Middle, mature, elderly aged person...lonely & living alone...Needing someone to talk to?..Let’s be here for each other.

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone....🤗.

have noticed that a lot of mature aged and elderly people are living alone and overwhelmed by loneliness...I though I would make this thread to give and receive support to each other as well as a place where we could also chat about any thing you want to chat about...so we can all get to know each other...Life’s not as lonely with others to talk to....forum friends can be a big help for us in not feeling so alone...

Share some tips, exercise, gardening, favourite meals, recipes, books your reading, hobbies, what you like doing.....pets and their impact they have in your life....anything at all you feel that would help other people struggle with living alone.💐...and loneliness..

I have a volunteer day..one day a week, which gets me outside of my home and into a different atmosphere where I can talk to the other volunteers and sometimes even customers, when I venture into the shop...Do you volunteer yourself somewhere...

I have 2 little Maltese x Yorkshire..that are my companions, they help me to get out of bed each morning to care for them....when really all I want to do is stay in bed.....

Please feel free to talk about what your interests are or how your traveling right now..

Looking forward to getting to know you...

Grandy..

[Moonstruck]

Hi mmMekitty....no one has ever asked me that before..."have I had mulberries?"......well when very small, I recall someone, perhaps my own family, or a relative's had mulberries.  I was never that fond of eating them from the garden because of the stain...as you know they're notorious for leaving their luscious purple streaks everywhere....but I also faintly recall enjoying them in desserts my mother obviousy made...mulberry pie perhaps...or mulberries with sort of custard I think.....by my recollections being so haze I would imagine I was very very small...so yes I've had mulberries ..once..a long long time ago.....x

[Moonstruck]

Dear Grandy...you sound much more resourceful and creatively busy than I am...you put me to shame. Planted a mulberry bush, made a terrarium with the smooth grey rock with peace written on it...how lovely.  I wouldn't have a clue how to make a terrarium.

I am so very tired today from doing quite a bit of work....my old boss asked me to help him out again some months ago...and I did, thinking it would be just that one time.....but of course it's getting more and more. Just finished quite a lot, which will come in so handy with pocket money, especially as I am going away for few days for my birthday in couple of months......and then...instead of feeling satisfied and acknowledging myself, I feel guilty don't I..?....for needing to do housework and garden work..and I am just so very tired.   

reaching this "old" birthday coming up...my body just won't work as well for me any more.  Ordinary housework can cause too much pain......so I feel guilty.  I seem to expect so much of myself Grandy....why won't I give myself a break and be gentle with myself?....Keep doing what you are doing...it is obviously working for you my friend...love Moon S

[mmMekitty]

Hi Moon, Gramdy & all

I think that's a very good question, "why won't I give myself a break and be gentle with myself?"

There must be many answers people could give to that question. I'd like to hear what you tell yourself.

For me, there came a time when I realised, I couldn't keep up with the housework, not with how my back hurt doing much of it & with how doing it was triggering for me, due entirely to my (ex-)step-mother’s treatment of me, which is a problem I've not been able to entirely sort out.

Given my limits, I needed help with some. I might have persisted & gradually everything would have gone downhill, including those things I could do, & I might never have had Mekitty, & the help I do now. Hard as it was, the gentler option was to get help with the housework.

I don't' mind so much if people see my place anymore & I don't feel her over my shoulder so much anymore.

I think lots of people face more limits as they grow older. The body's ability to repair itself is not as efficient as it once was. Often one or more of our faculties decline. I know my memory is awful compared to how it was when I was young.

If we haven't cared well for ourselves in the past, it seems to catch up with us more & more. I'm feeling that for sure!

I think my reason for not being gentle on myself, not prioritising my own health or what I need in my life, is simply I have felt I was not worth such consideration. Where'd I get that idea? From people around me, not ME - no, I never asked myself what do I want & need? The question I ask myself now is: 'is this in my best interest?' The answer helps with decisions about my life. It incorporates the distinction between want & need, too.

For some people, if they begin to notice they can't do things as they used to, it means something to them. Maybe:

They have failed.

They are lazy.

