Been away

[Jo3]

Hi to all my friends (Neil, Geoff, Mares, GA, Stressless, White Knight, Crash Coyote(John)Bridget and I'm sorry if I have missed someone's name)

I have been away at Cairns for 5 days four our 28th wedding anniversary.  It was not a perfect holiday at all, things went wrong, I was over emotional, we argued, we went for walks, we couldn't hire a car, we didn't get to do the things we had planned.

So everyday I was on here with my phone reading everyone's posts and I was getting so frustrated because I couldn't reply to anyone, as I didn't have my computer with me.  I so much wanted to reply asap and I was thinking of everyone.

Mares, you are a true inspiration to me and others on here.  I wish I was with you right now, away from home, away from everyone, we could chat, eat, drink, cry and laugh together. But I know it's not possible (maybe one day) so I am sending you a huge hug.  I am sorry I couldn't reply to you earlier, I am thinking so much of you and what you will be going through with the Royal Commission.  I praise you so much Mares, you have strength more than what I have ever had, and probably you don't realise.  I am glad to see that you are away for a week or so, just to get your head around this.  I miss my chats with you and hope to chat again soon.,

GA - I really hope Sydney comes home soon, missing a pet is so difficult.  I know I was away for only 5 days and boy I missed my kelpie, Jersey.  Actually when I arrived home before she was crying and jumping up to me wanting hugs and kisses. She was actually happier than the kids to see me!!!  GA, hope you've come out of your doona and had the lovely drink that Bridget was making you.,

Neil - I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to you - but as always thinking of you and your family especially your son.  I'm not up to date with the latest but I will read your post later.  By the way, I love your new picture. I think I need one now, but don't know how, so i will ask my kids to do it for me.

Stressless - As always, you are another tower of strength and you probably don't realise either.  I am thinking of you as well and hope you are okay today.

Geoff, I haven't spoken to you for a while but always love what you say to others.

White Knight - thanks for listening to me rant and rave at times, I do go over the top at times with my emotions, but I always enjoy reading what you write. 

Crash Coyte (John) - I had to laugh the other day when I read that you were giving Neil a "wog hug".  Nothing wrong with that - I am one too. And boy do we know how to give someone a hug!!!  How are you going? I am not too bad.

OK, guys I am off to my psych for an interesting session as he knows all about the week of our holiday and I have to re-tell him in a dialectical way (no black and white thinking, no all or nothing thinking, no negatives) - that is going to be difficult!!

Let you know how it goes

Take care everyone

Jo xxx

[Jo3]

Hi WK

Thanks again for your always positive comments. 

Right now that's what i am doing - hanging in there, with small steps.

I am in pain this morning - I have hurt my back again (twice now in one week). For no reason my back has had spasms and I can't turn properly. 

Damn, this is so frustrating because I want to do things around the house but can't.

Oh well, small steps.

Hope you're okay WK, how is your weekend going so far?

Jo

[white knight]

Dear Jo,

Glad you are doing the baby steps.  Buggar the housework. Hubby can push a vacuum. let your back heal. Back injuries are odd in that they swell up just like other injuries and the effect is soreness when moving it. it needs anti inflammatories to get the swelling down before movement will return without pain.

My mobile woke us up this morning, my cousin (like brothers) from Tassy was driving a semi trailer along the Hume Hwy and as he does on occasions invited my wife and I for brekky at the nearby roadhouse. So that was great.

Then we waved him goodbye and my wife wanted to walk our little fox terrier around the local park. As I have had leg troubles I was to meet her on the other side of the park.  I got out of the car and strolled along under the deciduous trees. The colours were amazing. My wife and I got married in this particular park 3 years ago and the red autumn leaves were staggering backdrops. I took some deep breaths and felt so good. Ducks in the water, people walking their dogs. Got back in the car and on went the radio....favourite song on there- I'll remember you...by Elvis Presley.  My late brother was an Elvis fan. He passed away in 1979 at 27, sadly taking his own life. I hated Elvis until he died, then realised why he loved his music. Same as my dad in that I swapped AFL teams from Essendon to the Bulldogs, my dads team after he died.  I laugh at this now.

Even now as positive as I am and appear to be I have to self program my mind, actively insert positive thoughts into my thinking like filling my belly up with vegies my mind needs to regularly be "fed" positive, nice things to keep it above the line.  For me this is however automatic with me. It's a good place to aim for with anyone on here that is in a depressed state and that is a high percentage.

So we returned home, did a few chores (cut our dogs toe nails, fill up the firewood box) and settled down for a cool day indoors.

I must mention, its only been a short time since I've been well enough to enter a forum such as this one. I often talk about balance in regards to doing too many tasks. For me, it was running a small business and the balance was way out. Last September I retired and it took 6 months for me to adjust to this new relaxed lifestyle.  If I wasnt remindful of my condition and took on too many hobbies for example or volunteered to help maintain the local golf course etc I'd soon be back to being overloaded.  So prevention is better than cure.

Furthermore 6 years ago I separated from my then defacto wife. My plan was simple. Have a cabin built in a hamlet away from any large town with lots of people. Slowly become a recluse.  Then I dated my best friend. She had separated from her husband of 20 years (I was best man and matchmade them lol). She was also my childrens favourite auntie. So it worked. My wife is perfect. Supportive, hard worker around the home, good communication and understanding. As I am with her.  She has depression but hers is the sleeping type unlike mine. She is making a quilt for a friend as we speak. She and I recognised early on in our relationship our need to remain busy with enjoyable interests. I like cooking, my motorcycle, tinkering. She has her hobbies.

Having the right partner is 80% of your life sorted.  The rest is fine tuning.

[Jo3]

You know what WK??

I don't know if I can hang on anymore.  This weekend I have been feeling so up and down, more down than up. One minute I am okay and the next I am a complete emotional, erratic, destructive person which is not normally me. I am not normally like this, I am a softly spoken, caring person who genuinely tries to help others. So why this destructive thinking process.

I think I need to go to bed and sleep it off, I need to start thinking positive, start changing - but how, how on earth do i start improving, i thought i was improving slowly but at times I get so confused and uncertain of my changes.

Jo

[Mares73]

Dearest Jo I wish so much I could hug and hold you & look after you. You have had such a tough painful time since basically the start of the year. I know your deeply hurting & I wish I could help take that pain away. You've also had a really rough time with pyschs. Jo I know you don't believe this but you are so very strong, you never give up even when your hurting so deep, your always a beautiful loving friend & I believe in you so so much. You have courage, strength & a beautiful spirit. I think of You every day & wonder how you are. Life seems so unfair -you deserve so much Jo-your a truly special beautiful person and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I'm always with you in spirit. All my love, Mares xxx

[Jo3]

Dear Mares my dear friend

How I miss chatting with you on here.  I am thinking of you and hoping you are okay.  I know you are going through a very tough time at the moment/. I just wish I was away with you, to walk with you through your journey.

Mares, I feel so weak at the moment,i am hurting so so much and don't know what else to do, life is so unfair at times.

Thank you so much for your kind beautiful words about me - even though I don't feel like that at all. But I thank you because you have taken the time to say this to me and it means a lot to me.

I have made so many friends on here and you will be a friend of mine forever. I hope the pain eases off a bit for you Mares,

Pls take care, thinking of you and sending you a big warm hug

Chat again soon

 your true friend

Jo xxx