Croix Parler

[Croix]

I'd like to use this pace for miscellaneous matters that don't fit elsewhere or you think I might help

Thanks

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I know we are swapping quotes and I'll get to that in a moment, first I would like to know how you are managing, now the actual ceremonies and so on are quietening down can come a difficult time -that is my experiences anyway.

I think the one on one also the group ideas are worth looking into. Even while there are restrictions most of the groups I know have moved over to Zoom or similar, and that has worked surprisingly well, needing little computer or phone skill to do.

Perhaps our 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) may know of one in your area

Now back to quotes:

How about " There Is Nothin’ Like a Dame" which can become an ambition.

Do you realize just in the non-bowling world such persons as Twiggy, Judi Dench and Barbara Windsor have achieved 'damehood'. I wonder if there is an equivalent for you.

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Did you see Tea with the Dames.?...with Judi, Maggie Smith and Eileen Atkins. another lady bowler and I went to it and it's so good to listen to a conversation with which we both could identify so well....

Dame Twiggy....yeah has a lovely ring to it . She hasn't got one has she? What the hell for? Dame Lesley Hornby (her name) doesn't sound any better. Oh well, she did snag Hayley Mills former love, Leigh Lawson (father of Hayley's second son)....Twiggy and Leigh were in the movie Madame Souzatka with Shirley MacLaine, so there's another movie for you to look up.....(God I am a fountain of trivia am I not?)

****** BB can't locate a support group which meets in my town but perhaps I might find one when community groups start up again. They signed me up for 6 phone or video consultations with a New Access program they suggest could be of help . I have my first hour long session next week, so can't hurt I guess.

I am a bit confused as to how I am coping actually. I seem a bit different each day, I don't know what to expect of myself. Days following the service I was very business like...getting car serviced, screen security doors fixed and replaced, trying out my brand new vacuum cleaner....things that had been put "on hold" I found myself getting done....as if nothing terrible had happened to me, and intellectually of course I know it has.

I am paying a visit to my bowling club tomorrow, which of course has been out of action all this Corona time, and knowing myself fairly well.....I know once I sit there and soak up the energy, the enormity of my loss may wash over me like a tidal wave and I will feel free to "go with it" If I am going to let go and cry, this will be the place I feel safe enough to do it....will let you know my reaction.....which may well be quite the opposite I just outline...who knows?

Is it normal to go through a sort of "twilight zone"....neither bouncing back happily...nor falling apart?

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

Yes I did indeed view Tea with the Dames, and enjoyed it immensely. Good to hear more of how they actually lived and their close connections.

Dame Twiggy, actually she was appointed a Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire (DBE) in the 2019 New Year Honours for services to fashion, to the arts and to charity. She was gazetted under her married name, Lesley Lawson.[58]
You can see a lot of info about here here

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twiggy

It's a pity there is no support group in Moonville, however New Access may be quite helpful. If I might suggest I find talking by video better than just phone, my own preference I suppose but it does make the other person , seem more human. I use it with my psych.

Now of course now haveing managed to get all those pending jobs done you are no longer so occupied, which leave you in strange territory. Twilight zone is a good name for it, neither normal not distraught. I guess there will be times of each, but resulting in a good place in the end. Opportunities will come back as restrictions are relaxed, maybe not quite as before, but close enough you will still have al the emotions similar to the old ways.

Going to the bowls setting will I'd expect have an effect, even if not while you are there.

Remember bowling is an answer to a very human need, and that is not going to change.

Hang in there Moon

Croix

[ecomama]

Dear Moon and Croix

I wanted to extend my deepest sympathies for your losses. They are huge losses and I don't know what else to say but I'm sorry.

I spent hours last night talking with my best friend who I've known since childhood, for 50y. She has had a very shocking loss recently. At first her son answered the phone and he talked with me, then instead of my friend getting on the phone, the daughter spoke with me... then my friend. They are so overwhelmed with confusion and grief. I couldn't do anything but be present and reflect that all the wide range of emotions they were having were normal in the light of this sad and sudden loss. And they are.

So I will be present with you too. Just know I am thinking of you both. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Bowling is so fun Moon! I'm so jealous. I love barefoot bowling lol but I hesitate a guess that you guys look at barefoot bowlers indignantly lol. I can see how much Croix hails bowling in any form also. Bowling us over with his witty responses at least.

Would you mind telling me more about New Access Moon?

I also wanted to add that I have watched 'Pride and Prejudice' about a million times lol. I couldn't stand studying it in high school but love the mini series. Even my kids know the script in lots of places lol.

Another favourite from another time is 'Girl with the dragon tattoo' OH BOY DO I LOVE THAT SOoooooooooo MUCH. I smashed out reading the Millenium trilogy when it came out in a few days lol and needed reading glasses after that! My eyes have never been the same lol.

Just to appear more balanced, I will also disclose that I've watched 'Love Actually' about 10,000 times lol.

Now my witchy side loves anything 'Merlin'. I even called a pet Nimue (Nimmoway) and she was an angel.

Peace be with you both
EM

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

I'm wondering how your visit to the Bowls venue got on, helpfully you left at least in a peaceful mood.

Are you as tired?

Wold you mind if I mentioned your bowling style does not lend itself to bare feet, though I guess it can happen?

Croix

[Croix]

Dear EM~
Welcome to my place for talk that does not always fit elsewhere.

I guess your friend is lucky to have such protective children, being close is so special. I would think they might have started as protective, then their grief took over in each case. Your responses sound exactly right, though I guess it was might have been a little overwhelming for you.

Pride and prejudice -Um. I remember years ago every lady's computer monitor had a picture of Colin Firth on it, he was certainty popular, at least back then. I like him as an actor and particularly in the recent Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy movie.

The Gil with ... I found too cruel and stopped. Just me being oversensitive I guess. Something that happened did end up changing me. And I'm afraid I don't think I've actually seen Love Actually, my loss no doubt

I doubt Sumo Cat would make much of a Merlin, it would appear he attempted a sleeping spell that backfired

Croix

[Moonstruck]

Hello Ecomama (nice to meet you and Croix)....

hope you don't mind Eco and I having a few words on your thread Croix. You're so kind.Ecomama, this New Access program was developed by BB and one of their phone counsellors suggested it for me. They are 6 free either phone or video conversations (i.e. Zoom or another similar on your phone/Computer).my first of 1 hour is at the end of the month and from then on, I think they are half hour length. You make the time to suit yourself for them to ring.

It has something to do with a mild form of CBT which I have never tried before so I have a completely open mind as to whether its for me or not.

Croix...I didn't go.....you know where. Just didn't feel like it. Honestly I was just so very tired....I really am these days.again not sure if this is "normal"....didn't feel scared, just sort of couldn't be bothered. Perhaps sub consciously I was afraid it would bring all my emotions to the surface and overflow....I still think that will happen.....or....perhaps it won't at all..that'd be unusual but as I keep on reading and hearing people say "everyone grieves in their own way, nothing is right or wrong".

As I explained to Eco about New Access....do you really think CBT would be helpful for me. If the counsellor asks me how are you feeling? I would answer honestly "Fine thanks"....and we might both ask each other..."well what are we doing here then?"....I have always had much more trouble and heartache from my anxiety, over thinking, fear and panic....than I am from the grief of losing my loved one, a man who loved me very much...Perhaps if I were 20 years younger I could be more hopeful in one day finding another loving companion, but let's be realistic.....as we age, the chances become few and far between....that's just life!

Does such a thing exist as "not grieving at all"....is this one of the many ways to grieve? That it simply does not happen?

[Croix]

Dear Moon~

You can find more about Newaccess here if you like (you too Ecomama)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/newaccess/faqs

It is more of a life coach situation based on Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT).

There is no race to go to the empty bowling arena, it may not happen for a long time when there is an actual reason to go, like you have been chosen to participate.

As for "no greif" I'd have to say simply is not the true reflection of things. You have said yourself you are tired and struggle to get up, then feel nothing 'different', mind you - you did not go to that place, under other circumstances you might have.

Perhaps for now it is all buried, allowing you to continue almost like nothing happened, however that simply means it is inside. It does come out when you hear a particular passage of music or sometimes with your son

I know you are worried you might not be capable of grief, or not in usual ways at least.Yes that can be frightening.

Give yourself a lot of time and and in the meantime be with fiends and family when you can.

You are fine, it will work out

Que tu sois paisible et à l'aise.

Croix

[ecomama]

Hi Croix

Well, you've just about exhausted my movie repertoire lol... Books on the other hand...

I'm miffed you didn't like "The Girl with the …"
that movie kept me going through Courts.... feeling that all violent criminals get their comeuppance one day. But I had read all the books beforehand so I knew the grit and the ending. I want a Lisbeth Salander living here lol or to become her? lol.

Talking with my friend at this time is a deep privilege, she hadn't talked with anyone else about the machinations of her mind through her grief, till I called her. She can be honest with me about anything and I her. I need to 'hold space' with her. She needs me now and she's been a stalwart friend to me through my entire life and it's craziness. She knows how I think and I her. We could finish each other's sentences lol. She has had so many losses in recent years, she said "this time it's different" and I knew it was coming....

Unresolved grief. That's huge. She said what I was thinking... "I don't think I've grieved thoroughly for the others (lost)".

Now is such a poignant time in our lives. So I just took a break from typing to call another school friend. He lives in a locked down state. He's doing ok in his recovery from PSTD after 10y therapy. He's coming down to stay as soon as restrictions are lifted. I actually said yes this time.

I digress lol... what permaculture books do you like reading Croix? And do I REALLY have to brush up on my French to be friends? It got me through in Switzerland and France but yours is far superior and I feel challenged.

You said we could talk about anything but did you really mean it? lol.

🙂
EM

[Moonstruck]

Dear Croix...well I arranged it. A friend is meeting me at "my place" which as you know has been in lockdown except for a few maintenance or office folk from time to time. I feel I need to be there but not with hordes around me asking me "how I am" I have no idea how to answer that nor what the answer is! The very 4 walls of this place will enfold me and hold me close, like it has for so many years and through so many of my life's milestones....

In a peculiar way I miss my old emotional self. My "authentic" emotional self.....no matter how deep the pain which maybe buried inside rises to the surface. Will let you know what happens....but then again,why should you be interested?

Never seen Love Actually??? Oh puh -leeze, ya gotta be kidding, right? It's on about 10 times, on different channels, from week to week leading up to Xmas....EVERY YEAR! Please say you'll watch it this year??

And dear old Colin Firth....wow, didn't the Gods smile on him all through his youth, which, tiny bit by tiny bit, is beginning to change with the passing of the years....have you noticed?

Oh, what gorgeous man!! And you haven't even seen Love Actually!! Oh Croix...the scene where the guy holds up the message signs outside the girl's door with Silent Night in the background;; and the proposal in the Brazilian restaurant,and the BeachBoys big hit (

"God only knows what I'd be without you" at the closing credits at the Airport with all the hellos and goodbyes....oh what a fantastic movie!!!!