much larger part plus guilt and overthinking that our decisions aren’t as quick or to the point as they could’ve been!

Don’t know about Osher! Could you tell me?

[inner_strength_]

Hi nixy360,

Glad you found this forum! Had been welcomed by these lovely members not long ago – welcome to you!

Mental health is harsh – feel for you! Glad your depression is being treated successfully!

Hope that is goes well for you! You aren’t alone, we are here for you! Just remember you are doing what makes you happy and who you are and that you are strong!

Good luck with the weight loss! Be kind to yourself with any small weight loss!

Hope you are well!

[inner_strength_]

Hi Raynor,

Geez! That really is a religious family ha. That is very strong of you, that must have been very challenging. You are strong. Have wanted to, as well in one way or another, find the spiritual side of me. Thank you so much, appreciate you mentioning - will have to check it out! It is really so difficult.

You don’t have to say of course, but, how have you coped with any guilt from moving away from religion? Hope that you’ve had support.


Inner Strength

[inner_strength_]

realised - don't usually like to call it OCD. Just obsessions.

Don't want to act as though it is there, even though it is hard to avoid.

Ha!

[Raynor]

inner strength,

"You don’t have to say of course, but, how have you coped with any guilt from moving away from religion? Hope that you’ve had support."

I had to figure out for myself what I believed and what mattered to me and the way I wanted to live. Once I figured that out (which took years) I no longer felt any guilt at all. I did most of it on my own because I wanted it that way - I didn't want to be influenced by anyone else. But after I got to a certain point, I looked for others who'd taken a similar path and to my surprise, found a whole bunch of them. There isn't one Christianity, any more than there's one Islam or any other system of belief and culture.