Middle, mature, elderly aged person...lonely & living alone...Needing someone to talk to?..Let’s be here for each other.

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone....🤗.

have noticed that a lot of mature aged and elderly people are living alone and overwhelmed by loneliness...I though I would make this thread to give and receive support to each other as well as a place where we could also chat about any thing you want to chat about...so we can all get to know each other...Life’s not as lonely with others to talk to....forum friends can be a big help for us in not feeling so alone...

Share some tips, exercise, gardening, favourite meals, recipes, books your reading, hobbies, what you like doing.....pets and their impact they have in your life....anything at all you feel that would help other people struggle with living alone.💐...and loneliness..

I have a volunteer day..one day a week, which gets me outside of my home and into a different atmosphere where I can talk to the other volunteers and sometimes even customers, when I venture into the shop...Do you volunteer yourself somewhere...

I have 2 little Maltese x Yorkshire..that are my companions, they help me to get out of bed each morning to care for them....when really all I want to do is stay in bed.....

Please feel free to talk about what your interests are or how your traveling right now..

Looking forward to getting to know you...

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy & all.

Lately, I've been trying to look after myself better than I have ever done.

When I was young, I didn't care about myself, deeply, never gave myself any sort of care or consideration.

While my body felt fine, no pains or much that interfered with things I was doing, I thought nothing about my health, eating well, or anything else. I didn't mind, when I was slowly gaining a little weight. I used to be thin, maybe underweight, I don't know. I wasn't uncomfortable with it until after I quit smoking & gained more weight & was having to find clothes in the plus size sections. That wasn't about my health, but about inconvenience.

I thought nothing about being attractive, or any need to 'maintain' my attractiveness, & not 'let myself' go for anyone.

The attention I already had was not for my benefit or health as it was, so I really couldn't be bothered.

All those people are not in my life now.

...

*to be continued, even though I'd not reached the 2500 mark. (2402 in fact.)

[mmMekitty]

...

My PDr has been trying to get me to understand my value, just being me. 'Intrinsic value', he says, everyone has intrinsic value.

& asking me if doing something or not is of benefi to me in  my best interest, etcetera. I think he's getting through to me.

Like in no way does it help me to complain about how uncomfortable & unwell I feel in my body, if I'm not doing things I can, to improve my health, such as the eating better, exercising, & even being more careful about when my emotions get too intense for my mental health. I have to make choices in my own best interest.

I think, people our age were taught to look after everyone else first. Women had been expected to provide the meals for the family. That's how things were. & now, when an older woman no longer has a hubby, kids are grown, & may not have grandkids around, what is she to do? I think many older women feel alone & of little value without fulfilling the needs of others.

Alone now, why not fulfill your own needs? Preparing & eating healthy meals can be a wonderful thing to do for yourself. Rememerm while cooking, you are caring & being kind to yourself.

I've been thinking, it does feel good to make a salad, a soup, a meal with not so much pasta or simply with more vegies instead. While doing this I'm thinking, 'I am caring for myself' & that feels f'ing good.

That's why I've been talking about it so much. It's hard, but definitely, I am worth ny effort.

If I don't? Too many distressing possibilities.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Fiatlux]

Hi Grandy,

When I was 10 years old, I starting preparing dinner for the family as both parents worked. My dad was strict about having dinner at 6:00pm sharp. 

I kept up this routine when I got married. Although I returned to work when my youngest was 1, this made family meal time difficult as I got home at 6pm. My children had dinner prepared by their grandmother most nights, except weekends when I cooked and baked and loved it.

As the kids finished high school their own routines where all over the place. I did my best to cook large meals and everyone ate when they got in. It got harder when they were ordering meals or eating out. I found that so much food was going to waste and being thrown out. So I stopped cooking for them. Even now as I live in a house with my husband and 25 year old son, we very rarely eat together. We also seem to be doing our own grocery shopping. Husband and son often will visit his mother and have dinner their several nights a week. So I am happy with my solo salad for one!

My husband has very specific dietary needs and I am quite frankly sick of catering to him. It’s NO longer my job. His mother can take care of his needs.

I have been on a diet for the past month as I am trying to shift a few extra winter kilos. But I do get creative with my salad ingredients.

The worst part of my son and husband cooking is the awful mess they leave in the kitchen. My son especially will cook late at night and leave kitchen and stove top looking a fright. I have no idea how anyone person can make such a mess for 1 steak! I don't miss the cleaning up and washing up at all.

You can make healthy meals for one, you just need the ingredients and they don't have to be cooked either. 

Have a lovely, healthy week everyone.

[mmMekitty]

Hi Fiatlux, grandy & all,

Hope you don't mind me asking, why doesn't hubby cater for his own needs? & why is is his Mum? With so many male chefs (compared to everyone elsde), why isn't he doing his own cooking? I hope he does not use the excuse that the kitchen is the woman's domain.

I might have lerned a lot from my (ex-)step-mother, if I could have stood to be in the same room with her for more than a few minutes, usually while she was criticising & berating me,

My father had his simple pleasure meals or snacks, like popcorn, which I could still cook if I wanted. I've made some adjustments to the omelette he liked, to suit my own tastes.

After learning some basic things, I think it's fine to play around with ingredients, or even the basic method.

As I've said before, my benchmark of acceptability is if it is edible, it's fine.

It was far more common when I was a child, for the man of the house to expect his wife to have her placing his dinner on the table when he sat down. Nothing else seemed so important as that - including if she didn't know exactly when he'd be home on Friday evening, after he would go to the pub with his fellow workmates, for a few beers, & drive home, eventually. 

My parents both worked, & continued when we came to Australia. My father had his workshop at home, so there was no driving involved. He did still like his beer.

It didn't matter if she came home at around the same time as he stopped working for the day, (yes, around 6pm), she still tried to have the dinner served up very soon after. We kids did the bulk of the work - she'd only had the finishing touches to do herself. Yet, it was still HER meal.

Why people take these 'rules' to heart, that if the routine is not maintained then ther's hell to pay, really seems odd to me.

When I was young, we did have meals together, but very little talk was allowed, except for "Please pass the ..." & "Thank you".

Things naturally change as kids grow up & are not at home at dinner time. It would be appreciated if they would tell someone if they had intended to not be home, or they joll well had better be. I'm sure the food wastage was a factor in this.

mmMekitty

[Fiatlux]

To answer a few of your questions, mum-in-law now 83, is widowed and frail, doesn't drive, lives alone. Son looks in on her everyday and helps with shopping etc. so she cooks while she still can. She enjoys their visits.

As for my own late Father, my dad was a cook and did so professionally and domestically. My mother was the baker and pastry chef. I had good teachers.

Cooking on the home front, husband and son do shop and cook but the clean up is mostly left to me. Son is the worst. I just find that when I cook the kitchen is left clean. I am so over cleaning the stove top! When I moved out on my own, it was bliss. I had 1 plate to wash up. 

I am not mean when it comes to cooking. Last night I made a stir fry with rice and made enough for everyone. It takes just as much energy to cook for 3 as it does for one. Any left overs I will have for lunch today. I am still deciding what to do for dinner. I generally look in the fridge and use up whatever is there. I hate food waste!

Have a lovely day BB Friends!

[Fiatlux]

Hi Grandy and everyone visiting this discussion,

I forgot to ask how the volunteering is going. I noticed on another thread that you were having a few difficulties. The heavy lifting being just one. Have you been able to resolve this issue. You know that there are guidelines and restrictions for moving heavy items. I did a lot of OH&S training in my line of work. I mentioned that my daughter did volunteer with Vinnies a while ago and there were several younger gentlemen who did the bulk of the heaving lifting and moving. Please do not hesitate to ask for assistance from others.

On another matter, are you going to be seeing your sons and / or grandchildren over the holidays?

I am already dreading Christmas time. I don't feel motivated to do anything. For my eldest's son's sake, I am going to push through it and do something however. As he now lives alone in my apartment he feels left out, as all his friends are spending Christmas with family. I don't want him to be alone on this day. He and his brother do not see eye to eye. They are so very different. He eldest dropped in to see me yesterday and it was nice until husband and younger son decided to join in and then take over the conversation. I had to ask them to stop!

When my son was leaving I walked him out to his car and he asked me "how the hell do you put up with that?" referring to his younger brother's disrespect and his father's inability to respect other's opinions. I answered that I don't speak to them unless I absolutely have to. We can't sit around a table for a quiet meal together. 

I don't know if you have ever had to deal with anything like that. The boys were close but have drifted apart and have nothing in common at all. I am scared to have them all here at Christmas. Even if I get a cold ham and do something simple my younger son will be very critical.

Sorry about my long rant and hope you are well. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Fiatlux, and everyone….🤗..