They are slobs.

These are just a few things people tell themselves, it seems to me, when they don't feel good about themselves. Should feeling good about oneself be, at least in some part, measured by how well they keep house or if they need help doing so?

Please, what are your thoughts?

& guess what, I forget a whole lot of detail about my early childhood. I think it's rare to recall a lot of detail.

Hugzies all round,

mmMekitty

[Fiatlux]

Hi All

Just thought I would pop in and catch up. It has been a while since I felt a little positive within side myself. Spring weather has been erratic to say the least. I did get a lot of planting done. Most survived the snails.

mmMekitty, you ask a very serious question about, being a lazy unmotivated slob. All of which I am and have been and can be. I am overwhelmed by the enormity of every task, unless it's a basic, wash dishes task.

I have allowed my eldest son to move into my vacant apartment. I say vacant as it is fully furnished but has been empty for a while. I have however moved a lot of my personal belongings back to the house and I have dozens of packing boxes pilled up in my front living room. It will probably stay there for quite some time. Likewise, my many items of clothing, shoes etc are pilled up in crates everywhere in the bedroom. I have too much stuff. Most I will donate or throw out. When the mood hits me, I will declutter again.

I need to do some much overdue Spring cleaning. Windows especially. I cleaned the bathrooms and windows at my apartment and vacuumed, ready for my son to move in and I felt like I had run a marathon afterwards. And my back was so sore. I still want to clean the kitchen for him. He's not a great housekeeper. He starts a new job first week of November and I am hopeful that he keeps this one.

Have a glorious day everyone, I really should get back to work... FiatLux

[Ggrand]

Dear everyone..hello and hugs 🤗…

When I had a support worker visit me weekly, I would always make sure on that day my house was clean and tidy…since August, when my support worker told me…that others are waiting for support and dumped me….my house is hardly ever clean anymore…Like you mmMeKitty, house work triggers me big time…and it gets really hard to clean it…but I do have days that I will get stuck into it and it looks nice…..those days are rare…My last visitor was in mid August with my support worker…..Now I don’t really have anyone to clean it for….except me…and most times I just can’t bring myself to doing it..

I think feeling good about ourselves…isn’t about how clean we keep our home, it’s more about how we treat people, I never felt good about myself for over 60 years…in childhood, and my adult married life…but since being here on BB (5 years) and working in the shop (4 years) and helping people…yeah I do get twinges of feeling good about myself…before I ventured out into doing these 2 things…I think I had a lot of hate for myself…I still do dislike (for better words) myself when triggered back into those memories…which thank God isn’t as often as it used to be…

continued…wound let me post all of it..

[Ggrand]

Caring for ourselves comes in all different ways…feeding ourselves when we’re hungry..even sometimes making a meal that we love, when physically in pain, taking some pain relief, even when we get dressed, brush our hair and teeth are all ways for caring for ourselves…what about buying that yummy treat for ourselves every so often, reading a book we want to, watching that tv show we want to, ..again it’s caring for ourselves…if we are depressed and we stay in bed…yep again we are in a way caring for ourselves…Maybe these sound insignificant ways of caring for ourselves, but in reality it is…caring for ourselves…

Being gentle on ourselves, I think is harder because we seem to critique ourselves unfairly…We can only do our best, if things don’t turn out the way we want them to or we envisioned them to…That’s okay because we did our best and that’s good enough…

We all need to accept and like/love ourselves for the person we are today…and today only…yesterday is gone…yes bad choices may have been made, which were lessons learnt, or bad things happened to us….which has effected how we live our lives today….and it’s hard sometimes to live in today…..but tomorrow…well that can look after itself for now…because for today, tomorrow even though we think about it…hasn’t arrived yet…today is the most important day of our lives…it’s the day we are living in…and it’s the day that we are who we are…

Please be gentle, kind, compassionate, loving and kind to yourself…We are all we got for ourselves….if we are not these things towards ourselves…then who will be?…

Hugs beautiful people…🤗💙.

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Thank you Grandy... both beautifully said & just what I needed to be reminded of right now

Hugs

Paws

[ecomama]

Hey Grandy, love to you & everyone reading. Hugs. 

