Hey Paul,
I read that you got into macro photography during lockdowns. So did I! I discovered all manner of critters in my backyard. Different kinds of flies, wasps, spiders, geckos, skinks, dragonflies, beetles etc. It was like discovering a whole new world. There was one grevillea bush that was like a big hotel for small creatures. Everywhere I looked on it I'd see something new. It was actually fascinating and I never got bored during lockdown.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your girlfriend and I understand that would contribute to anticipatory anxiety. I think taking those small steps like Kitty says can be a good way to go, not putting pressure on yourself and just going gently. Once you've accomplished a bit of an expedition you can tell your nervous system, "it's ok now, that was fun and I got to take photos of stuff". I find the whole process of photography so enjoyable, from planning photo shoots to getting absorbed while doing it to the excitement of loading them onto the computer and then the fun of editing them. I am truly an addict! But of things you can get addicted to I think it is one of the healthiest.
Bless your beautiful mum. She has lived through some historically harrowing times which no doubt would have greatly impacted her. When you mentioned her giving up the cigarettes just 2 years ago and her recent lung function test being perfect, it made me think of a tv news story I remember from several years ago. There was a lady who reached 100 and still lived on her farm. She said her secret to longevity was beer and bananas 😂 She also liked to practise her rifle shooting by shooting cans off a fence post! Such a delightful character. I think having character and spirit may be one the secrets to a long, happy life.
I do wish you the best Paul and hope you get some great photo adventures. I no longer live in the city but when I did I was a member of a camera club and I did find that quite good for meeting other photographers. We met twice a month and there was a competition at the second meeting each month. It would be around a theme and so you would look at your existing images or try to create new ones to fit the theme. It might be something like angles and curves, solitude, silhouettes, macro etc. There was also an open section, so two sections to enter each month. It was fun. Some participants took it rather seriously, especially as a guest judge would come to judge to competition. But I saw it all as a great learning curve and fun. So there might be options to explore something like that and go out with other photographers from time to time. I also was part of a photography Meetup group for a while and went on photo expeditions with them. That was good as we did things like astrophotography at night at a lake in the hills away from the city, where I might have felt a bit vulnerable being out there on my own but felt safe with other people.
Just some thoughts anyway. Of course photography can be a great solitary activity too. I find when I do wildlife photography it often works well on my own as I can be quiet and discrete and take as a long as I want to wait for birds and animals to appear (which for me can be a long time as I am quite patient).
Always lovely talking with you Paul. May you find healing and joy in your creative endeavours!
All the very best,
ER