I do try my best, to be mindful of my back/hip/leg and shoulders when I’m lifting heavy bags…I’m okay with the bags etc on top of other bags, it’s mor the bottom layers of bags that is harder for me…I’m already bent over in the blue bin, then to constantly bending down even more to collect the ones of the floor is the hardest….Betty does the bins with me, but I cannot let her do the bending or picking up heavy bags as she is quite elderly…I am one of the younger girls their…that being said I’m past mid 60’s  by a couple of years….No men seem to want to volunteer at our shop😁…

No, I’m not seeing any of my sons or grandchildren again this year…I will be staying at home alone….probably do a marathon of Christmas movies I like….I really don’t like Christmas, at least the commercial side of it..,which always portrays perfect and loving families all sitting around the Christmas tree or dinner table together having great times….Life isn’t like that, well not for me anyway….never was, late hubby hated Christmas, took himself every Christmas to a beach and left me alone with my children, no Merry Christmas, no goodbye, no presents, no special food…nothing!…I feel grateful that my children can now enjoy Christmas with their children and have a good time them….I really am very happy they have turned their Christmas’s around 369 deg…

That’s beautiful, you doing something special for you’re eldest child…Same with my children, they were close when they were younger, but are both totally different people, I am sure it’s because of the way hubby would favour one over the other, then reverse that favour when the time was right, to cause ill feelings between them…

I really am so very sorry and saddened that you’re going through so much hurt and heartbreak Fiatlux…..Christmas seems to make things a lot worse, for depressed, estranged and/or mentally unwell people….idk, maybe because of the expectations set by the media and those happy* families portrayed in TV advertising…

I am going to plant a tree today, it’s only small right now....it’s a Silver Oak I bought at a garage sale..I’m hoping it will grow healthy and eventually birds will start nesting in it when it gets bigs enough…

Hope everyone is having a good day today..

Love with lots of care and hugs..

Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

I try to do some Xmas for myself. Like you, Grandy, I may listen to a couple Xmas stories, like, A christmas Carol - hope I find a good reading of that, & I might find some other, preferably, quirky type of stories. & some music too, jazzy versions of Xmas songs.

I make myself a special Xmas meal for lunch & dinner, having foods I usually don't have. I'm trying to keep away from the super-sweet or salty or fatty things, this year. That is a challenge, in itself, keeping to healthy choices, & making it seem sumptuous at the sam time. 

I have gone to a couple community events & have enjoyed others around me having fun, singing, laughing, & just being together, outdoors, after not having these events tor a couple years, feels really good.

I have one more party to go to, where I may catch up with a few people I've not seen for the last few years. We'll smile & pretend like we really care. That's what I call casual good cheer.

& I buy myself something. I already did, I guess, when I bought a new back pack, then the new office chair, which I've needed for a long time, & a new recliner, which makes room enough for the elliptical cross trainer, when I get that. (Still in the NDIS pipeline, whethr or not they will help fund that.) So, I spent big this year.

My family are everywhere, now, & I am not really inclined to get together with any but my sis, her hubby & her son, if he could visit from WA back to Qld... If they were doing that for Xmas, just them, I would. But my sis said they thon't do Xmas; it's just another day.

I like to have an excuse to be silly, to joke & have a little fun with it all. I mostly like the silly Xmas song, & the sillier stories the better. Some things being so awful I feel I must laugh.

We can try to be here for eachother over the 'silly season'. I'm trying to be - especially for those who feel the left out, lonely & abandoned. I can't make up for everything people miss at this time of year, but, I think, together, we can make these weeks a little easier to bear.

Hugzies, to  you, Grandy, your furbabies, to Fiatlux, & everyone.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hello everyone,

It has been a long time - since before Xmas last year.

I was going to post a nice update & have lost what I wrote.

I am thinking more & more about the idea of having more support workers, maybe even for personal care. That feels daunting to me. Just having people around me more often & for longer hours when they are is unsettling. It's something I will need to do sooner rather than later. 

I'd rather not have people cooking for me, or to have pre-cooked meals delivered, because of the way I want to eat more healthily. I have done some research anyway, but still, I don't think I can have the food I want.

I've just done another NDIS review meeting, requesting more hours. It will take a while to find out what will be approved, so I've got a little more time to think about it.

In the meantime, I would still like to find another place to live where I will feel more comfortable, at least to get out of my flat & sit in the sun, or to walk around for more exercise. My search hasn't been going well.

I'm wondering, how do other older people feel about seeing a younger GPs specialists or health workers? Do you feel they understand & listen to you the same as an older person would? Any thoughts about this, please?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[quirkywords]

Kitty

I only just saw this thread. Grandy what a great idea and nit sure why I missed it.

I find it is not the age of a medical professional but rather their attitude to me.

I do not like to be ignored or patronised. 
i also find some health professionals may see May years of lived experience not having any weight.

Also people by not be alone but they be lonely.