Strange that so many of us, in different threads, are talking about topics like: "our" negative, scathing, inner talk, self-criticism, etc etc. 

What are the remedies? So many answers on so many levels & my research is only that. Not comprehensive nor exhaustive. Meaningful to me though! 

I find myself wanting to go deeper into these concepts & the links between them, because telling any one to just get up & do it is not helpful AT ALL! Just ADDS more of the same. 

I think perfectionism is the root evil. Comparison is it's lieutenant lol. 
Thankfully I've never been a perfectionist & never cared to compared myself to anyone, ever. 
So it's strange for me when it comes up anywhere, esp within my children, my friends since like forever! & here on the forums. 

My school friends whom I'm still in touch with have tried in vain to MAKE me a comparative being & I can't do it lol. Some are SO perfectionistic (Huh? that's a real word? Eeek! lol). 
I don't want to either. I REFUSE to buy in. 
It's always been an extremely pointless waste of time for me lol.
These distract US from our paths. The journeys WE alone are forging! 

Brene says these are the destroyers of authenticity. 
Now after almost 60y of being their friend, WOW I can see the extreme dysfunction in their families that they call on me for help with. Many have passed, those "still with me" have horrendous health prognoses. 

I'm NOT saying this to be vain or ever hurtful to any one, ever. Simply my own longitudinal study in efforts to help those I love. 

There's more, no words left. 

LOVE EMxxxx

[ecomama]

Good morning lovelies, hugs! 

I read the previous posts and saw my beautiful friends here beating themselves up about not doing this or not doing that, woah there! 

Why? 

Inner self talk - negative inner talk. 

Interrupt this thinking! 
Count backwards 5 4 3 2 1. 
Reset. 
Replace with, I'm wonderful, I'm kind, I'm freaking AWESOME. Yes me too BUT I'm saying this to all of YOU! 

When someone LOVES us, they make a cup of tea (lol), give us a HUG (I let go last lol) and sit with us, listen to us. HEAR us. 
Spend a bit of time listening to the words, write them down if you have to, then put an arrow > to WHO said things like that, because I'll bet my house it wasn't YOU. It was someone else. 

When you're done, screw that paper up and burn it lol. 

Sure have a cry if you need to, tears are healing you. 

Replace those comments with WHO YOU really are! 
Because you're wonderful, generous, wild at heart, happy! 

Its just gets covered with everyone else's layers for a while, you can rip those layers OFF and allow your beautiful self to BLOOM. 

You've got this! 
LOVE EMxxxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone….🤗..

Been thinking about something and thought I would talk it out on this thread…

When hubby was alive I would cook each night a healthy dinner for us both, when the children were living with us the same cooking would be done…if my children ever visited me…I know I would cook something healthy for them….probably I would have to go to the shop first to buy something….

Now living alone, a sandwich, a frozen TV dinner, poached eggs on toast and my fav cheese and tomato toastie are my normal for dinners….yes their are times my motivation is high and I’ll cook a healthy meal…

.The topic of conversation at work was about dinners and lunches…The ladies who have husbands  at home, each night cook healthy meals…The ladies who are widowed or divorced and living on their own, don’t cook meals..they are like me…quick easy meals to zap or sandwiches, hot chips etc….

Why do we stop cooking or preparing healthy meals for ourselves?… are we not worth it?… Why have we lost that motivation to look after ourselves by way of preparing healthy meals?….Did we only cook healthy meals to please our husbands/children etc…out of habit…I know some people here have always lived alone, I’m wondering if you did cook healthy meals for yourself at a time for many years…but as you got older you started not wanting to cook for yourself?…

Why are we doing this to ourselves?…..I’ve asked so many questions I know….. for me I just can’t be bothered, even though I know I’m doing damage to my health I just can’t get motivated enough to return to cooking healthy meals each night…

Is it because, we are eating our meal without company? 

What are your thoughts on this and do you cook healthy nutritional foods regularly?

My kind thoughts with some friendly caring hugs..🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗..