Been away

[Jo3]

Hi to all my friends (Neil, Geoff, Mares, GA, Stressless, White Knight, Crash Coyote(John)Bridget and I'm sorry if I have missed someone's name)

I have been away at Cairns for 5 days four our 28th wedding anniversary.  It was not a perfect holiday at all, things went wrong, I was over emotional, we argued, we went for walks, we couldn't hire a car, we didn't get to do the things we had planned.

So everyday I was on here with my phone reading everyone's posts and I was getting so frustrated because I couldn't reply to anyone, as I didn't have my computer with me.  I so much wanted to reply asap and I was thinking of everyone.

Mares, you are a true inspiration to me and others on here.  I wish I was with you right now, away from home, away from everyone, we could chat, eat, drink, cry and laugh together. But I know it's not possible (maybe one day) so I am sending you a huge hug.  I am sorry I couldn't reply to you earlier, I am thinking so much of you and what you will be going through with the Royal Commission.  I praise you so much Mares, you have strength more than what I have ever had, and probably you don't realise.  I am glad to see that you are away for a week or so, just to get your head around this.  I miss my chats with you and hope to chat again soon.,

GA - I really hope Sydney comes home soon, missing a pet is so difficult.  I know I was away for only 5 days and boy I missed my kelpie, Jersey.  Actually when I arrived home before she was crying and jumping up to me wanting hugs and kisses. She was actually happier than the kids to see me!!!  GA, hope you've come out of your doona and had the lovely drink that Bridget was making you.,

Neil - I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to you - but as always thinking of you and your family especially your son.  I'm not up to date with the latest but I will read your post later.  By the way, I love your new picture. I think I need one now, but don't know how, so i will ask my kids to do it for me.

Stressless - As always, you are another tower of strength and you probably don't realise either.  I am thinking of you as well and hope you are okay today.

Geoff, I haven't spoken to you for a while but always love what you say to others.

White Knight - thanks for listening to me rant and rave at times, I do go over the top at times with my emotions, but I always enjoy reading what you write. 

Crash Coyte (John) - I had to laugh the other day when I read that you were giving Neil a "wog hug".  Nothing wrong with that - I am one too. And boy do we know how to give someone a hug!!!  How are you going? I am not too bad.

OK, guys I am off to my psych for an interesting session as he knows all about the week of our holiday and I have to re-tell him in a dialectical way (no black and white thinking, no all or nothing thinking, no negatives) - that is going to be difficult!!

Let you know how it goes

Take care everyone

Jo xxx

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Jo

Great to hear from you, though I wish it was news of a better holiday than you had. I hope the psych session does you some good, it sounds like a difficult task to do. 

Mayflower will follow me from room to room and is never far from my feet since Sydney disappeared. It's adorable, but worth noting because she normally isn't so affectionate and clingy. I give her all the love she wants, and we look out the back door together, hoping Syd is ok, somewhere out there. 

GA

[Jo3]

Hi GA

I just want to cry. I can't do this anymore.

My life is so difficult at the moment. Finances are stressing me to the max.

Jo

[Neil_1]

Hi Jo

Great to hear back from you – and I echo GA’s sentiments in that it was a shame to hear that your special anniversary holiday didn’t provide you with more positives. 

 It really is a lovely spot up there – are there any pieces of your time up there that stood out as being special for you?

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Jo, what I have to say to other people also incorporates you, sorry involve you as well, and whether or not I may not reply back to you it still means that I am listening to what concerns you, and hopefully that what I have say as well as other people have to say is that it maybe something for you to take on board.

It's very complex depression, but please don't worry we always hear what you have to say, so please never ever feel neglected we love you and are so sorry for what trauma and devastation you had to cope with. L Geoff. x

[white knight]

Dear Jo.

Beautifully said, lovely considerate words. You are so special.

[Jo3]

Hi Neil

The only time I thought I was "at peace" was at the Barron Falls.  We took the sky rail to the rainforest and walked to see the falls. This is where I feel calm, maybe it's the water flowing I don't know.

I think this holiday was very different because we both didn't connect much, well that's how I felt. We did do things together like walking, eating out, but there wasn't much communicating, he would watch tv lying on one couch and i was on the other couch.

I don't know, maybe the whole holiday was not good, it didn't start off right so I'm not sure. And being financially stressed didn't really help.

I think we will plan a weekend away - but this time camping. My psych said that we need to reconnect otherwise our marriage will disintegrate dramatically. 

I am so glad I have you and the others on here to chat to because otherwise I don't know what I would have done or where I would be. So thanks to you Neil and everyone else for just being here for me and I am sorry if I rant and rave at times and lose my emotions quite a bit.

How can I feel so down and depressed right now but before I was okay. I just don't get it.  I even replied to a post from White Knight before and I was in an okay frame of mind - now it's gone downhill very very quickly.

Why? I am so lost now, my mood is swinging from anger, crying, despair, anxious

I'm sorry I have diverted quite a bit,

Jo

[Neil_1]

Hi Jo

No worries with diverting or someone else might say, digressing!

I mean, just look at that pic under my name - I worry all the time about our little Nuggz - there she is asleep on our table on our deck and a smidge of her is hanging over the edge and yet there she remains.  Hmmm, reminds me, it's dark outside now, I best go and get her off that table and put her to bed with the rest of the girls!

Alright alright, I'm going a bit silly - but my tablets will kick in soon, I promise.   Oh look, there goes a white elephant past my window, being chased by a beautiful purple butterfly - or what my children called them years ago, flutterbyes.  And wallabies were wobbilies.  That still cracks me up.

Now Jo, getting back to Cairns - the sky rail - was that where it took you up to Kuranda?   An absolutely gorgeous little town - I remember a beautiful flutterby house up there that we went into and there were literally 100's of flutterby's there.

Was that the one?   I remember then, we took the train back down, which was also very picturesque.

Jo, I believe you're doing everything that you can at the moment.  It's still hellishly challenging for you - we know that, but look, you've been to hospital;  you've got your regular psych appointments, you've taken a holiday with hubby and you can really break that down into much smaller bits that are chocked full of positives.

Just think - even from the basics of packing - to the trip to the airport;   getting through the airport and all the rig-moral that goes with that.  So many positives you can take out of that trip Jo - what I say here, is to hell with the negatives.  Pick out the positives - and DWELL heavily on them.  (see, I told you them tablets would kick in soon).

Bye for now.

Neil

[Jo3]

tonights a struggle; going to bed under my doona

(just had a memory of when i was 16 yrs old in my bedroom under my doona rocking myself) that is strange memory, i can remember it so clearly and now i am doing the same thing again after so many years.

i am emotionally exhausted, can't keep going; it's too hard; 

i need sleep if i can; too much on my mind

jo

[Neil_1]

Hi Jo

Me and Nuggzy wrote you earlier - around 2 hours ago - but alas, it's still sitting on the runway, taxi-ing before it can take off.

Neil